Use a Script for Tough Talks
Thirty-two easy ways to use a script for tough talks, so you know what to say when your mind goes blank.
A script is a safety net. Plan the words, then speak from the heart.
40 tips that really help
These ideas come from Crucial Conversations (Kerry Patterson and others), Nonviolent Communication (Marshall Rosenberg), Playing Big (Tara Mohr), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Use a script for tough talks
When the stakes are high, nerves can wipe your words away. A short script gives your mind a rail to hold. You do not need to read it out; having written it, you will remember the shape. Scripts are used widely in assertiveness training and negotiation preparation.
Write a four-line script for one tough talk you have been avoiding.
Line 1: open warmly
“Thanks for making time.”
Write it.
Line 2: state the issue
“I want to talk about X.”
Write it.
Line 3: say feeling and need
“I feel ___, and I need ___.”
Write it.
Line 4: make a request
“Could we ___?”
Write it.
Add a closing line
“Thanks for hearing me.”
Write it.
Keep it short
Under a minute.
Trim.
Write it by hand
Remember better.
Use paper.
Read it aloud
Check the tone.
Say it.
Time it
Aim for 60 seconds.
Use a timer.
Prepare for replies
Three likely responses.
List them.
Prepare your answers
One line each.
Write.
Prepare your goal
What would be a good result?
Define.
Prepare your minimum
What’s acceptable?
Define.
Prepare your limit
What’s not?
Define.
Prepare a pause phrase
“Let me think.”
Memorise.
Prepare an exit line
“Let’s continue tomorrow.”
Memorise.
Prepare your setting
Private, calm.
Choose.
Prepare your time
Not before a deadline.
Choose.
Prepare your body
Breathe, posture.
Practise.
Scene: asking for a raise
Four lines plus evidence.
Write.
Scene: telling a friend they hurt you
“I value you; this hurt; please…”
Write.
Scene: setting a family boundary
“I love you; here’s my limit.”
Write.
Scene: raising a workload issue
“I’m at capacity; which priority?”
Write.
Scene: ending a relationship
“I’ve decided; I wish you well.”
Write.
Scene: returning a faulty item
“This stopped working; I’d like a refund.”
Write.
Scene: complaining about service
“The service was slow; I’d like a remedy.”
Write.
Scene: speaking to a landlord
“The heating’s broken; fix by Friday.”
Write.
Scene: speaking to a teacher
“My child struggles with X; what can we do?”
Write.
Scene: speaking to a doctor
“I have three concerns; can we cover them?”
Write.
Use it as a guide
Not a cage.
Be flexible.
Use cue cards
Keywords only.
Make some.
Use a first sentence
Memorise it.
Learn it.
Use your own words
Authentic.
Adjust.
Use a friend to test
Role-play.
Ask.
Use a deep breath
Before starting.
Exhale.
Update the script
For next time.
Edit.
Be patient
It gets easier.
Keep going.
Seek help
Coaches help.
Consider it.
Close with confidence
Say, “I know what I want to say.”
Write it.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday situations.
“I would like to talk about something important.”
“Here is what I noticed.”
“I feel worried about it.”
“Could we try a different way?”
“How does that sound to you?”
“Thank you for talking with me.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Write your goal
Write the opening
Write the facts
Write your feeling
Write the request
Practise aloud
Keep a card
Further reading
- Crucial Conversations (Kerry Patterson and others)
- Nonviolent Communication (Marshall Rosenberg)
- Playing Big (Tara Mohr)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
