Comment on the Shared Situation
Ten ways to comment on the shared situation, the easiest opener there is.
You and the other person are both in the same moment. That is all the common ground you need.
25 tips that really help
These ideas come from How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie), The Like Switch (Jack Schafer), The Charisma Myth (Olivia Fox Cabane), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
The shared situation is a ready-made topic
You and the other person are both in the same place at the same moment. That gives you endless safe things to mention.
Notice three things you share with the next stranger.
Comment on what you both can see
The music, the view, the queue and the weather are safe and friendly. They require no courage and no preparation.
Pick one now.
Keep it positive
This place has such a nice atmosphere invites warmth. Complaints can sour the mood.
Choose a positive comment.
Follow with a question
After the comment, ask have you been here before? It draws the other person in.
Pair them.
Script: the queue
This line is moving faster than I expected, isn’t it? Light and friendly.
Use it.
Script: the weather
Can you believe this rain? Safe. Follow with a question.
Use it.
Script: the venue
This is a lovely room, do you know the place? Warm.
Use it.
Script: the event
What did you think of the talk? Curious.
Use it.
Script: the food
That smells amazing, do you know what it is? Easy.
Use it.
Mistake: heavy topics
Politics or gloom in the first minute scare people. Keep light.
Stay light.
Mistake: comment without listening
If you comment and ignore the reply, it feels hollow. Listen.
Listen.
Mistake: commenting only on appearance
Keep it about the environment or shared events. Safer.
Choose the setting.
Troubleshoot: when the reply is short
Add a second light comment, then move on if needed. Try once.
Add one.
Troubleshoot: when there is nothing to comment on
Look for sounds, colours and smells. Something is always there.
Scan.
Troubleshoot: when you feel silly
A comment on the situation is never silly. Say it.
Speak.
Drill: use your senses
Name what you see, hear and smell. It generates comments.
Try.
Use humour
A gentle remark about the queue or a spill helps. Keep it kind.
Try.
Keep it short
One sentence is enough. Let them reply.
Pause.
Match their energy
If they are calm, be calm. Matching builds rapport.
Adjust.
Watch their face
A smile means continue. A neutral face means short.
Observe.
Link to a question
Turn the comment into an invitation. Ask.
Ask.
Share a small fact
After the comment, add a fact about you. Balance.
Share.
Know when to leave
If the chat ends, say nice chatting and move on.
Leave kindly.
Practise daily
Small comments to strangers build ease. Keep it up.
Do one a day.
Celebrate
Each comment is a step. Say well done.
Treat.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“This line is moving slowly today, isn’t it?”
“This place has such a lovely atmosphere.”
“Have you seen the schedule for the afternoon?”
“That smells amazing, do you know what it is?”
“Can you believe this rain?”
“I love this song, do you know who sings it?”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Notice three things around you
Make one comment to a stranger
Add a follow-up question
Listen to the answer
Share a small thought
Exit kindly or continue
Repeat
Further reading
- How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)
- The Like Switch (Jack Schafer)
- The Charisma Myth (Olivia Fox Cabane)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
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Start freeThese lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.
More lessons in “How to Approach Someone”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Do Not Hover: Commit to HelloNext: Ask for a Small Opinion →
- What You Are Really Afraid Of
- Most People Are Glad You Spoke First
- The Spotlight Effect at Parties
- A Rejection Is Rarely What You Imagine
- Why Waiting Makes It Harder
- Reframe Approaching as Being Kind
- The Worst Realistic Outcome Is Small
- Spot Open and Closed Signals
- The Right Moment to Say Hello
- Approach Alone, Pairs and Groups Differently
- What to Do When They Look Busy
- Wait for the Natural Pause
- Notice Who Is Standing Alone
- Be Respectful if It Is Not the Time
- Smile Before You Speak
- Walk Over at an Angle, Not Straight On
- Keep Open and Relaxed Posture
- The Friendly Introduction Handshake
- Eye Contact That Feels Warm
- Say Your Name With a Smile
- Do Not Hover: Commit to Hello
- Comment on the Shared Situation
- Ask for a Small Opinion
- Give a Genuine Compliment
- Ask for a Small Favour
- Introduce Yourself Simply
- The Question That Starts Any Chat
- Use Humour Lightly
- Approach at a Party
- Approach at Work
- Approach in Class
- Approach at the Gym
- Approach Online First
- Approach a Neighbour
- Keep the Chat Going for One More Minute
- Exit Gracefully if It Is Not Clicking
- Suggest Meeting Again Casually
- Handle a Cool Reception Without Hurt
- Reflect and Learn After Each Approach
- Practise Approaching Every Week
