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Confidence / Becoming More Assertive / Lesson 28
LESSON 28 · BECOMING MORE ASSERTIVE

Boundaries With Yourself

Thirty-two easy ways to set boundaries with yourself, because keeping your own promises builds deep confidence.

You are the first person you let down. Keep your own promises.

40 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan
Start with tip 1
Jump to the 7-day plan

40 tips that really help

These ideas come from Crucial Conversations (Kerry Patterson and others), Nonviolent Communication (Marshall Rosenberg), Playing Big (Tara Mohr), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

Photo for the tip: Boundaries with yourself
TIP 1

Boundaries with yourself

Some of the hardest boundaries are with yourself: how you spend time, money and attention, how you talk to yourself and what you let yourself ruminate on. Self-boundaries are promises you keep to your future self.

TRY THIS
Write one rule you will keep for yourself this week.
Photo for the tip: Time boundaries
TIP 2

Time boundaries

Work hours, bedtime.

TRY THIS
Set one.
Photo for the tip: Money boundaries
TIP 3

Money boundaries

Spending limits.

TRY THIS
Set a number.
Photo for the tip: Food boundaries
TIP 4

Food boundaries

Regular meals.

TRY THIS
Plan.
Photo for the tip: Screen boundaries
TIP 5

Screen boundaries

Daily limits.

TRY THIS
Set a limit.
Photo for the tip: Sleep boundaries
TIP 6

Sleep boundaries

Fixed bedtime.

TRY THIS
Set an alarm.
Photo for the tip: Energy boundaries
TIP 7

Energy boundaries

Rest after effort.

TRY THIS
Schedule rest.
Photo for the tip: Thought boundaries
TIP 8

Thought boundaries

Time limits on worry.

TRY THIS
Set a window.
Photo for the tip: Self-talk boundaries
TIP 9

Self-talk boundaries

No name-calling.

TRY THIS
Catch and swap.
Photo for the tip: Commitment boundaries
TIP 10

Commitment boundaries

Don’t overbook.

TRY THIS
Check your calendar.
Photo for the tip: Say no to yourself kindly
TIP 11

Say no to yourself kindly

“Not now.”

TRY THIS
Say it.
Photo for the tip: Make rules simple
TIP 12

Make rules simple

Few and clear.

TRY THIS
Write three.
Photo for the tip: Make rules realistic
TIP 13

Make rules realistic

Achievable.

TRY THIS
Adjust.
Photo for the tip: Make rules visible
TIP 14

Make rules visible

Post them.

TRY THIS
Pin.
Photo for the tip: Use if-then plans
TIP 15

Use if-then plans

“If I feel like scrolling, I’ll walk.”

TRY THIS
Write one.
Photo for the tip: Use friction
TIP 16

Use friction

Delete apps.

TRY THIS
Remove one.
Photo for the tip: Use accountability
TIP 17

Use accountability

Tell a friend.

TRY THIS
Share.
Photo for the tip: Use rewards
TIP 18

Use rewards

Celebrate.

TRY THIS
Plan.
Photo for the tip: Use self-compassion
TIP 19

Use self-compassion

Slips happen.

TRY THIS
Restart.
Photo for the tip: Scene: staying up late
TIP 20

Scene: staying up late

Phone away at 10.

TRY THIS
Charge elsewhere.
Photo for the tip: Scene: overspending
TIP 21

Scene: overspending

Wait 24 hours.

TRY THIS
Delay.
Photo for the tip: Scene: overworking
TIP 22

Scene: overworking

Stop at six.

TRY THIS
Set alarm.
Photo for the tip: Scene: skipping exercise
TIP 23

Scene: skipping exercise

Ten minutes minimum.

TRY THIS
Start.
Photo for the tip: Scene: overeating
TIP 24

Scene: overeating

Eat slowly.

TRY THIS
Pause.
Photo for the tip: Scene: procrastinating
TIP 25

Scene: procrastinating

Work 10 minutes.

TRY THIS
Start.
Photo for the tip: Scene: saying yes too much
TIP 26

Scene: saying yes too much

Wait before answering.

TRY THIS
Pause.
Photo for the tip: Scene: ruminating
TIP 27

Scene: ruminating

Worry window.

