Making Friends / How to Maintain Friendships / Lesson 26

LESSON 26 · HOW TO MAINTAIN FRIENDSHIPS

Plan Visits Well in Advance

Thirty-two easy ways to plan visits well in advance, so the miles between you become something to look forward to.

A visit on the calendar keeps hope alive. Plan early and enjoy it twice.

25 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

25 tips that really help

These ideas come from The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz), Friends (Robin Dunbar), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Why plan early

Booked visits give you something to look forward to and often cost less. Anticipation is part of the joy.

TRY THIS
Plan soon.

TIP 2

Pick a season

Choose a time that suits both of your lives. Seasons have different charms.

TRY THIS
Choose.

TIP 3

Pick flexible dates

Offer two or three options and agree. Early notice helps.

TRY THIS
Offer options.

TIP 4

Talk about costs

Discuss travel, stay and food openly. Clear money talk prevents tension.

TRY THIS
Be open.

TIP 5

Book travel early

Early booking saves money and commits both. Book.

TRY THIS
Book.

TIP 6

Decide where to stay

A friend’s home, a nearby hotel or a shared rental. Choose what suits both.

TRY THIS
Decide.

TIP 7

Plan a few activities

One or two special things you both want. Leave space for free time.

TRY THIS
Plan a few.

TIP 8

Prepare gifts or small treats

A little gift to share makes the arrival warm. Keep it simple.

TRY THIS
Bring one.

TIP 9

Share your excitement

Message about the visit during the countdown. It builds joy.

TRY THIS
Share.

TIP 10

Prepare for goodbyes

Plan something comforting for the end. Next visit date helps.

TRY THIS
Plan.

TIP 11

Plan the next visit

Before you leave, choose the next date. Keep the chain.

TRY THIS
Plan next.

TIP 12

Script: proposing

Shall we plan a visit for June, I would love to see you? Say it warmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 13

Script: costs

What costs would feel comfortable for you? Say it kindly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 14

Script: booking

I have found good train times, shall I book them? Say it helpfully.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 15

Script: excitement

I am counting down the days until I see you. Say it brightly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 16

Script: closing

Thanks for hosting me, see you soon. Say it sincerely.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 17

Mistake: planning at the last minute

Late plans cost more and stress, so plan early.

TRY THIS
Plan.

TIP 18

Troubleshoot: when dates clash

Offer new dates and stay flexible. Keep trying.

TRY THIS
Adapt.

TIP 19

Troubleshoot: when costs are high

Save in advance, choose off-peak times or share a stay. Be creative.

TRY THIS
Be creative.

TIP 20

Troubleshoot: when travel is hard

Meet halfway or choose accessible options. Adapt.

TRY THIS
Adapt.

TIP 21

Troubleshoot: when you have little time

Plan a short weekend. Short still counts.

TRY THIS
Go short.

TIP 22

Troubleshoot: when visits are impossible

Plan a big video event or a surprise post. Connection continues.

TRY THIS
Plan alternative.

TIP 23

Drill: pick a visit date

Pick a date with a friend and book it. Tell them you are excited.

TRY THIS
Book.

TIP 24

Drill: start a visit fund

Set aside a small amount monthly for a visit. Watch it grow.

TRY THIS
Save.

TIP 25

Drill: make a visit list

List things you want to do on the visit. Share with your friend.

TRY THIS
List.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

PROPOSE

“Shall we plan a visit in June?”

BUDGET

“What costs feel comfortable?”

BOOK

“I have found good train times.”

SHARE

“I am so excited to see you.”

THANK

“Thanks for hosting me.”

CLOSE

“See you soon.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Pick a season

DAY 2
Pick dates

DAY 3
Talk money

DAY 4
Book travel

DAY 5
Plan activities

DAY 6
Allow rest

DAY 7
Look forward

Further reading

• The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz)
• Friends (Robin Dunbar)
• Platonic (Marisa Franco)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.