Ask for Help Without Shame
Thirty-two easy ways to ask for help without shame, because needing help is human and brave.
Everyone needs help. Asking is a strength.
40 tips that really help
These ideas come from Crucial Conversations (Kerry Patterson and others), Nonviolent Communication (Marshall Rosenberg), Playing Big (Tara Mohr), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Ask for help without shame
Asking for help is a skill, not a weakness. Research by Vanessa Bohns and Frank Flynn shows people underestimate how willing others are to help and how good they feel afterward. Most people are glad to be asked.
Ask for one small bit of help today.
Help is normal
Everyone needs it.
Remember.
People like helping
It feels good.
Believe it.
Be specific
“Could you look at page 2?”
Say it.
Be brief
Short ask.
Trim.
Say why
One sentence.
Add.
Say how long
“It’ll take ten minutes.”
Add.
Allow a no
“No worries if you can’t.”
Add.
Thank them
Promptly.
Say it.
Return the favour
Later.
Plan.
Choose the right person
Someone able and kind.
Pick.
Choose the right time
When they’re free.
Check.
Ask early
Not at the last minute.
Plan.
Ask in person if possible
Warmer.
Try.
Ask in writing for busy people
Easy to answer.
Draft.
Ask professionals
Doctors, tutors, advisers.
Book.
Ask friends
They care.
Call.
Ask family
They may want to help.
Ask.
Ask neighbours
Small favours build community.
Ask.
Scene: heavy shopping
“Could you hold the door?”
Say it.
Scene: tech problem
“Could you show me?”
Say it.
Scene: moving
“Could you help for an hour?”
Say it.
Scene: emotional support
“Could we talk? I need a listener.”
Say it.
Scene: work task
“Could I get your input?”
Say it.
Scene: childcare
“Could you watch them for two hours?”
Say it.
Scene: money matters
“Could you recommend an adviser?”
Say it.
Scene: health
“Could you come to the appointment?”
Say it.
Scene: study
“Could we study together?”
Say it.
Scene: lonely times
“Would you like to have tea?”
Say it.
Shame says
“I should manage alone.”
Challenge.
Reality says
Interdependence is human.
Remember.
Reframe
“I’m giving them a chance to help.”
Say it.
Reframe
“We all take turns.”
Say it.
Practise small
Start with tiny asks.
Choose.
Notice responses
Mostly kind.
Record.
Build a helper list
Names for different needs.
Write.
Offer help too
Reciprocity.
Offer.
Be patient
Comfort grows.
Keep going.
Seek help
If shame is heavy, therapy helps.
Consider it.
Close with openness
Say, “I can ask.”
Write it.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday situations.
“Could you help me with this?”
“I need help with the first step.”
“I can help you in return.”
“When would be good for you?”
“Thank you so much for helping me.”
“It made a big difference.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Name what you need
Choose who to ask
Ask clearly
Make it easy to say yes
Say thank you
Offer to return the favour
Pay it forward
Further reading
- Crucial Conversations (Kerry Patterson and others)
- Nonviolent Communication (Marshall Rosenberg)
- Playing Big (Tara Mohr)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