TRY THIS
Set it.
Photo for the tip: Scene: self-criticism
TIP 28

Scene: self-criticism

Talk like a friend.

TRY THIS
Try.
Photo for the tip: Scene: comparison
TIP 29

Scene: comparison

Limit social media.

TRY THIS
Log off.
Photo for the tip: Scene: neglecting hobbies
TIP 30

Scene: neglecting hobbies

Schedule them.

TRY THIS
Book.
Photo for the tip: Scene: neglecting friends
TIP 31

Scene: neglecting friends

Weekly contact.

TRY THIS
Plan.
Photo for the tip: Scene: neglecting health
TIP 32

Scene: neglecting health

Annual check-up.

TRY THIS
Book.
Photo for the tip: Review weekly
TIP 33

Review weekly

What worked?

TRY THIS
Reflect.
Photo for the tip: Adjust
TIP 34

Adjust

Change what doesn’t.

TRY THIS
Edit.
Photo for the tip: Be flexible
TIP 35

Be flexible

Rules serve you.

TRY THIS
Bend wisely.
Photo for the tip: Be kind
TIP 36

Be kind

Not a punishment.

TRY THIS
Smile.
Photo for the tip: Be patient
TIP 37

Be patient

Habits take time.

TRY THIS
Keep going.
Photo for the tip: Seek help
TIP 38

Seek help

If you cannot stick to limits, talk to a professional.

TRY THIS
Reach out.
Photo for the tip: Celebrate
TIP 39

Celebrate

Each kept promise.

TRY THIS
Mark it.
Photo for the tip: Close with integrity
TIP 40

Close with integrity

Say, “I keep promises to myself.”

TRY THIS
Write it.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday situations.

PROMISE

“I will go to bed by ten.”

LIMIT

“I will use my phone for one hour.”

PLAN

“I will start at nine.”

REWARD

“I will treat myself when I finish.”

FORGIVE

“I slipped, and I will try again.”

CLOSE

“I kept my word to myself.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Choose one promise
DAY 2
Make it small
DAY 3
Set a time
DAY 4
Remove temptation
DAY 5
Tell a friend
DAY 6
Reward yourself
DAY 7
Forgive slips

Further reading

  • Crucial Conversations (Kerry Patterson and others)
  • Nonviolent Communication (Marshall Rosenberg)
  • Playing Big (Tara Mohr)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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Next lesson: The "I Feel, I Need" Sentence →

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.

More lessons in “Becoming More Assertive”

Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.

← Previous: When Someone Ignores Your BoundaryNext: The "I Feel, I Need" Sentence →

  1. Passive, Aggressive or Assertive?
  2. Why You Struggle to Speak Up
  3. Assertive Does Not Mean Rude
  4. Your Rights in Any Relationship
  5. Where Your Pattern Began
  6. Spot Your Own Passive Habits
  7. The Respect Equation
  8. The Power of a Calm No
  9. Five Kind Ways to Say No
  10. Say No Without Over-Explaining
  11. Buy Time Before You Answer
  12. Say No to Family Gently
  13. Say No at Work Smartly
  14. Handle Guilt After Saying No
  15. Make a Clear Request in One Sentence
  16. Ask for Help Without Shame
  17. Ask for a Raise or Promotion
  18. Ask for a Change in Behaviour
  19. Ask for Space or Time
  20. Follow Up on a Request
  21. Accept a No Gracefully
  22. What Healthy Boundaries Sound Like
  23. The Broken-Record Technique
  24. Boundaries With Pushy People
  25. Boundaries With Friends and Family
  26. Boundaries Online
  27. When Someone Ignores Your Boundary
  28. Boundaries With Yourself
  29. The "I Feel, I Need" Sentence
  30. Respond to Criticism Calmly
  31. Give Honest Feedback Kindly
  32. Disagree Without a Fight
  33. Handle an Interrupter
  34. Stay Calm When Someone Gets Angry
  35. Start With Low-Risk Practice
  36. Rehearse With a Friend
  37. Use a Script for Tough Talks
  38. Review Each Conversation Kindly
  39. Celebrate Each Assertive Win
  40. Your Assertiveness Plan
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