Ask for a Small Favour
Ten ways to ask for a small favour, a surprisingly effective way to start a friendship.
People like those they have helped. This is known as the Ben Franklin effect.
25 tips that really help
These ideas come from How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie), The Like Switch (Jack Schafer), The Charisma Myth (Olivia Fox Cabane), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
People like those they have helped
Psychologists call it the Ben Franklin effect: asking for a small favour tends to make the helper like you more. A tiny request can build a bond.
Ask for one tiny favour this week.
Keep the favour tiny
The time, a pen, a recommendation or watching your seat are small and easy to grant. Big asks can burden.
Choose a tiny favour.
Be polite and light
Would you mind…? is warm and gives them an easy way to say no. Politeness is the key.
Use gentle wording.
Say thanks warmly
Sincere thanks makes people glad they helped. Use their name and a smile.
Say it well.
Script: the time
Excuse me, do you have the time? A tiny favour that starts a chat.
Try it.
Script: the seat
Would you mind keeping an eye on my seat for a minute? Friendly and easy.
Use it.
Script: the photo
Would you mind taking a photo of us? A classic, and people love helping.
Ask.
Script: the recommendation
Could you recommend a good book? A favour that flatters.
Ask.
Script: the return
Let me know if I can help you with anything. Reciprocity.
Offer.
Mistake: asking for too much
Large requests from strangers feel like impositions. Keep it small.
Scale down.
Mistake: not thanking
Forgetting to say thanks wastes the bond. Thank warmly.
Say thanks.
Mistake: demanding
Asking in a tone that expects a yes feels rude. Be gentle.
Soften.
Troubleshoot: when they say no
Say that is fine, thank you anyway. Stay warm.
Smile.
Troubleshoot: when you feel embarrassed to ask
Remember most people like to help. Ask lightly.
Breathe.
Troubleshoot: when someone asks too much of you
Say I can do this but not that. Kind limits are healthy.
Practise.
Drill: return a favour
Offer something small to someone who helped you. Balance.
Do it.
Drill: say thanks with a reason
Thank you, that saved me ten minutes. Specific.
Try.
Ask a neighbour
To borrow a tool or a cup of sugar. Classic.
Ask.
Ask a colleague
For a pen or advice on a small task. Easy.
Ask.
Ask a classmate
For notes or a spare charger. Easy.
Ask.
Offer first
Sometimes offering a small favour first opens the door. Try it.
Offer.
Follow up
Tell them how it went. It builds a thread.
Update.
Be gracious
Accept thanks with ease. It models kindness.
Say you are welcome.
Notice the result
Watch the mood change. It is a pleasure.
Observe.
Celebrate small bonds
Mark each new link. Say well done.
Treat.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“Could you tell me where the bathroom is?”
“Would you mind watching my seat for a minute?”
“Could you take a photo of us?”
“Could you recommend a good book?”
“Thank you so much, that really helped.”
“Let me know if I can help you with anything.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Think of three tiny favours
Ask one of a neighbour
Say thank you warmly
Offer a return favour
Mention how it helped
Note how you both felt
Repeat
Further reading
- How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)
- The Like Switch (Jack Schafer)
- The Charisma Myth (Olivia Fox Cabane)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “How to Approach Someone”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Give a Genuine ComplimentNext: Introduce Yourself Simply →
- What You Are Really Afraid Of
- Most People Are Glad You Spoke First
- The Spotlight Effect at Parties
- A Rejection Is Rarely What You Imagine
- Why Waiting Makes It Harder
- Reframe Approaching as Being Kind
- The Worst Realistic Outcome Is Small
- Spot Open and Closed Signals
- The Right Moment to Say Hello
- Approach Alone, Pairs and Groups Differently
- What to Do When They Look Busy
- Wait for the Natural Pause
- Notice Who Is Standing Alone
- Be Respectful if It Is Not the Time
- Smile Before You Speak
- Walk Over at an Angle, Not Straight On
- Keep Open and Relaxed Posture
- The Friendly Introduction Handshake
- Eye Contact That Feels Warm
- Say Your Name With a Smile
- Do Not Hover: Commit to Hello
- Comment on the Shared Situation
- Ask for a Small Opinion
- Give a Genuine Compliment
- Ask for a Small Favour
- Introduce Yourself Simply
- The Question That Starts Any Chat
- Use Humour Lightly
- Approach at a Party
- Approach at Work
- Approach in Class
- Approach at the Gym
- Approach Online First
- Approach a Neighbour
- Keep the Chat Going for One More Minute
- Exit Gracefully if It Is Not Clicking
- Suggest Meeting Again Casually
- Handle a Cool Reception Without Hurt
- Reflect and Learn After Each Approach
- Practise Approaching Every Week
