Make New Friends at Every Age
Thirty-two easy ways to make new friends at every age, because belonging is possible at twenty, forty or eighty.
It is never too late. Every age can bloom.
26 tips that really help
These ideas come from The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz), Friends (Robin Dunbar), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Friendship is possible at any age
People form deep friendships at 20, 50 and 80. The ingredients are the same: time, shared interests and kindness.
Believe it.
In your twenties
Join clubs, classes and communities. Say yes to invitations. Build habits.
Be open.
In your thirties and forties
Busy life needs planning. Use regular activities like parent groups, sports and work friends.
Plan.
In your fifties and sixties
Use more free time for classes, volunteering and travel groups. New chapters bring new friends.
Explore.
In your seventies and beyond
Join community centres, walking groups and faith groups. Loneliness is lessened by connection.
Join.
Be a regular
Same place, same time, same people. Familiarity grows friendship.
Be regular.
Say yes to invitations
Yes is the engine of social life. Say it more.
Say yes.
Ask good questions
Curiosity helps at any age. Ask about their story.
Ask.
Share about yourself
Be open in small ways. Openness invites openness.
Share.
Follow up
Message people you click with. Small notes matter.
Follow up.
Try online groups
Online communities connect people with niche interests. Then meet locally.
Try one.
Be patient
It takes about fifty hours to move from acquaintance to friend, and more for close friends. Give time.
Be patient.
Script: joining
I would love to meet new people, is it okay if I join? Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: asking
What brought you to this group? Say it with interest.
Use it.
Script: inviting
Would you like to get a coffee after the class? Say it lightly.
Use it.
Script: sharing
I am quite new here and still finding my way. Say it kindly.
Use it.
Script: closing
Thanks for chatting, let us do this again soon. Say it sincerely.
Use it.
Mistake: thinking it is too late
Friendship has no age limit, so try.
Begin.
Mistake: giving up after one meeting
Friendship takes repeat contact, so go again.
Return.
Troubleshoot: when you feel shy
Start with small steps like greeting a neighbour. Build slowly.
Start small.
Troubleshoot: when you have little energy
Choose short, easy activities and online groups. Pace.
Go light.
Troubleshoot: when you have health limits
Look for accessible groups and online options. Many exist.
Search.
Troubleshoot: when you have moved far
Join local groups early and stay open. New places take time.
Be patient.
Troubleshoot: when friends have moved or passed away
Grieve, honour them and open to new connections. Both can be true.
Be gentle.
Drill: pick a group for your age
Search for a group suited to your age and interests. Attend once.
Search.
Drill: say yes this week
Say yes to one invitation this week. Go.
Do it.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“I would like to meet new people.”
“What brought you here?”
“Would you like to get coffee?”
“I am new in town.”
“Thanks for chatting.”
“Let us do this again.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Say yes
Join a group
Be a regular
Ask questions
Follow up
Be patient
Enjoy
Further reading
- The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz)
- Friends (Robin Dunbar)
- Platonic (Marisa Franco)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
