Be a Friend to Older and Younger People
Thirty-two easy ways to be a friend to older and younger people, because friendship across ages enriches every life.
Age is a bridge, not a wall. Both sides gain.
27 tips that really help
These ideas come from The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz), Friends (Robin Dunbar), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Why cross-age friendships
Older friends bring wisdom and perspective. Younger friends bring energy and fresh ideas. Each stage has gifts to share.
Try it.
Be curious about their life
Ask about their stories, work and dreams. Everyone has treasure.
Ask.
Listen with respect
Older people often love to be heard. Younger people want to be taken seriously.
Listen.
Share skills
Teach a phone trick or learn a recipe. Skill swaps bond.
Swap skills.
Find shared interests
Gardening, music, cooking, walking. Interests cross ages.
Find one.
Be reliable
Visit, call and keep promises. Reliability matters most to those who may be lonely.
Be dependable.
Respect different styles
Communication differs by generation. Be patient with phones and calls.
Adapt.
Avoid stereotypes
Do not assume older people are frail or younger people are careless. See the person.
See them.
Mentor and be mentored
Both ways. Be willing to teach and to learn.
Exchange.
Join intergenerational groups
Community gardens, choirs and volunteering mix ages. Try one.
Join.
Keep touch with kindness
Small cards, calls and visits. Low cost, high joy.
Stay in touch.
Celebrate each other
Mark birthdays and wins. Joy has no age.
Celebrate.
Script: asking
Tell me about your life when you were my age. Say it with interest.
Use it.
Script: learning
Could you show me how you make that? Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: sharing
Here is a tip that might help you with your phone. Say it kindly.
Use it.
Script: honouring
I really appreciate your wisdom and your time. Say it sincerely.
Use it.
Script: closing
Let us do this again soon, I enjoyed it. Say it cheerfully.
Use it.
Mistake: talking down to older people
Respect their experience, so speak as equals.
Be respectful.
Mistake: lecturing
Advice only when asked, so ask first.
Hold back.
Troubleshoot: when you have little in common
Try a shared activity like cooking or walking. Doing builds talk.
Do something.
Troubleshoot: when communication differs
Ask how they prefer to be contacted and respect it. Calls, cards or texts.
Ask.
Troubleshoot: when they feel lonely
Visit, call regularly and invite them along. Small acts matter.
Be present.
Troubleshoot: when families disapprove
Stay kind and clear about your intentions. Friendship is okay.
Be steady.
Troubleshoot: when you feel awkward
Ask simple questions and listen. Awkwardness fades.
Relax.
Drill: have tea with someone of another generation
Invite someone much older or younger for tea. Ask about their life.
Do it.
Drill: swap a skill
Offer to teach one skill and learn one. Arrange it.
Offer.
Drill: join an intergenerational group
Find one mixed-age group nearby and attend once. Go.
Join.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“Tell me about your life.”
“Can you show me how?”
“Here is something I enjoy.”
“I appreciate your wisdom.”
“Thanks for teaching me.”
“Let us do this again.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Be curious
Listen
Share skills
Respect
Plan shared activities
Stay in touch
Enjoy
Further reading
- The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz)
- Friends (Robin Dunbar)
- Platonic (Marisa Franco)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “How to Maintain Friendships”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Make New Friends at Every AgeNext: Leave Room for Change →
- Why Good Friendships Fade Without a Fight
- Time, Distance and Busy Seasons
- Life Stages and Friend Drift
- The Silence Spiral
- Why It Is Never Too Late to Reconnect
- Friendship Needs Maintenance Like Anything Else
- What Long Friendships Have in Common
- The Five-Minute Check-In
- Share Something That Made You Think of Them
- React to Their Posts Meaningfully
- Send a Voice Note on Your Walk
- Keep a Standing Weekly Call
- The Birthday Habit
- Gratitude Messages for No Reason
- The Annual Trip or Reunion
- Monthly Dinner or Game Night
- Holiday Traditions With Friends
- Book Clubs and Shared Projects
- Walk-and-Talk Dates
- Create a Friend Group Chat Worth Keeping
- Celebrate Milestones Together
- Make Time Zones Work
- Video Calls With Purpose
- Watch, Play or Cook Together Online
- Send Letters, Cards and Surprises
- Plan Visits Well in Advance
- Make Every Reunion Count
- Keep the Daily Life Connection
- Reach Out After a Long Silence
- Apologise Sincerely and Simply
- Forgive Without Forgetting Yourself
- Resolve a Misunderstanding
- Rebuild After a Disagreement
- Make Peace With Friends Who Have Changed
- Nurture a Circle, Not Just a Few People
- Make New Friends at Every Age
- Be a Friend to Older and Younger People
- Leave Room for Change
- Let Go Kindly When You Must
- Your Lifelong Friendship Plan
