Smile Before You Speak
Ten reasons to smile before you speak, and how that tiny habit changes the first ten seconds.
A smile arrives before your words do. It tells the other person you are safe to talk to.
25 tips that really help
These ideas come from How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie), The Like Switch (Jack Schafer), The Charisma Myth (Olivia Fox Cabane), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
A smile arrives before you do
People read your face from across a room and decide whether you feel safe. A relaxed smile answers that question before you say a word.
Practise smiling before you speak.
Smiles are contagious
Seeing a smile triggers a small smile in many people, which lifts both moods. It is the cheapest kindness there is.
Count how many smile back today.
A real smile uses the eyes
A genuine smile crinkles the corners of the eyes. Thinking of something kind makes your face match your warmth.
Recall a nice memory and smile.
Start smiling as you walk over
Starting your smile five steps away calms your nerves and prepares the other person. It makes the approach feel friendly.
Smile early.
Script: smile and hello
A smile followed by Hi there, I am Sam is a complete opener. You need nothing else.
Use it.
Script: a smile with a compliment
Smile and say I love your scarf. Warm, easy and sincere.
Try it.
Script: a smile on the phone
Smile before you say hello on a call. People can hear the warmth in your voice.
Do it.
Script: a smile at goodbyes
Finish with a smile and take care. It leaves a good last image.
End warmly.
Mistake: a frozen smile
A tight, held smile looks nervous. Let it come and go naturally as you talk.
Relax your face.
Mistake: smiling too widely
An exaggerated grin can look forced. Aim for gentle and genuine.
Soften it.
Mistake: not smiling at all
A blank face makes people unsure how to read you. Allow a gentle smile.
Smile slightly.
Troubleshoot: when you do not feel like smiling
Think of something that warms you, such as a pet, and let a half smile appear. Even that helps.
Recall a joy.
Troubleshoot: when no one smiles back
Some people are shy or lost in thought. Try again with someone else.
Keep going.
Troubleshoot: when your face feels stiff
Do a gentle facial stretch, breathe and relax your jaw. Then try again.
Stretch.
Drill: smile at three people a day
Count them. It builds the habit and lifts your mood.
Start today.
Drill: smile in the mirror
Practise a soft smile and see what looks natural to you. Find your own warm version.
Try it.
Drill: smile at yourself each morning
A smile in the mirror lifts mood for the day. It feels odd at first and then lovely.
Do it tomorrow.
Drill: smile on a walk
Smile at passers-by and notice who returns it. Many will.
Try it.
Notice how it feels
Smiling often lifts your own mood. Notice the change and enjoy it.
Rate your mood.
Smile with your voice
When speaking, smile to sound warmer. Try it on a phone call.
Test it.
Smile when listening
A small smile shows interest and encourages speakers. Keep it gentle.
Smile gently.
Smile at staff
Cashiers and drivers appreciate it. It brightens their day and yours.
Do it.
Smile at neighbours
Daily smiles build community and trust. Do it for a week.
Greet daily.
Teach a friend
Share the idea of smiling first. Kindness spreads.
Tell one friend.
Reflect on who smiled back
Watch the pattern and what it teaches you.
Write it down.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“Hi there, I am Sam.”
“It is lovely to meet you.”
“You have a great smile, by the way.”
“How is your day going so far?”
“Thanks for saying hello back.”
“It was good talking with you.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Smile at yourself in the mirror
Smile at three people today
Smile before the first word
Let the smile reach your eyes
Notice who smiles back
Keep a tally
Repeat tomorrow
Further reading
- How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)
- The Like Switch (Jack Schafer)
- The Charisma Myth (Olivia Fox Cabane)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
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Start freeThese lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.
More lessons in “How to Approach Someone”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Be Respectful if It Is Not the TimeNext: Walk Over at an Angle, Not Straight On →
- What You Are Really Afraid Of
- Most People Are Glad You Spoke First
- The Spotlight Effect at Parties
- A Rejection Is Rarely What You Imagine
- Why Waiting Makes It Harder
- Reframe Approaching as Being Kind
- The Worst Realistic Outcome Is Small
- Spot Open and Closed Signals
- The Right Moment to Say Hello
- Approach Alone, Pairs and Groups Differently
- What to Do When They Look Busy
- Wait for the Natural Pause
- Notice Who Is Standing Alone
- Be Respectful if It Is Not the Time
- Smile Before You Speak
- Walk Over at an Angle, Not Straight On
- Keep Open and Relaxed Posture
- The Friendly Introduction Handshake
- Eye Contact That Feels Warm
- Say Your Name With a Smile
- Do Not Hover: Commit to Hello
- Comment on the Shared Situation
- Ask for a Small Opinion
- Give a Genuine Compliment
- Ask for a Small Favour
- Introduce Yourself Simply
- The Question That Starts Any Chat
- Use Humour Lightly
- Approach at a Party
- Approach at Work
- Approach in Class
- Approach at the Gym
- Approach Online First
- Approach a Neighbour
- Keep the Chat Going for One More Minute
- Exit Gracefully if It Is Not Clicking
- Suggest Meeting Again Casually
- Handle a Cool Reception Without Hurt
- Reflect and Learn After Each Approach
- Practise Approaching Every Week
