ARV Connect & Grow
Start free
Subscribe
Making Friends / How to Maintain Friendships / Lesson 14
LESSON 14 · HOW TO MAINTAIN FRIENDSHIPS

Gratitude Messages for No Reason

Thirty-two easy ways to send gratitude messages for no reason, the quiet habit that makes friends glow.

Thanks needs no occasion. Say it just because.

28 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan
Start with tip 1
Jump to the 7-day plan

28 tips that really help

These ideas come from The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz), Friends (Robin Dunbar), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

Photo for the tip: Gratitude for no reason
TIP 1

Gratitude for no reason

A random thank-you feels special because it is unexpected. It tells friends they are valued, not just useful.

TRY THIS
Send one.
Photo for the tip: Research on gratitude
TIP 2

Research on gratitude

Studies find that people who express gratitude feel happier and more connected, and receivers feel moved. Both win.

TRY THIS
Try it.
Photo for the tip: Notice kindness
TIP 3

Notice kindness

Pay attention to what friends do and who they are. You cannot thank what you do not see.

TRY THIS
Notice.
Photo for the tip: Write a line
TIP 4

Write a line

Two sentences are enough. Short thanks feel sincere.

TRY THIS
Write.
Photo for the tip: Be specific
TIP 5

Be specific

Say, I loved how you helped me move. Specific thanks lands.

TRY THIS
Be specific.
Photo for the tip: Say what it meant
TIP 6

Say what it meant

Add, it meant a lot to me. Feelings deepen thanks.

TRY THIS
Add feeling.
Photo for the tip: Send it by different means
TIP 7

Send it by different means

A message, a voice note or a card. Variety delights.

TRY THIS
Vary.
Photo for the tip: Add no pressure
TIP 8

Add no pressure

Say, no need to reply. People relax.

TRY THIS
Add it.
Photo for the tip: Thank qualities not only acts
TIP 9

Thank qualities not only acts

Say, I admire your kindness. Appreciating who they are is powerful.

TRY THIS
Appreciate.
Photo for the tip: Do it weekly
TIP 10

Do it weekly

One gratitude message a week builds a warm habit.

TRY THIS
Repeat.
Photo for the tip: Notice how you feel
TIP 11

Notice how you feel

Giving thanks lifts your mood too. Smile.

TRY THIS
Notice.
Photo for the tip: Script: simple
TIP 12

Script: simple

I am so grateful to have you in my life. Say it warmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.
Photo for the tip: Script: noticing
TIP 13

Script: noticing

You always make me smile, thank you for that. Say it brightly.

TRY THIS
Use it.
Photo for the tip: Script: specific
TIP 14

Script: specific

I loved how you helped me last week, it meant a lot. Say it sincerely.

TRY THIS
Use it.
Photo for the tip: Script: no reply
TIP 15

Script: no reply

No need to reply, I just wanted you to know. Say it gently.

TRY THIS
Use it.
Photo for the tip: Script: closing
TIP 16

Script: closing

Thanks for being you. Say it softly.

TRY THIS
Use it.
Photo for the tip: Mistake: saying thanks only after favours
TIP 17

Mistake: saying thanks only after favours

Thanks for no reason is the special kind, so also send it freely.

TRY THIS
Send often.
Photo for the tip: Mistake: sending the same text to all
TIP 18

Mistake: sending the same text to all

Personal details matter, so change a word or two.

TRY THIS
Personalise.
Photo for the tip: Mistake: asking for something in the same message
TIP 19

Mistake: asking for something in the same message

A favour spoils the gift, so keep it pure.

TRY THIS
Keep it kind.
Photo for the tip: Mistake: overdoing flowery language
TIP 20

Mistake: overdoing flowery language

Plain sincere words feel best, so be simple.

TRY THIS
Be simple.
Photo for the tip: Troubleshoot: when you feel awkward
TIP 21

Troubleshoot: when you feel awkward

Write it down and send it quickly. Awkwardness passes.

