Body Language When Giving Bad News
Thirty-two ways to use body language when giving bad news, so you stay steady, kind and clear.
Bad news deserves a calm body. Be kind and be clear.
40 tips that really help
These ideas come from Presence (Amy Cuddy), What Every BODY Is Saying (Joe Navarro), The Definitive Book of Body Language (Allan and Barbara Pease), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Bad news deserves a calm body
When you deliver difficult news, people read your face, voice and posture before they absorb your words. A calm, caring body helps the person feel safe enough to hear what you have to say.
Plan how you will sit and look before a hard conversation.
Choose a private place
A quiet, private setting respects the person. Avoid public or rushed places.
Find privacy.
Sit at an angle
Sitting at a slight angle feels less confrontational than face to face. Leave space.
Sit gently.
Sit at the same level
Sitting or standing at the same level avoids looming. Sit with them.
Match height.
Take a breath
Slow breathing steadies your voice and body.
Breathe out.
Soften your face
A gentle, serious face shows care. Avoid a bright smile.
Soften.
Lower your voice
A slower, softer voice shows respect.
Slow down.
Be clear and kind
State the news plainly: “I have difficult news.” Avoid vague hints.
Be clear.
Say it early
Do not delay or ramble. Say the key news within a minute.
Be direct.
Pause
Give them time to take it in. Silence is okay.
Wait.
Keep eye contact softly
Look at them with gentle, steady eyes, with natural breaks.
Look kindly.
Keep your hands calm
Rest your hands. Avoid fidgeting.
Rest.
Avoid barriers
Do not hide behind a desk or papers. Keep the space open.
Open.
Avoid distractions
Silence your phone and put away screens.
Focus.
Avoid rushing
Make time. Do not look at your watch.
Stay.
Avoid smiling nervously
A nervous smile can seem uncaring. Stay soft and serious.
Stay calm.
Avoid defensive postures
Keep your arms relaxed, not crossed.
Open.
Avoid blaming
Use neutral, factual language.
Be factual.
Avoid false reassurance
Be honest and compassionate. Do not promise what you cannot.
Be honest.
Allow emotion
If they cry or shout, stay calm and present. Offer a tissue.
Be steady.
Offer support
Ask “What would help right now?” and offer next steps.
Offer.
Scene: telling a colleague about a job change
Be clear, kind and give them space to respond.
Be respectful.
Scene: telling a friend something painful
Sit beside them, speak softly and listen.
Be gentle.
Scene: telling family about a loss
Choose a quiet moment and speak gently. Offer touch if welcome.
Be present.
Scene: telling a customer about a problem
Be calm, apologise and offer solutions.
Be calm.
Scene: telling a team about a setback
Stand calmly, speak plainly and offer a plan.
Be steady.
Scene: a medical professional
Sit, make eye contact, use plain words and allow questions.
Be clear.
Scene: telling a child
Get to their level and use simple, gentle words. Offer comfort.
Be gentle.
Scene: on video
Look at the lens, soften your tone and give time. Offer to call again.
Be careful.
Scene: by phone
Slow your voice and ask if it is a good time.
Be gentle.
Prepare
Plan your words and stance. Practise if you can.
Prepare.
Look after yourself
Hard news is hard to give. Take care afterwards.
Rest.
Follow up
Check in later. It shows lasting care.
Follow up.
Respect their reaction
People react differently. Do not judge.
Accept.
Respect culture
Norms around bad news differ. Learn what is appropriate.
Observe.
Respect silence
Let them speak when ready.
Wait.
Respect privacy
Do not share details without permission.
Be discreet.
Reflect
Afterwards, think about what you did well and what to improve.
Write a note.
Be kind to yourself
You did something hard and kind.
Be gentle.
Celebrate compassion
Your calm presence helped someone. Be proud.
Note it.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday situations.
“I have some difficult news to share.”
“This is hard to say.”
“I know this is not what you hoped for.”
“Take all the time you need.”
“Here is what we can do next.”
“I am here if you want to talk.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Choose a private space
Sit at an angle
Slow your breathing
Say it plainly
Pause and look
Stay still
Offer support
Further reading
- Presence (Amy Cuddy)
- What Every BODY Is Saying (Joe Navarro)
- The Definitive Book of Body Language (Allan and Barbara Pease)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “Body Language”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Body Language in GroupsNext: Your Daily Presence Practice →
- Your Posture Is Your First Sentence
- Stand Tall Without Stiffness
- The Open-Shoulder Reset
- Walk Into a Room Like You Belong
- Where to Put Your Hands
- Take Up Your Fair Share of Space
- Sit Like You Mean It
- The Warm Face Habit
- Smile With Your Eyes
- What Your Face Says When You Are Nervous
- Relax Your Jaw and Your Brow
- Look Interested Without Trying Hard
- Look Confident on Video Calls
- Read a Room by Reading Faces
- Open Palms Build Trust
- Gesture Between Shoulders and Waist
- Stop Fidgeting Without Effort
- Stop Touching Your Face
- Match Your Gestures to Your Words
- Hands in Pockets: Yes or No?
- The Power of Staying Still
- Crossed Arms Do Not Always Mean No
- Spot Comfort and Discomfort
- Notice Feet and Direction
- Mirror Gently to Build Rapport
- Check Words Against Body
- Read Before You React
- Ask Instead of Assuming
- The Ten-Second Entrance
- A Handshake That Says Yes
- Dress to Feel Like Yourself
- Greet First, Smile First
- Be Fully Present With One Person
- Leave a Warm Last Impression
- Body Language in a Job Interview
- Body Language on a First Date
- Body Language on Camera
- Body Language in Groups
- Body Language When Giving Bad News
- Your Daily Presence Practice
