Notice Who Is Standing Alone
Ten ways to notice who is standing alone and make their day with a simple hello.
The person alone often hopes for a hello. You can be the one who gives it.
27 tips that really help
These ideas come from How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie), The Like Switch (Jack Schafer), The Charisma Myth (Olivia Fox Cabane), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Every person alone is a possible friend
People standing alone at events are often hoping someone will talk to them. A warm hello can make their evening and start a friendship.
Look for one person alone at your next event.
Understand why people stand alone
They may be new, shy, waiting for someone or taking a breather. Whatever the reason, a friendly hello is welcome.
Assume goodwill.
Approach with a smile
A smile tells them you are friendly before you speak and makes the first moment warm.
Smile as you approach.
Script: the simple hello
Hi, I am Sam, mind if I join you? Easy to say and easy to accept.
Use it.
Script: the new-here line
Is this your first time here? I am still finding my feet myself. It builds a quick bond.
Use it.
Script: the compliment
I love your jacket, where did you find it? A specific compliment opens an easy chat.
Use it.
Script: inviting them in
Would you like to come and meet some people? I am about to join a group. Generous and easy.
Offer.
Script: a gentle exit
It was lovely to meet you, I hope you enjoy the evening. A kind close leaves a good impression.
Prepare it.
Mistake: pitying them
Treat them as an equal, not someone who needs rescuing. Respect keeps the chat warm.
Stay natural.
Mistake: firing questions
Too many questions feels like an interview. Mix questions with comments.
Balance them.
Mistake: abandoning them quickly
Do not leave them stranded after ten seconds. Offer to introduce them to others.
Stay a while.
Troubleshoot: when they prefer to be alone
Respect that. Say enjoy your evening and move on kindly.
Leave warmly.
Troubleshoot: when they are very shy
Ask easy questions and give them time. A gentle presence works wonders.
Be patient.
Troubleshoot: when you feel awkward
Remember they probably feel the same. Smile and carry on.
Breathe.
Drill: talk to one solo guest per event
Make it your goal and count it. One a month grows into a habit.
Do it.
Drill: practise the greeting aloud
Say it in the mirror until it sounds easy. Rehearsal removes fear.
Say it twice.
Drill: introduce them to someone
Help them join your group. Introducing is an act of kindness.
Introduce.
Notice the signals of loneliness
People who glance around or check their phone often may want company. Gently approach.
Observe.
Keep a friendly distance
Do not crowd them. Stand beside rather than in front.
Stand beside.
Ask about them
Show interest in their story. It warms the chat.
Ask two questions.
Share a little about yourself
Offer a small fact. It builds trust.
Share one.
Invite them into your plans
If it fits, ask them to join your next outing. Be generous.
Offer.
Exchange names
Learn and use their name. It makes the chat personal.
Use it.
Follow up later in the evening
Say hello again before you leave. Familiarity grows.
Greet again.
Remember how it feels to be alone
You have been there. Pass on the kindness.
Recall.
Teach the idea to a friend
Tell a friend about welcoming people alone. It spreads kindness.
Share it.
Notice the warm glow
Kindness feels good. Notice the feeling afterwards.
Write it.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“Hi, mind if I stand with you?”
“I noticed you were on your own, I am Sam.”
“Have you been to one of these before?”
“Would you like to join our group?”
“I am glad we chatted.”
“Enjoy the rest of the night.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Scan for someone alone
Walk over with a smile
Say your name
Ask a light question
Invite them to join others
Notice their reaction
Do it again
Further reading
- How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)
- The Like Switch (Jack Schafer)
- The Charisma Myth (Olivia Fox Cabane)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “How to Approach Someone”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Wait for the Natural PauseNext: Be Respectful if It Is Not the Time →
- What You Are Really Afraid Of
- Most People Are Glad You Spoke First
- The Spotlight Effect at Parties
- A Rejection Is Rarely What You Imagine
- Why Waiting Makes It Harder
- Reframe Approaching as Being Kind
- The Worst Realistic Outcome Is Small
- Spot Open and Closed Signals
- The Right Moment to Say Hello
- Approach Alone, Pairs and Groups Differently
- What to Do When They Look Busy
- Wait for the Natural Pause
- Notice Who Is Standing Alone
- Be Respectful if It Is Not the Time
- Smile Before You Speak
- Walk Over at an Angle, Not Straight On
- Keep Open and Relaxed Posture
- The Friendly Introduction Handshake
- Eye Contact That Feels Warm
- Say Your Name With a Smile
- Do Not Hover: Commit to Hello
- Comment on the Shared Situation
- Ask for a Small Opinion
- Give a Genuine Compliment
- Ask for a Small Favour
- Introduce Yourself Simply
- The Question That Starts Any Chat
- Use Humour Lightly
- Approach at a Party
- Approach at Work
- Approach in Class
- Approach at the Gym
- Approach Online First
- Approach a Neighbour
- Keep the Chat Going for One More Minute
- Exit Gracefully if It Is Not Clicking
- Suggest Meeting Again Casually
- Handle a Cool Reception Without Hurt
- Reflect and Learn After Each Approach
- Practise Approaching Every Week
