Making Friends / How to Maintain Friendships / Lesson 08

LESSON 08 · HOW TO MAINTAIN FRIENDSHIPS

The Five-Minute Check-In

Thirty-two easy ways to use the five-minute check-in, a tiny habit that keeps friendships warm all year.

Five minutes can keep a friendship alive. Do it daily or weekly.

27 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

27 tips that really help

These ideas come from The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz), Friends (Robin Dunbar), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Tiny habits work

Five minutes is easy to keep. Over a year it adds up to hundreds of warm touches.

TRY THIS
Start.

TIP 2

Pick a time

Link it to a daily habit like morning coffee. Habits stick to habits.

TRY THIS
Choose.

TIP 3

Pick one or two names

Keep a list in your notes. Rotate fairly.

TRY THIS
List names.

TIP 4

Send a short message

How is your day going? is perfect. Short and warm.

TRY THIS
Send it.

TIP 5

Ask one easy question

Anything exciting this week? One question invites a reply.

TRY THIS
Ask.

TIP 6

Share one small thing

A photo, joke or thought. Easy to give.

TRY THIS
Share.

TIP 7

Use voice notes sometimes

A short voice note adds warmth. Variety helps.

TRY THIS
Try one.

TIP 8

Track your streak

Tick each day on a calendar. Streaks motivate.

TRY THIS
Track it.

TIP 9

Include family

Add relatives to the list. They love small hellos.

TRY THIS
Include them.

TIP 10

Celebrate the habit

After a month, notice how connected you feel. Be proud.

TRY THIS
Celebrate.

TIP 11

Script: check-in

Hi, how is your day going so far? Say it warmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 12

Script: sharing

Something made me smile today and I thought of you. Say it brightly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 13

Script: asking

Anything exciting coming up this week? Say it with interest.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 14

Script: caring

Hope you are doing okay, no need to reply. Say it gently.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 15

Script: closing

Thanks for always replying, talk soon. Say it sincerely.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 16

Mistake: trying to do too much

Big goals get dropped, so keep to five minutes.

TRY THIS
Stay small.

TIP 17

Mistake: skipping days then giving up

One miss is fine, so restart the next day.

TRY THIS
Restart.

TIP 18

Mistake: expecting a reply every time

Not every message needs one, so enjoy sending.

TRY THIS
Let go.

TIP 19

Mistake: turning it into a chore

If it feels like work, simplify. Joy first.

TRY THIS
Lighten.

TIP 20

Troubleshoot: when you forget

Set a daily alarm labelled friend moment. Cues help.

TRY THIS
Set it.

TIP 21

Troubleshoot: when you run out of ideas

Keep a list of lines, songs and photos. Borrow from it.

TRY THIS
List ideas.

TIP 22

Troubleshoot: when you are tired

Send a heart or a short voice note. Minimal still counts.

TRY THIS
Do the minimum.

TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when a friend does not reply

Keep sending light notes now and then. Do not keep score.

TRY THIS
Be patient.

TIP 24

Troubleshoot: when you feel awkward

Remember you are being kind. Most people are touched.

TRY THIS
Send it.

TIP 25

Drill: seven-day streak

Send one kind message a day for seven days. Mark each tick.

TRY THIS
Start.

TIP 26

Drill: prepare ten lines

Write ten daily lines ahead of time. Use them.

TRY THIS
Write.

TIP 27

Drill: choose a cue

Link your five minutes to a daily habit. Try it for a week.

TRY THIS
Choose.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

CHECK

“How is your day going?”

SHARE

“Something made me smile today.”

ASK

“Anything exciting coming up?”

CARE

“Hope you are okay.”

THANK

“Thanks for always replying.”

CLOSE

“Talk soon.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Pick a time

DAY 2
Pick a name

DAY 3
Send a short note

DAY 4
Ask one question

DAY 5
Share one thing

DAY 6
Reply to replies

DAY 7
Track

Further reading

• The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz)
• Friends (Robin Dunbar)
• Platonic (Marisa Franco)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.