TRY THIS
Send fast.
Photo for the tip: Troubleshoot: when they brush it off
TIP 22

Troubleshoot: when they brush it off

Smile. Gratitude stays in their heart anyway.

TRY THIS
Stay warm.
Photo for the tip: Troubleshoot: when you run out of ideas
TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when you run out of ideas

Look at your week. Who helped or smiled? Thank them.

TRY THIS
Think back.
Photo for the tip: Troubleshoot: when culture limits expression
TIP 24

Troubleshoot: when culture limits expression

Use actions, small gifts or warm tone. Respect style.

TRY THIS
Adapt.
Photo for the tip: Troubleshoot: when you worry it sounds fake
TIP 25

Troubleshoot: when you worry it sounds fake

Say only what you mean. True thanks never sounds fake.

TRY THIS
Be real.
Photo for the tip: Drill: three thanks today
TIP 26

Drill: three thanks today

Send three thank-you messages today for no reason. Notice smiles.

TRY THIS
Do it.
Photo for the tip: Drill: gratitude list
TIP 27

Drill: gratitude list

List five friends and one thing you appreciate in each. Send one.

TRY THIS
List.
Photo for the tip: Drill: write a card
TIP 28

Drill: write a card

Write one thank-you card this week and post it. Enjoy.

TRY THIS
Write.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

THANK

“I am grateful to have you.”

NOTICE

“You always make me smile.”

SPECIFIC

“I loved how you helped me last week.”

VALUE

“You mean a lot to me.”

RETURN

“Thanks for being you.”

CLOSE

“No reply needed.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Notice kindness
DAY 2
Pick a friend
DAY 3
Write a line
DAY 4
Be specific
DAY 5
Send it
DAY 6
Do it weekly
DAY 7
Enjoy it

Further reading

  • The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz)
  • Friends (Robin Dunbar)
  • Platonic (Marisa Franco)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

← All How to Maintain Friendships lessons
Next lesson: The Annual Trip or Reunion →

More lessons in “How to Maintain Friendships”

Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.

← Previous: The Birthday HabitNext: The Annual Trip or Reunion →

  1. Why Good Friendships Fade Without a Fight
  2. Time, Distance and Busy Seasons
  3. Life Stages and Friend Drift
  4. The Silence Spiral
  5. Why It Is Never Too Late to Reconnect
  6. Friendship Needs Maintenance Like Anything Else
  7. What Long Friendships Have in Common
  8. The Five-Minute Check-In
  9. Share Something That Made You Think of Them
  10. React to Their Posts Meaningfully
  11. Send a Voice Note on Your Walk
  12. Keep a Standing Weekly Call
  13. The Birthday Habit
  14. Gratitude Messages for No Reason
  15. The Annual Trip or Reunion
  16. Monthly Dinner or Game Night
  17. Holiday Traditions With Friends
  18. Book Clubs and Shared Projects
  19. Walk-and-Talk Dates
  20. Create a Friend Group Chat Worth Keeping
  21. Celebrate Milestones Together
  22. Make Time Zones Work
  23. Video Calls With Purpose
  24. Watch, Play or Cook Together Online
  25. Send Letters, Cards and Surprises
  26. Plan Visits Well in Advance
  27. Make Every Reunion Count
  28. Keep the Daily Life Connection
  29. Reach Out After a Long Silence
  30. Apologise Sincerely and Simply
  31. Forgive Without Forgetting Yourself
  32. Resolve a Misunderstanding
  33. Rebuild After a Disagreement
  34. Make Peace With Friends Who Have Changed
  35. Nurture a Circle, Not Just a Few People
  36. Make New Friends at Every Age
  37. Be a Friend to Older and Younger People
  38. Leave Room for Change
  39. Let Go Kindly When You Must
  40. Your Lifelong Friendship Plan
Scroll to Top