The Worst Realistic Outcome Is Small
Ten ways to see that the worst realistic outcome of approaching someone is small, and survivable.
Ask what is the worst that could happen. Then ask how bad it really is.
31 tips that really help
These ideas come from How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie), The Like Switch (Jack Schafer), The Charisma Myth (Olivia Fox Cabane), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Be realistic
Worst case thinking often goes to extremes. The real worst case is a brief awkward moment.
Write the realistic worst case.
Rate it
A number from one to ten shows how mild it is.
Score it.
Plan the exit
Knowing you can say thanks and move on makes it feel safe.
Prepare an exit line.
Think of a friend’s view
Ask what a friend would say about the risk.
Ask someone.
Remember recovery
Awkward moments fade quickly, and you recover.
Recall a past one.
Try a small version first
Start with a low-risk hello.
Choose a simple target.
Notice the gap
Compare the feared outcome and what happened.
Write both.
Collect evidence
Each try is proof that you can cope.
Add to your log.
Be proud
Facing small fears builds courage.
Say well done.
Keep going
The more you try, the smaller the fear.
Plan another approach.
Ask what is the worst that could realistically happen
Realistic worst cases are mild: a short reply, an awkward moment, a quick recovery. Writing them down shows how small they are.
Write your realistic worst case.
Script: a recovery line
Well, that was awkward, wasn’t it? with a smile. It turns a slip into a shared moment.
Prepare one.
Script: a graceful exit
Lovely to meet you, enjoy your evening. It ends any chat well.
Practise.
Script: a calm self-talk line
I can handle this, whatever happens. Say it quietly.
Use it.
Mistake: catastrophising
Imagining a disaster is a habit, not a forecast. Ask for evidence.
Write what you actually know.
Mistake: ignoring the benefits
The worst case has a counterpart, the best case. A new friend is a real possibility.
Write the best case too.
Mistake: not planning for the worst
Having a recovery plan makes the worst feel survivable. Prepare one.
Write your plan.
Troubleshoot: when your mind jumps to disaster
Pause and breathe. Ask what is the most likely outcome?
Answer it.
Troubleshoot: when you imagine laughing crowds
Remember that people rarely laugh at kindness. Replace the picture.
Picture friendly faces.
Troubleshoot: when you feel frozen
Take one small step. Action reduces fear.
Move.
Drill: rate your worst case from one to ten
Most people give it a three or four after writing it down. See where yours falls.
Score it.
Drill: list past recoveries
Times you recovered from awkward moments prove you can cope. List three.
Write them.
Drill: test it with a tiny risk
Do something slightly scary, such as asking a stranger for the time. See the result.
Try one.
Think of a friend’s view
What would a friend say about your fear? Probably something kind.
Ask one.
Notice how quickly feelings pass
A moment of embarrassment fades in minutes. Time is on your side.
Note the time.
Plan the recovery in advance
Decide what you will do if it goes badly, such as get a drink and chat to someone else. A plan helps.
Write it.
Use humour
If it goes badly, smile. Humour heals.
Smile.
Ask what you would say to a friend
Your advice to a friend is kinder than your own thoughts. Use it.
Say it.
Remember the cost of not trying
Avoiding people has a cost. Weigh it.
Write the cost.
Collect evidence
Each time the worst did not happen, tick a box. The evidence builds.
Start a tally.
Share with a supportive person
Telling someone lightens the load. Choose a kind listener.
Message one.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“What is the worst that could realistically happen?”
“If it does not go well, I will say thanks and move on.”
“I can handle a short awkward moment.”
“I tried, and it was okay.”
“It is fine either way.”
“Have a great day.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Write the worst realistic outcome
Rate how bad it is from one to ten
Write how you would cope
Approach one person
Compare with the result
Note what you learned
Plan the next one
Further reading
- How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)
- The Like Switch (Jack Schafer)
- The Charisma Myth (Olivia Fox Cabane)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “How to Approach Someone”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Reframe Approaching as Being KindNext: Spot Open and Closed Signals →
- What You Are Really Afraid Of
- Most People Are Glad You Spoke First
- The Spotlight Effect at Parties
- A Rejection Is Rarely What You Imagine
- Why Waiting Makes It Harder
- Reframe Approaching as Being Kind
- The Worst Realistic Outcome Is Small
- Spot Open and Closed Signals
- The Right Moment to Say Hello
- Approach Alone, Pairs and Groups Differently
- What to Do When They Look Busy
- Wait for the Natural Pause
- Notice Who Is Standing Alone
- Be Respectful if It Is Not the Time
- Smile Before You Speak
- Walk Over at an Angle, Not Straight On
- Keep Open and Relaxed Posture
- The Friendly Introduction Handshake
- Eye Contact That Feels Warm
- Say Your Name With a Smile
- Do Not Hover: Commit to Hello
- Comment on the Shared Situation
- Ask for a Small Opinion
- Give a Genuine Compliment
- Ask for a Small Favour
- Introduce Yourself Simply
- The Question That Starts Any Chat
- Use Humour Lightly
- Approach at a Party
- Approach at Work
- Approach in Class
- Approach at the Gym
- Approach Online First
- Approach a Neighbour
- Keep the Chat Going for One More Minute
- Exit Gracefully if It Is Not Clicking
- Suggest Meeting Again Casually
- Handle a Cool Reception Without Hurt
- Reflect and Learn After Each Approach
- Practise Approaching Every Week
