ARV Connect & Grow
Start free
Subscribe
Confidence / Becoming More Assertive / Lesson 27
LESSON 27 · BECOMING MORE ASSERTIVE

When Someone Ignores Your Boundary

Thirty-two easy ways to respond when someone ignores your boundary, calmly and with action.

A boundary needs follow-through. Words plus action work.

40 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan
Start with tip 1
Jump to the 7-day plan

40 tips that really help

These ideas come from Crucial Conversations (Kerry Patterson and others), Nonviolent Communication (Marshall Rosenberg), Playing Big (Tara Mohr), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

Photo for the tip: When someone ignores your boundary
TIP 1

When someone ignores your boundary

Sometimes you set a boundary and it is crossed anyway. That doesn’t mean your boundary was wrong. It means you need to follow through with the action you said you’d take. The boundary is only real if you act on it.

TRY THIS
Write the action you will take if your boundary is crossed again.
Photo for the tip: Notice the crossing
TIP 2

Notice the crossing

Name it.

TRY THIS
Say “That crossed my limit.”
Photo for the tip: Stay calm
TIP 3

Stay calm

Breathe.

TRY THIS
Exhale slowly.
Photo for the tip: Restate it
TIP 4

Restate it

Once, clearly.

TRY THIS
Say it.
Photo for the tip: State the consequence
TIP 5

State the consequence

“If it continues, I will leave.”

TRY THIS
Say it.
Photo for the tip: Don't threaten what you won't do
TIP 6

Don't threaten what you won't do

Empty threats weaken.

TRY THIS
Choose realistic actions.
Photo for the tip: Don't explain endlessly
TIP 7

Don't explain endlessly

Short.

TRY THIS
Trim.
Photo for the tip: Don't wait too long
TIP 8

Don't wait too long

Act early.

TRY THIS
Act.
Photo for the tip: Don't blame yourself
TIP 9

Don't blame yourself

Their choice.

TRY THIS
Remember.
Photo for the tip: Document patterns
TIP 10

Document patterns

For work or legal issues.

TRY THIS
Keep notes.
Photo for the tip: Involve others
TIP 11

Involve others

Manager, HR.

TRY THIS
Plan.
Photo for the tip: Increase distance
TIP 12

Increase distance

Less contact.

TRY THIS
Decide.
Photo for the tip: Limit access
TIP 13

Limit access

Information, time.

TRY THIS
Limit.
Photo for the tip: Take a break
TIP 14

Take a break

From the relationship.

TRY THIS
Plan.
Photo for the tip: End the interaction
TIP 15

End the interaction

Leave or hang up.

TRY THIS
Do it.
Photo for the tip: Reassess
TIP 16

Reassess

Is this healthy?

TRY THIS
Reflect.
Photo for the tip: Seek support
TIP 17

Seek support

Friend, counsellor.

TRY THIS
Reach out.
Photo for the tip: Scene: a friend keeps calling late
TIP 18

Scene: a friend keeps calling late

Let it ring; text tomorrow.

TRY THIS
Do it.
Photo for the tip: Scene: a relative keeps commenting
TIP 19

Scene: a relative keeps commenting

Leave the room.

TRY THIS
Do it.
Photo for the tip: Scene: a colleague keeps interrupting
TIP 20

Scene: a colleague keeps interrupting

“I’ll finish, then you.”

TRY THIS
Hold.
Photo for the tip: Scene: a partner keeps pressuring
TIP 21

Scene: a partner keeps pressuring

Pause the talk.

TRY THIS
Leave.
Photo for the tip: Scene: a boss keeps adding work
TIP 22

Scene: a boss keeps adding work

Document and escalate.

TRY THIS
Email.
Photo for the tip: Scene: a neighbour keeps parking
TIP 23

Scene: a neighbour keeps parking

Written notice.

TRY THIS
Send.
Photo for the tip: Scene: a landlord enters without notice
TIP 24

Scene: a landlord enters without notice

Written warning, legal advice.

TRY THIS
Seek advice.
Photo for the tip: Scene: an ex keeps contacting
TIP 25

Scene: an ex keeps contacting

Block.

TRY THIS
Block.
Photo for the tip: Scene: a stranger touches you
TIP 26

Scene: a stranger touches you

Move away, call help.

