Making Friends / How to Maintain Friendships / Lesson 20

LESSON 20 · HOW TO MAINTAIN FRIENDSHIPS

Create a Friend Group Chat Worth Keeping

Thirty-two easy ways to create a friend group chat worth keeping, warm, useful and never overwhelming.

A good chat feels like a living room. Make it welcoming.

26 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

26 tips that really help

These ideas come from The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz), Friends (Robin Dunbar), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Chats can be joyful

A good group chat keeps friends connected through the week with jokes, plans and support. A bad one causes noise and stress.

TRY THIS
Make yours good.

TIP 2

Set a purpose

Name it: Friday plans, Book club, or Family and friends. A purpose guides content.

TRY THIS
Name it.

TIP 3

Invite carefully

Include people who get along. A good mix is gold.

TRY THIS
Choose well.

TIP 4

Welcome new members

Say hello and invite an introduction. Warmth counts.

TRY THIS
Welcome.

TIP 5

Set kind norms

Agree no gossip, no late-night pings, and kindness first. A few norms protect the vibe.

TRY THIS
Agree.

TIP 6

Share warm things

Photos, wins, thanks and jokes. Positive content builds joy.

TRY THIS
Share.

TIP 7

Keep messages short

Short is easier to read. Avoid essays.

TRY THIS
Be brief.

TIP 8

Use polls for plans

Polls help decide dates and places. Clean and quick.

TRY THIS
Use polls.

TIP 9

Pin key information

Pin dates and addresses. Everyone finds them.

TRY THIS
Pin.

TIP 10

Respect quiet times

Avoid late nights and early mornings. Rest matters.

TRY THIS
Be considerate.

TIP 11

Move private talk out

Serious issues go to private chat. Keep the group light.

TRY THIS
Move it.

TIP 12

Check in with quiet members

Message privately to include them. Everyone matters.

TRY THIS
Include.

TIP 13

Script: welcoming

Welcome to the group, we are so glad you are here! Say it warmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 14

Script: plan

Who is free on Saturday for a walk? Say it brightly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 15

Script: norms

Let us keep this chat kind and gossip-free, okay? Say it gently.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 16

Script: muting

I will mute for tonight and catch up in the morning. Say it lightly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 17

Script: closing

Good night, all, sweet dreams. Say it cheerfully.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 18

Mistake: flooding the chat

Too many messages tire people, so batch your thoughts.

TRY THIS
Be concise.

TIP 19

Troubleshoot: when the chat is too busy

Mute, leave quietly or agree to quieter rules. It is fine.

TRY THIS
Mute.

TIP 20

Troubleshoot: when someone is rude

Message them privately or ask an organiser to help. Protect the group.

TRY THIS
Speak privately.

TIP 21

Troubleshoot: when it goes silent

Post a light question or photo. Do not give up quickly.

TRY THIS
Revive.

TIP 22

Troubleshoot: when plans never happen

Pick a leader and date. Poll and confirm.

TRY THIS
Lead.

TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when you want to leave

Say a short thank-you and step out. Keep friends in private chats.

TRY THIS
Exit kindly.

TIP 24

Drill: create a group chat

Create a chat with a clear purpose and three friends. Send a welcome.

TRY THIS
Create.

TIP 25

Drill: set two norms

Suggest two kind norms and ask for thumbs-ups. See the reactions.

TRY THIS
Suggest.

TIP 26

Drill: post a photo

Post one warm photo in a group chat this week. Note replies.

TRY THIS
Post.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

WELCOME

“Welcome to the group!”

SHARE

“Look at this photo.”

PLAN

“Who is free on Saturday?”

CHEER

“Congratulations!”

MUTE

“I will mute for tonight.”

CLOSE

“Good night, all.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Set a purpose

DAY 2
Invite carefully

DAY 3
Set kind norms

DAY 4
Share warm things

DAY 5
Use polls

DAY 6
Respect quiet times

DAY 7
Review

Further reading

• The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz)
• Friends (Robin Dunbar)
• Platonic (Marisa Franco)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.