Do Not Hover: Commit to Hello
Thirty easy ways to commit to hello and stop hovering, so you move from wanting to talk to talking.
Say hello now. Hovering helps nobody.
29 tips that really help
These ideas come from How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie), The Like Switch (Jack Schafer), The Charisma Myth (Olivia Fox Cabane), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Why hovering hurts
Waiting nearby makes you tense and can look odd. A quick hello ends the worry and feels friendlier.
Commit.
Decide in advance
Choose before you walk over that you will say hello. A decision cuts doubt.
Decide.
Use a three-second rule
Count three, two, one and move. Fast action beats long thinking.
Count down.
Pick a safe moment
Choose when they are not rushed or on a call. Good timing helps.
Check timing.
Walk over calmly
Slow steps and relaxed shoulders. Calm looks confident.
Walk over.
Make a soft eye contact first
Glance and smile before you speak. It signals friendliness.
Glance.
Say a simple hello
Hi, I am glad to meet you works fine. No clever line needed.
Say hi.
Add your name
Say your name and ask theirs. Easy and friendly.
Share names.
Ask one easy question
How is your day going? Simple questions start chats.
Ask one.
Do not wait for a perfect moment
Perfect moments are rare. A good enough moment is enough.
Go now.
Accept a few awkward seconds
The first seconds are the hardest. They pass quickly.
Accept them.
Reward yourself
Celebrate after you speak, however it goes. Courage counts.
Reward it.
Script: deciding
I will say hello now. Say it to yourself firmly.
Use it.
Script: hello
Hi, I am glad to meet you. Say it with a smile.
Use it.
Script: name
I am Sam, and you are? Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: asking
How is your day going so far? Say it lightly.
Use it.
Script: closing
It was great to say hello. Say it gladly.
Use it.
Mistake: circling around
Circling looks odd, so walk straight over.
Go straight.
Mistake: rehearsing too long
Long rehearsal feeds fear, so keep it short.
Keep short.
Mistake: apologising for talking
Sorry weakens you, so just say hello.
Skip sorry.
Mistake: judging the start
Starts are always awkward, so be patient.
Be patient.
Troubleshoot: when you freeze
Breathe out slowly and say just hi. One word is enough.
Say hi.
Troubleshoot: when they look busy
Say, I will say a quick hello and let you go. Respectful.
Be quick.
Troubleshoot: when they ignore you
They may not have heard, so smile and try once more or move on.
Try once.
Troubleshoot: when your mind goes blank
Ask about the place or event. Easy topics help.
Ask about it.
Troubleshoot: when you retreat
Forgive yourself and try again later today. No shame.
Try again.
Drill: three hellos today
Say hello to three people today. Count them.
Try it.
Drill: count-down practice
Use the three-second rule once today. Move on time.
Practise.
Drill: write your hello
Write your favourite hello line and say it five times. Ready.
Write it.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“I will say hello now.”
“I walk over calmly.”
“Hi, I am glad to meet you.”
“I smile and look up.”
“How is your day going?”
“That was easy.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Pick a person
Count down
Walk over
Say hello
Ask a question
Listen
Notice
Further reading
- How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)
- The Like Switch (Jack Schafer)
- The Charisma Myth (Olivia Fox Cabane)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “How to Approach Someone”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Say Your Name With a SmileNext: Comment on the Shared Situation →
- What You Are Really Afraid Of
- Most People Are Glad You Spoke First
- The Spotlight Effect at Parties
- A Rejection Is Rarely What You Imagine
- Why Waiting Makes It Harder
- Reframe Approaching as Being Kind
- The Worst Realistic Outcome Is Small
- Spot Open and Closed Signals
- The Right Moment to Say Hello
- Approach Alone, Pairs and Groups Differently
- What to Do When They Look Busy
- Wait for the Natural Pause
- Notice Who Is Standing Alone
- Be Respectful if It Is Not the Time
- Smile Before You Speak
- Walk Over at an Angle, Not Straight On
- Keep Open and Relaxed Posture
- The Friendly Introduction Handshake
- Eye Contact That Feels Warm
- Say Your Name With a Smile
- Do Not Hover: Commit to Hello
- Comment on the Shared Situation
- Ask for a Small Opinion
- Give a Genuine Compliment
- Ask for a Small Favour
- Introduce Yourself Simply
- The Question That Starts Any Chat
- Use Humour Lightly
- Approach at a Party
- Approach at Work
- Approach in Class
- Approach at the Gym
- Approach Online First
- Approach a Neighbour
- Keep the Chat Going for One More Minute
- Exit Gracefully if It Is Not Clicking
- Suggest Meeting Again Casually
- Handle a Cool Reception Without Hurt
- Reflect and Learn After Each Approach
- Practise Approaching Every Week