TRY THIS
Prioritise safety.
Photo for the tip: Scene: someone ignores no in dating
TIP 27

Scene: someone ignores no in dating

Leave and get help.

TRY THIS
Safety first.
Photo for the tip: Scene: a child repeats a rule-break
TIP 28

Scene: a child repeats a rule-break

Calm, consistent consequence.

TRY THIS
Follow through.
Photo for the tip: Scene: a group ignores your plan
TIP 29

Scene: a group ignores your plan

Go your own way.

TRY THIS
Leave.
Photo for the tip: Scene: a client crosses scope
TIP 30

Scene: a client crosses scope

Send a change request.

TRY THIS
Document.
Photo for the tip: Scene: a friend borrows again
TIP 31

Scene: a friend borrows again

Say no.

TRY THIS
Hold.
Photo for the tip: Safety comes first
TIP 32

Safety comes first

If threatened, leave and call help.

TRY THIS
Know numbers.
Photo for the tip: Legal rights
TIP 33

Legal rights

Know protections.

TRY THIS
Read.
Photo for the tip: Workplace routes
TIP 34

Workplace routes

HR, union.

TRY THIS
Find them.
Photo for the tip: Support lines
TIP 35

Support lines

Free helplines.

TRY THIS
Save one.
Photo for the tip: Trusted allies
TIP 36

Trusted allies

Tell someone.

TRY THIS
Call.
Photo for the tip: Don't doubt yourself
TIP 37

Don't doubt yourself

Your limits are valid.

TRY THIS
Affirm.
Photo for the tip: Be patient
TIP 38

Be patient

Change is slow.

TRY THIS
Keep going.
Photo for the tip: Seek help
TIP 39

Seek help

Therapy helps.

TRY THIS
Consider it.
Photo for the tip: Close with action
TIP 40

Close with action

Say, “Words, then action.”

TRY THIS
Write it.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday situations.

NOTICE

“You crossed the line I set.”

REPEAT

“I asked you not to do that.”

ACT

“I am going to leave now.”

CONSEQUENCE

“If it happens again, I will end the call.”

THANK

“Thank you for stopping.”

CLOSE

“I will keep my word.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Stay calm
DAY 2
Remind them
DAY 3
State the consequence
DAY 4
Follow through
DAY 5
Do not argue
DAY 6
Look after yourself
DAY 7
Review the boundary

Further reading

  • Crucial Conversations (Kerry Patterson and others)
  • Nonviolent Communication (Marshall Rosenberg)
  • Playing Big (Tara Mohr)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

← All Becoming More Assertive lessons
Next lesson: Boundaries With Yourself →

More lessons in “Becoming More Assertive”

Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.

← Previous: Boundaries OnlineNext: Boundaries With Yourself →

  1. Passive, Aggressive or Assertive?
  2. Why You Struggle to Speak Up
  3. Assertive Does Not Mean Rude
  4. Your Rights in Any Relationship
  5. Where Your Pattern Began
  6. Spot Your Own Passive Habits
  7. The Respect Equation
  8. The Power of a Calm No
  9. Five Kind Ways to Say No
  10. Say No Without Over-Explaining
  11. Buy Time Before You Answer
  12. Say No to Family Gently
  13. Say No at Work Smartly
  14. Handle Guilt After Saying No
  15. Make a Clear Request in One Sentence
  16. Ask for Help Without Shame
  17. Ask for a Raise or Promotion
  18. Ask for a Change in Behaviour
  19. Ask for Space or Time
  20. Follow Up on a Request
  21. Accept a No Gracefully
  22. What Healthy Boundaries Sound Like
  23. The Broken-Record Technique
  24. Boundaries With Pushy People
  25. Boundaries With Friends and Family
  26. Boundaries Online
  27. When Someone Ignores Your Boundary
  28. Boundaries With Yourself
  29. The "I Feel, I Need" Sentence
  30. Respond to Criticism Calmly
  31. Give Honest Feedback Kindly
  32. Disagree Without a Fight
  33. Handle an Interrupter
  34. Stay Calm When Someone Gets Angry
  35. Start With Low-Risk Practice
  36. Rehearse With a Friend
  37. Use a Script for Tough Talks
  38. Review Each Conversation Kindly
  39. Celebrate Each Assertive Win
  40. Your Assertiveness Plan
Scroll to Top