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Making Friends / How to Approach Someone / Lesson 24
LESSON 24 · HOW TO APPROACH SOMEONE

Give a Genuine Compliment

Ten ways to give a genuine compliment that starts a conversation instead of a pause.

A real compliment is a warm door-opener. A fake one is a closed door.

26 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan
Start with tip 1
Jump to the 7-day plan

26 tips that really help

These ideas come from How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie), The Like Switch (Jack Schafer), The Charisma Myth (Olivia Fox Cabane), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

Photo for the tip: A compliment is a tiny gift
TIP 1

A compliment is a tiny gift

When it is real and specific, a compliment brightens someone’s day and opens a conversation at the same time. It is one of the kindest openers there is.

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Give one sincere compliment today.
Photo for the tip: Look for something truly admirable
TIP 2

Look for something truly admirable

Effort, style, kindness or skill all qualify. If you cannot find something honestly, say nothing rather than something false.

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Find one real thing.
Photo for the tip: Be specific
TIP 3

Be specific

I love how you explained that is richer than great job. Specifics prove you paid attention.

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Add a detail.
Photo for the tip: Compliment choices
TIP 4

Compliment choices

You chose a lovely colour is safer and warmer than comments on bodies. Praise what people decided.

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Praise a choice.
Photo for the tip: Compliment effort
TIP 5

Compliment effort

I can tell you worked hard on that. Effort is something people control and value.

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Praise effort.
Photo for the tip: Script: the question compliment
TIP 6

Script: the question compliment

I love your bag, where did you find it? Turns praise into a chat.

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Use it.
Photo for the tip: Script: the skill compliment
TIP 7

Script: the skill compliment

You explain things so clearly. Skill praise is memorable.

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Use it.
Photo for the tip: Script: the character compliment
TIP 8

Script: the character compliment

You are always so kind to everyone. Character praise touches deeply.

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Use it.
Photo for the tip: Script: the taste compliment
TIP 9

Script: the taste compliment

You have great taste in music, who is this? Starts a chat.

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Use it.
Photo for the tip: Mistake: comparing
TIP 10

Mistake: comparing

Do not say you are better than X. Praise them on their own terms.

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Avoid comparison.
Photo for the tip: Mistake: flattery with strings
TIP 11

Mistake: flattery with strings

Praise followed by a request feels manipulative. Give freely.

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Keep it clean.
Photo for the tip: Mistake: commenting on bodies
TIP 12

Mistake: commenting on bodies

It can feel intrusive. Stay with choices and actions.

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Choose carefully.
Photo for the tip: Troubleshoot: when they brush it off
TIP 13

Troubleshoot: when they brush it off

Say I mean it, and smile. Let it land.

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Repeat once.
Photo for the tip: Troubleshoot: when it feels awkward
TIP 14

Troubleshoot: when it feels awkward

Keep it short and move on. One sentence is plenty.

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Do not over-explain.
Photo for the tip: Troubleshoot: when they look suspicious
TIP 15

Troubleshoot: when they look suspicious

Be genuine and keep an easy tone. Sincerity shows.

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Smile.
Photo for the tip: Drill: compliment a stranger
TIP 16

Drill: compliment a stranger

A scarf or a dog works. Low stakes.

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Try.
Photo for the tip: Drill: compliment a colleague
TIP 17

Drill: compliment a colleague

Specific and kind. Say it in person.

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Do it.
Photo for the tip: Notice what people are proud of
TIP 18

Notice what people are proud of

Awards, photos and hobbies hint at pride. Compliment those.

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Look.
Photo for the tip: Say it in the moment
TIP 19

Say it in the moment

Praise soon after feels natural. Do not wait.

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Speak up.
Photo for the tip: Say it face to face
TIP 20

Say it face to face

In-person praise feels warmer. Use eye contact.

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Do it.
Photo for the tip: Write it too
TIP 21

Write it too

A kind note can be treasured. Send one.

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Write.
Photo for the tip: Pass praise on
TIP 22

Pass praise on

Tell someone else how good a friend is. It spreads.

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Do it.
Photo for the tip: Accept compliments yourself
TIP 23

Accept compliments yourself

Practise saying thank you. It models grace.

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Say it.
Photo for the tip: Be consistent
TIP 24

Be consistent

Habitual kindness builds a warm reputation. Keep it up.

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Daily.
Photo for the tip: Notice the effect
TIP 25

Notice the effect

Watch how people light up. It reinforces you.

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Observe.
Photo for the tip: Celebrate
TIP 26

Celebrate

Each compliment is a gift. Say well done.

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Treat.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

COMPLIMENT

“I love your bag, where did you find it?”

SKILL

“You explained that so clearly.”

STYLE

“That colour looks great on you.”

EFFORT

“You clearly put a lot of work into this.”

THANKS

“Thank you for sharing that.”

FOLLOW

“How did you get started?”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Notice one thing you like in someone
DAY 2
Say it kindly
DAY 3
Make it specific
DAY 4
Add a question
DAY 5
Accept their thanks
DAY 6
Listen to the story
DAY 7
Repeat

Further reading

  • How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)
  • The Like Switch (Jack Schafer)
  • The Charisma Myth (Olivia Fox Cabane)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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Next lesson: Ask for a Small Favour →

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.

More lessons in “How to Approach Someone”

Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.

← Previous: Ask for a Small OpinionNext: Ask for a Small Favour →

  1. What You Are Really Afraid Of
  2. Most People Are Glad You Spoke First
  3. The Spotlight Effect at Parties
  4. A Rejection Is Rarely What You Imagine
  5. Why Waiting Makes It Harder
  6. Reframe Approaching as Being Kind
  7. The Worst Realistic Outcome Is Small
  8. Spot Open and Closed Signals
  9. The Right Moment to Say Hello
  10. Approach Alone, Pairs and Groups Differently
  11. What to Do When They Look Busy
  12. Wait for the Natural Pause
  13. Notice Who Is Standing Alone
  14. Be Respectful if It Is Not the Time
  15. Smile Before You Speak
  16. Walk Over at an Angle, Not Straight On
  17. Keep Open and Relaxed Posture
  18. The Friendly Introduction Handshake
  19. Eye Contact That Feels Warm
  20. Say Your Name With a Smile
  21. Do Not Hover: Commit to Hello
  22. Comment on the Shared Situation
  23. Ask for a Small Opinion
  24. Give a Genuine Compliment
  25. Ask for a Small Favour
  26. Introduce Yourself Simply
  27. The Question That Starts Any Chat
  28. Use Humour Lightly
  29. Approach at a Party
  30. Approach at Work
  31. Approach in Class
  32. Approach at the Gym
  33. Approach Online First
  34. Approach a Neighbour
  35. Keep the Chat Going for One More Minute
  36. Exit Gracefully if It Is Not Clicking
  37. Suggest Meeting Again Casually
  38. Handle a Cool Reception Without Hurt
  39. Reflect and Learn After Each Approach
  40. Practise Approaching Every Week
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