Video Calls With Purpose
Thirty-two easy ways to make video calls with purpose, so every call feels warm, easy and worth having.
A call with a purpose feels special. Plan a little, enjoy a lot.
27 tips that really help
These ideas come from The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz), Friends (Robin Dunbar), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Purpose adds joy
Aimless calls can drift into awkward silence. A small purpose, like cooking, walking or showing a place, gives shape.
Pick one.
Choose a regular time
A standing slot makes the habit easy. Weekly or fortnightly works well.
Set it.
Prepare a few topics
Note things to share during the week. Easy flow.
Note topics.
Check your tech
Test camera, sound and internet in advance. Smooth tech saves stress.
Test it.
Find good light
Face a window or lamp. Light shows your smile.
Light up.
Put distractions away
Close tabs and silence phones. Presence is the gift.
Focus.
Greet warmly
Say, it is so good to see your face. Warm starts matter.
Greet.
Share something visual
Show your pet, your view or your meal. Visuals close distance.
Show.
Do something together
Cook, walk, play a game or do a puzzle online. Shared activity helps.
Do something.
Ask good questions
Ask about their day, their town and their plans. Deeper questions help too.
Ask.
Keep it manageable
Thirty to sixty minutes is lovely. Longer can tire.
Set a length.
End with the next date
Say, same time next week? Predictability is comforting.
Book it.
Script: planning
Shall we cook the same recipe together on a video call? Say it brightly.
Use it.
Script: greeting
It is so good to see your face! Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: sharing
Let me show you my new flat, I am so excited. Say it cheerfully.
Use it.
Script: asking
What was the best part of your week, tell me everything? Say it with interest.
Use it.
Script: closing
Thanks for making time, same time next week? Say it sincerely.
Use it.
Mistake: cancelling often
Reliable calls build trust, so keep your slot.
Be reliable.
Mistake: ignoring time zones
Late calls tire people, so find a fair time.
Plan.
Troubleshoot: when the connection is poor
Switch to audio or try again later. Do not stress.
Adapt.
Troubleshoot: when you run out of things to say
Share a photo, a story or a question list. Do an activity together.
Prepare.
Troubleshoot: when you feel self-conscious
Hide your self-view and look at their face. Relax.
Hide it.
Troubleshoot: when schedules clash
Offer rotating times or a monthly slot. Flexibility helps.
Be flexible.
Troubleshoot: when you miss them badly
Say so kindly and plan a visit. Naming feelings helps.
Share feelings.
Drill: schedule a purposeful call
Schedule a video call with a purpose this week. Put it in the calendar.
Do it.
Drill: plan a shared activity
Plan cooking or a film together online. Try it.
Plan.
Drill: make a question list
Write ten questions for calls. Keep them handy.
Write.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“Shall we cook together on call?”
“It is so good to see your face.”
“Let me show you my new place.”
“What was the best part of your week?”
“Thanks for making time.”
“Same time next week?”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Pick a purpose
Prepare topics
Check tech
Find good light
Be present
Share something visual
End with a plan
Further reading
- The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz)
- Friends (Robin Dunbar)
- Platonic (Marisa Franco)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “How to Maintain Friendships”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Make Time Zones WorkNext: Watch, Play or Cook Together Online →
- Why Good Friendships Fade Without a Fight
- Time, Distance and Busy Seasons
- Life Stages and Friend Drift
- The Silence Spiral
- Why It Is Never Too Late to Reconnect
- Friendship Needs Maintenance Like Anything Else
- What Long Friendships Have in Common
- The Five-Minute Check-In
- Share Something That Made You Think of Them
- React to Their Posts Meaningfully
- Send a Voice Note on Your Walk
- Keep a Standing Weekly Call
- The Birthday Habit
- Gratitude Messages for No Reason
- The Annual Trip or Reunion
- Monthly Dinner or Game Night
- Holiday Traditions With Friends
- Book Clubs and Shared Projects
- Walk-and-Talk Dates
- Create a Friend Group Chat Worth Keeping
- Celebrate Milestones Together
- Make Time Zones Work
- Video Calls With Purpose
- Watch, Play or Cook Together Online
- Send Letters, Cards and Surprises
- Plan Visits Well in Advance
- Make Every Reunion Count
- Keep the Daily Life Connection
- Reach Out After a Long Silence
- Apologise Sincerely and Simply
- Forgive Without Forgetting Yourself
- Resolve a Misunderstanding
- Rebuild After a Disagreement
- Make Peace With Friends Who Have Changed
- Nurture a Circle, Not Just a Few People
- Make New Friends at Every Age
- Be a Friend to Older and Younger People
- Leave Room for Change
- Let Go Kindly When You Must
- Your Lifelong Friendship Plan
