Use Humour Lightly
Thirty easy ways to use humour lightly, so you ease the mood without trying too hard.
Light and kind. Smile with them.
30 tips that really help
These ideas come from How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie), The Like Switch (Jack Schafer), The Charisma Myth (Olivia Fox Cabane), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Why humour helps
A shared smile relaxes everyone. Light humour tells people you are easy to be around.
Smile.
Keep it kind
Joke about the situation, not people. Kindness first.
Be kind.
Notice the setting
Funny things sit around us such as long queues. Comment lightly.
Look around.
Tease yourself gently
A small joke about your own slip feels warm. Keep it gentle.
Joke lightly.
Use simple jokes
Easy jokes beat clever ones. Choose short and clear jokes that anyone can follow, because simple humour always works better than clever.
Keep simple.
Read the mood
If the mood is sad or serious, hold back. Timing matters.
Check mood.
Smile as you speak
A smile shows you mean it kindly. Warm.
Smile.
Laugh at their jokes
Laugh at their jokes when they are funny, because shared laughter bonds and shows you enjoy them.
Laugh.
Use a playful tone
Use a light and playful voice without shouting, because gentle energy makes people feel comfortable.
Play.
Share a funny story
A short true story works well. Keep it under a minute.
Tell one.
Pause after a joke
Give a second for it to land. Do not rush.
Pause.
Move on if it falls flat
If a joke falls flat, smile and carry on, because nobody minds as much as you imagine.
Move on.
Script: setting
That coffee queue is epic, is it always like this? Say it lightly.
Use it.
Script: self
I am terrible with names, so bear with me. Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: playful
I will pretend I know this dance. Say it with a grin.
Use it.
Script: sharing
Have you ever done something like that? Say it easily.
Use it.
Script: closing
That was fun, thanks for the laugh. Say it gladly.
Use it.
Mistake: joking at someone else’s expense
Jokes at someone else’s expense hurt, so joke gently about yourself and the situation instead.
Be kind.
Mistake: using sarcasm too early
It can sound mean, so stay warm.
Stay warm.
Mistake: telling long jokes
Long jokes tend to drag and lose people, so keep every joke short and easy to enjoy.
Keep short.
Mistake: forcing humour
Forced jokes feel awkward, so be natural.
Be natural.
Mistake: joking about sensitive topics
Jokes about sensitive topics can offend, so avoid them until you know the person very well.
Avoid them.
Troubleshoot: when the joke bombs
If a joke bombs, smile and say, well, I tried, then move on easily with the chat.
Laugh it off.
Troubleshoot: when you are not funny
If you are not funny, be warm instead, because kindness and a smile beat clever jokes every time.
Be warm.
Troubleshoot: when someone is offended
If someone is offended, apologise simply and sincerely, because a kind repair keeps trust alive.
Apologise.
Troubleshoot: when you feel nervous
Start with a smile and one light remark. Small.
Start small.
Troubleshoot: when humour feels risky
Use light observations about the setting. Safe.
Stay safe.
Drill: one light remark
Make one friendly remark today. Notice reactions.
Try it.
Drill: collect three safe jokes
Write three light, kind lines. Keep them.
Write them.
Drill: notice humour
Watch how kind people use humour. Learn.
Observe.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“That coffee queue is epic.”
“I am terrible at names.”
“This place is full of plants.”
“I will pretend I know the dance.”
“Have you ever done that?”
“That was fun.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Smile
Notice the setting
Make a light remark
Laugh gently
Ask a question
Share a story
Stay kind
Further reading
- How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)
- The Like Switch (Jack Schafer)
- The Charisma Myth (Olivia Fox Cabane)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
Keep your place and keep growing
Create a free account to save your progress and pick up the next lesson where you stopped. No card needed.
Start freeThese lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.
More lessons in “How to Approach Someone”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: The Question That Starts Any ChatNext: Approach at a Party →
- What You Are Really Afraid Of
- Most People Are Glad You Spoke First
- The Spotlight Effect at Parties
- A Rejection Is Rarely What You Imagine
- Why Waiting Makes It Harder
- Reframe Approaching as Being Kind
- The Worst Realistic Outcome Is Small
- Spot Open and Closed Signals
- The Right Moment to Say Hello
- Approach Alone, Pairs and Groups Differently
- What to Do When They Look Busy
- Wait for the Natural Pause
- Notice Who Is Standing Alone
- Be Respectful if It Is Not the Time
- Smile Before You Speak
- Walk Over at an Angle, Not Straight On
- Keep Open and Relaxed Posture
- The Friendly Introduction Handshake
- Eye Contact That Feels Warm
- Say Your Name With a Smile
- Do Not Hover: Commit to Hello
- Comment on the Shared Situation
- Ask for a Small Opinion
- Give a Genuine Compliment
- Ask for a Small Favour
- Introduce Yourself Simply
- The Question That Starts Any Chat
- Use Humour Lightly
- Approach at a Party
- Approach at Work
- Approach in Class
- Approach at the Gym
- Approach Online First
- Approach a Neighbour
- Keep the Chat Going for One More Minute
- Exit Gracefully if It Is Not Clicking
- Suggest Meeting Again Casually
- Handle a Cool Reception Without Hurt
- Reflect and Learn After Each Approach
- Practise Approaching Every Week
