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Making Friends / How to Maintain Friendships / Lesson 19
LESSON 19 · HOW TO MAINTAIN FRIENDSHIPS

Walk-and-Talk Dates

Thirty-two easy ways to enjoy walk-and-talk dates, the free, relaxed way to deepen any friendship.

Walking makes talking easy. Fresh air helps hearts open.

26 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan
Start with tip 1
Jump to the 7-day plan

26 tips that really help

These ideas come from The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz), Friends (Robin Dunbar), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

Photo for the tip: Why walking works
TIP 1

Why walking works

Walking side by side removes eye-contact pressure, so people open up. Movement and nature also improve mood.

TRY THIS
Try it.
Photo for the tip: Pick a pleasant route
TIP 2

Pick a pleasant route

Parks, trails, rivers or quiet streets. Pleasant places lift talks.

TRY THIS
Choose.
Photo for the tip: Pick a regular time
TIP 3

Pick a regular time

Same day each week or fortnight. Regularity builds habit.

TRY THIS
Schedule.
Photo for the tip: Wear comfortable shoes
TIP 4

Wear comfortable shoes

Comfort keeps focus on talking. Check the weather.

TRY THIS
Prepare.
Photo for the tip: Bring water and a snack
TIP 5

Bring water and a snack

Small comforts make longer walks pleasant. Pack light.

TRY THIS
Pack.
Photo for the tip: Match your pace
TIP 6

Match your pace

Walk at a speed you both enjoy. Kindness shows.

TRY THIS
Adapt.
Photo for the tip: Start with light talk
TIP 7

Start with light talk

Begin with the view or the weather. Warm up.

TRY THIS
Start light.
Photo for the tip: Move to deeper topics
TIP 8

Move to deeper topics

When it feels right, ask about feelings and dreams. Walking invites depth.

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Go deeper.
Photo for the tip: Allow silence
TIP 9

Allow silence

Comfortable quiet is fine. Walk and notice.

TRY THIS
Enjoy it.
Photo for the tip: Notice nature together
TIP 10

Notice nature together

Point out birds, trees and sky. Shared noticing bonds.

TRY THIS
Notice.
Photo for the tip: End with a treat
TIP 11

End with a treat

A coffee or ice cream makes a nice end. Small rewards.

TRY THIS
Treat.
Photo for the tip: Script: inviting
TIP 12

Script: inviting

Shall we go for a walk on Saturday morning? Say it warmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.
Photo for the tip: Script: choosing
TIP 13

Script: choosing

There is a lovely trail by the river, would you like to try it? Say it brightly.

TRY THIS
Use it.
Photo for the tip: Script: asking
TIP 14

Script: asking

Tell me about your week, I would love to hear. Say it with interest.

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Use it.
Photo for the tip: Script: noticing
TIP 15

Script: noticing

Look at that view, it is beautiful. Say it softly.

TRY THIS
Use it.
Photo for the tip: Script: closing
TIP 16

Script: closing

Thanks for walking with me, same time next week? Say it sincerely.

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Use it.
Photo for the tip: Mistake: using it as exercise only
TIP 17

Mistake: using it as exercise only

Keep it relaxed, so enjoy the talk.

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Relax.
Photo for the tip: Mistake: ignoring weather
TIP 18

Mistake: ignoring weather

Prepare for rain and sun, so check.

TRY THIS
Plan.
Photo for the tip: Troubleshoot: when it rains
TIP 19

Troubleshoot: when it rains

Use umbrellas or walk in a mall or a covered path. Or reschedule.

TRY THIS
Adapt.
Photo for the tip: Troubleshoot: when mobility is limited
TIP 20

Troubleshoot: when mobility is limited

Choose accessible paths or a gentle roll. Pace is free.

TRY THIS
Adapt.
Photo for the tip: Troubleshoot: when it is dark
TIP 21

Troubleshoot: when it is dark

Choose a lit, safe route or walk earlier. Safety first.

TRY THIS
Be safe.
Photo for the tip: Troubleshoot: when you are far apart
TIP 22

Troubleshoot: when you are far apart

Walk on the phone together. Same time, different places.

TRY THIS
Call and walk.
Photo for the tip: Troubleshoot: when you run out of things to say
TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when you run out of things to say

Notice the scenery or ask a favourite-things question. Silence is okay.

TRY THIS
Relax.
Photo for the tip: Drill: invite a friend
TIP 24

Drill: invite a friend

Invite a friend for a walk this week. Pick a day.

TRY THIS
Invite.
Photo for the tip: Drill: make a route list
TIP 25

Drill: make a route list

List three nice routes near you. Use one.

TRY THIS
List.
Photo for the tip: Drill: try a phone walk
TIP 26

Drill: try a phone walk

Walk while on a call with a distant friend. Enjoy.

TRY THIS
Try.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

INVITE

“Shall we go for a walk?”

CHOOSE

“There is a lovely trail by the river.”

SHARE

“Tell me about your week.”

NOTICE

“Look at that view.”

THANK

“Thanks for walking with me.”

CLOSE

“Same time next week?”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Pick a route
DAY 2
Pick a time
DAY 3
Wear comfortable shoes
DAY 4
Bring water
DAY 5
Walk side by side
DAY 6
Chat easily
DAY 7
Repeat

Further reading

  • The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz)
  • Friends (Robin Dunbar)
  • Platonic (Marisa Franco)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

← All How to Maintain Friendships lessons
Next lesson: Create a Friend Group Chat Worth Keeping →

More lessons in “How to Maintain Friendships”

Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.

← Previous: Book Clubs and Shared ProjectsNext: Create a Friend Group Chat Worth Keeping →

  1. Why Good Friendships Fade Without a Fight
  2. Time, Distance and Busy Seasons
  3. Life Stages and Friend Drift
  4. The Silence Spiral
  5. Why It Is Never Too Late to Reconnect
  6. Friendship Needs Maintenance Like Anything Else
  7. What Long Friendships Have in Common
  8. The Five-Minute Check-In
  9. Share Something That Made You Think of Them
  10. React to Their Posts Meaningfully
  11. Send a Voice Note on Your Walk
  12. Keep a Standing Weekly Call
  13. The Birthday Habit
  14. Gratitude Messages for No Reason
  15. The Annual Trip or Reunion
  16. Monthly Dinner or Game Night
  17. Holiday Traditions With Friends
  18. Book Clubs and Shared Projects
  19. Walk-and-Talk Dates
  20. Create a Friend Group Chat Worth Keeping
  21. Celebrate Milestones Together
  22. Make Time Zones Work
  23. Video Calls With Purpose
  24. Watch, Play or Cook Together Online
  25. Send Letters, Cards and Surprises
  26. Plan Visits Well in Advance
  27. Make Every Reunion Count
  28. Keep the Daily Life Connection
  29. Reach Out After a Long Silence
  30. Apologise Sincerely and Simply
  31. Forgive Without Forgetting Yourself
  32. Resolve a Misunderstanding
  33. Rebuild After a Disagreement
  34. Make Peace With Friends Who Have Changed
  35. Nurture a Circle, Not Just a Few People
  36. Make New Friends at Every Age
  37. Be a Friend to Older and Younger People
  38. Leave Room for Change
  39. Let Go Kindly When You Must
  40. Your Lifelong Friendship Plan
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