What Long Friendships Have in Common
Thirty-two easy lessons from what long friendships have in common, so you can copy the habits that last.
Lasting friendships share simple habits. You can copy them.
28 tips that really help
These ideas come from The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz), Friends (Robin Dunbar), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
What lasts
Research on long friendships finds repeated habits: staying in touch, being supportive, forgiving and enjoying each other. These are learnable.
Copy them.
They show up in hard times
Long friends turn up when things are tough. Presence builds trust.
Show up.
They stay in touch
Even if sparse, contact is steady. A thin thread stays strong.
Keep touching.
They are honest and kind
They tell the truth with care. Honesty gives depth.
Be real.
They forgive
Long friends forgive slips and misunderstandings. Forgiveness is oxygen.
Forgive.
They laugh together
Shared humour and inside jokes bond people for decades. Laugh often.
Laugh.
They share memories
Old stories are a treasure. Retell them.
Recall.
They allow change
Long friends let each other grow. Acceptance keeps them close.
Accept.
They make time
Even when busy, they find slots. Time is love.
Make time.
They celebrate each other
They cheer wins and mourn losses together. Shared emotion bonds.
Celebrate.
They give without scorekeeping
Generosity flows both ways without counting. Trust the balance.
Give freely.
They have rituals
Yearly trips, annual calls or regular dinners. Rituals anchor friendship.
Create one.
They say thank you
Gratitude is spoken, not assumed. Say it.
Thank.
Script: showing up
I am here for you, whatever you need. Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: forgiving
Let us put it behind us, our friendship matters more. Say it gently.
Use it.
Script: sharing
Tell me everything about your life these days. Say it with interest.
Use it.
Script: laughing
Remember that time we got lost? I still laugh. Say it brightly.
Use it.
Script: closing
Thanks for all these years, here is to many more. Say it sincerely.
Use it.
Mistake: expecting a perfect friendship
No friendship is perfect, so accept flaws.
Be realistic.
Mistake: only contacting at big events
Regular small touches matter, so stay in touch.
Message.
Troubleshoot: when you have no long friendships yet
Start now. Every long friendship began as a new one.
Begin.
Troubleshoot: when a long friendship feels stale
Try something new together. Fresh experiences help.
Refresh.
Troubleshoot: when you lost a long friend
Grieve and treasure the memories. Reach out to others.
Be kind.
Troubleshoot: when you live far apart
Use rituals like a yearly trip and regular calls. Distance bends.
Plan.
Troubleshoot: when your values diverge
Respect differences and focus on what you share. Decide how close to stay.
Be wise.
Drill: write what makes your best friendship last
Write five reasons your best friendship lasts. Use them for others.
Write.
Drill: copy one habit
Choose one habit from lasting friendships and use it this week. Notice.
Try.
Drill: thank an old friend
Thank an old friend for something specific. Be sincere.
Thank.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“I am here for you.”
“Let us put it behind us.”
“Tell me about your life.”
“Remember that time?”
“Thanks for all these years.”
“Here is to many more.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Show up
Be honest
Forgive
Laugh together
Keep contact
Support growth
Appreciate
Further reading
- The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz)
- Friends (Robin Dunbar)
- Platonic (Marisa Franco)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
