Friendship Needs Maintenance Like Anything Else
Thirty-two easy ways to treat friendship like anything precious that needs maintenance, small care that prevents big loss.
Friendship needs tending. Like a garden, it grows with care.
25 tips that really help
These ideas come from The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz), Friends (Robin Dunbar), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Friendship is like a garden
It needs regular water, sunlight and weeding. Neglect lets weeds grow and flowers fade.
Tend yours.
Schedule time
Put friends in your calendar. Plans that are scheduled happen.
Schedule.
Send small notes
A hello, a photo or a thought. Little touches are water.
Send one.
Share fun
Play and laughter feed friendship. Plan enjoyable things.
Plan fun.
Check in on feelings
Ask, how are you really? Emotional care feeds depth.
Ask.
Fix small issues soon
Small hurts left alone grow. Talk kindly early.
Speak early.
Be reliable
Keep promises. Reliability is the soil of trust.
Deliver.
Celebrate wins
Cheer birthdays, jobs and milestones. Joy shared multiplies.
Celebrate.
Support in hard times
Show up when it counts. These moments last forever.
Show up.
Review once a year
Ask, how can I be a better friend? Open and kind.
Review.
Script: watering
Thinking of you today and sending a smile. Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: fixing
Can we talk about that misunderstanding? I care about us. Say it gently.
Use it.
Script: planning
Shall we plan something fun for next month? Say it brightly.
Use it.
Script: checking
How are we doing? Is there anything I can do better? Say it kindly.
Use it.
Script: closing
Thanks for being a good friend, I value you. Say it sincerely.
Use it.
Mistake: assuming friendship maintains itself
Neglect fades even strong bonds, so tend them.
Act.
Mistake: only contacting in crisis
Mix joy and fun with support, so contact often.
Add fun.
Troubleshoot: when you have little time
Use tiny touches like a heart or a voice note. Small is real.
Go tiny.
Troubleshoot: when you run out of ideas
Keep a list of ideas in your notes. Use it.
List.
Troubleshoot: when a friend neglects the bond
Share your wish kindly and ask for a small change. Honest talk helps.
Speak kindly.
Troubleshoot: when care feels one-sided
Balance your giving and invest in friends who return it. Self-respect matters.
Adjust.
Troubleshoot: when you feel tired of effort
Lighten the rhythm and focus on your top friends. Pace yourself.
Pace.
Drill: list five maintenance habits
List five habits that tend friendship, like weekly notes. Do one.
List.
Drill: schedule a friend hour
Block one hour a week for friends. Protect it.
Block.
Drill: send a watering note
Send a small thinking-of-you note to someone today. Notice the reply.
Send.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“Thinking of you today.”
“Let us clear up that misunderstanding.”
“Shall we plan something fun?”
“How are we doing?”
“Thanks for being a good friend.”
“I value you.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Schedule time
Send small notes
Check in on feelings
Fix small issues soon
Celebrate often
Share fun
Review yearly
Further reading
- The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz)
- Friends (Robin Dunbar)
- Platonic (Marisa Franco)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
