Making Friends / How to Maintain Friendships / Lesson 35

LESSON 35 · HOW TO MAINTAIN FRIENDSHIPS

Nurture a Circle, Not Just a Few People

Thirty-two easy ways to nurture a circle, not just a few people, so your life is rich with many kinds of friends.

A circle holds you up. Many hands, many hearts.

27 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

27 tips that really help

These ideas come from The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz), Friends (Robin Dunbar), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Why a circle

One or two friends cannot meet every need. A circle spreads support, joy and wisdom, and makes you resilient.

TRY THIS
Build yours.

TIP 2

Map your circle

Draw close, good and casual friends. See who is missing.

TRY THIS
Draw it.

TIP 3

Fill the gaps

If you have no neighbour friends, no work friends or no hobby friends, grow that area.

TRY THIS
Choose one.

TIP 4

Mix friend types

Fun friends, deep friends, practical friends, mentors, younger friends. Variety is wealth.

TRY THIS
Mix them.

TIP 5

Introduce friends to each other

Connectors strengthen circles. Link friends who would enjoy each other.

TRY THIS
Introduce.

TIP 6

Host small gatherings

Tea, a walk or a game night. Small events weave circles.

TRY THIS
Host.

TIP 7

Keep casual ties warm

A few messages a year keep them alive. Low cost, high value.

TRY THIS
Message.

TIP 8

Support each other

Share news, cheer wins and help in hard times. Reciprocity builds circles.

TRY THIS
Support.

TIP 9

Be a regular somewhere

Cafes, clubs and classes give repeated contact. Be a familiar face.

TRY THIS
Be regular.

TIP 10

Say yes more often

Accept invitations when you can. Yes grows circles.

TRY THIS
Say yes.

TIP 11

Invite across ages

Friends of different ages bring fresh views. Open up.

TRY THIS
Widen.

TIP 12

Review yearly

Each year ask who you want closer and who you have drifted from. Adjust.

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Review.

TIP 13

Script: inviting

Would you like to join us for tea on Sunday? Say it warmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 14

Script: introducing

I think you two would really get along, let me introduce you. Say it brightly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 15

Script: sharing

I love having friends from so many parts of my life. Say it sincerely.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 16

Script: planning

Let us all meet next month for a picnic. Say it cheerfully.

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Use it.

TIP 17

Script: closing

Thanks for being part of my circle. Say it gently.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 18

Mistake: collecting contacts without care

Shallow numbers feel empty, so nurture some.

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Go deeper.

TIP 19

Mistake: neglecting old friends

Old friends are treasure, so keep touch.

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Stay in touch.

TIP 20

Troubleshoot: when you are new in town

Join groups, say yes and be regular somewhere. Familiar places help.

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Be regular.

TIP 21

Troubleshoot: when you are introverted

Choose small groups and one-to-ones. Quality works.

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Go small.

TIP 22

Troubleshoot: when time is short

Use short, regular touches like messages and quick coffees. Little adds up.

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Go light.

TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when you feel lonely in a crowd

Seek deeper connection with one or two people. Depth matters.

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Go deeper.

TIP 24

Troubleshoot: when friends drift

Reach out warmly and widen again. Circles change.

TRY THIS
Renew.

TIP 25

Drill: draw your circle map

Draw your friend circles and mark gaps. Plan one action.

TRY THIS
Draw.

TIP 26

Drill: add one new connection

Add one new connection this month. Follow up once.

TRY THIS
Do it.

TIP 27

Drill: introduce two friends

Introduce two friends who may click this month. Arrange a meet.

TRY THIS
Introduce.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

INVITE

“Would you like to join our group?”

CONNECT

“Let me introduce you two.”

SHARE

“I enjoy having different friends.”

THANK

“Thanks for being in my circle.”

PLAN

“Let us all meet next month.”

CLOSE

“I feel supported.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Map your circle

DAY 2
Fill the gaps

DAY 3
Mix friend types

DAY 4
Introduce friends

DAY 5
Host small gatherings

DAY 6
Keep casual ties warm

DAY 7
Review yearly

Further reading

• The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz)
• Friends (Robin Dunbar)
• Platonic (Marisa Franco)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.