Be Fully Present With One Person
Thirty-two ways to be fully present with one person, giving the kind of attention people remember for years.
Presence is the rarest gift. Offer all of it to one person.
40 tips that really help
These ideas come from Presence (Amy Cuddy), What Every BODY Is Saying (Joe Navarro), The Definitive Book of Body Language (Allan and Barbara Pease), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Presence is the rarest gift
Most people are half-present, thinking about what to say next or glancing at a screen. Giving one person your full attention, body and mind, is rare, and people remember how it feels.
Give one person your complete attention for five minutes today.
Put the phone away
A phone in sight, even face down, pulls attention and lowers the quality of a conversation, as research by Andrew Przybylski and Netta Weinstein suggests. Put it out of sight before you start.
Put your phone in a bag before your next chat.
Face them fully
Turn your chest and feet toward the person. A body turned toward someone signals that they have your attention.
Face them squarely.
Soften your eyes
Look at their face with relaxed, interested eyes. Do not scan the room.
Look kindly.
Quiet your hands
Resting your hands and nodding slowly signal calm attention.
Rest.
Quiet your mind
Notice when you drift into planning or judging, and gently return to their words. Returning is the practice.
Return.
Breathe
Slow breathing helps you stay present and calm.
Breathe out slowly.
Listen to the feeling
Listen for what they feel as well as what they say. It helps you respond with care.
Name the feeling.
Pause before replying
A short pause shows you are taking in their words.
Count one.
Reflect back
“So you felt nervous but excited” shows you listened.
Paraphrase.
Ask a follow-up
A question about what they just said shows you were present.
Ask.
Use their name
Saying their name warmly shows attention.
Use it.
Remember details
Recalling something they said earlier shows presence.
Recall one.
Scene: a friend in need
Put everything down, face them and listen without fixing. Presence often helps more than advice.
Listen.
Scene: a partner at the end of the day
Put the phone aside for ten minutes and ask about their day. Listen fully.
Give ten minutes.
Scene: a child's story
Get down to their level and listen with your whole body. They remember.
Kneel.
Scene: an elder's memory
Listen patiently, even to familiar stories. It is a gift.
Be patient.
Scene: a colleague's problem
Close your laptop and listen. They will feel valued.
Close the laptop.
Scene: a client's concerns
Maintain eye contact, nod and take notes. It builds trust.
Be attentive.
Scene: a date
Be fully there. Put away distractions and enjoy the person.
Be present.
Scene: a meal
Eat slowly, taste the food and talk. A shared meal is a chance for presence.
Enjoy.
Scene: a walk with someone
Walking side by side makes presence easy. Notice the sounds and the talk.
Walk slowly.
Scene: on a call
Close tabs and listen. They can tell when you multitask.
Focus.
Scene: on video
Look at the lens and faces, nod, and avoid typing. Be there.
Be there.
Scene: in a group
Look at the speaker and include others. Presence includes everyone.
Include.
Scene: with a stranger
A moment of full attention, such as to a cashier, can change both your days.
Be present with a stranger.
Do not multitask
Multitasking is the opposite of presence. Do one thing.
Single-task.
Do not plan your reply
Planning your answer while they speak means you miss half. Trust yourself.
Listen first.
Do not interrupt
Let them finish. It shows respect.
Wait.
Do not fix too soon
Often people want to be heard before they want advice. Ask “Do you want advice or just a listener?”
Ask.
Do not judge
Hold your opinions lightly while you listen.
Stay open.
Do not rush
Give them time. Silence is okay.
Wait.
Create the conditions
Quiet places, comfortable seats and enough time help presence. Plan ahead.
Choose a calm place.
Look after yourself
You cannot be present when exhausted. Rest and eat.
Take care.
Practise mindfulness
Short daily mindfulness trains the ability to return to the present.
Meditate for five minutes.
Practise noticing
Notice sights, sounds and feelings in a conversation. It deepens presence.
Observe.
Reflect
After a conversation, think about how present you were.
Note one thing.
Be patient
Presence grows over time. Keep returning.
Keep practising.
Celebrate presence
When someone says “Thank you for listening”, enjoy it.
Note it.
Let your attention rest on one thing
Choose one anchor while you listen, such as their eyes or their voice, and return to it when you wander. A single, simple focus is easier to hold than trying to be present everywhere.
Pick an anchor before your next conversation.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday situations.
“I am all yours for the next few minutes.”
“What has been on your mind lately?”
“It sounds like that mattered a lot.”
“Take your time, I am not in a hurry.”
“Thank you for trusting me with that.”
“I really enjoyed our time together.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Put your phone away
Turn your body toward them
Soften your eyes
Listen without fixing
Breathe slowly
Ask one real question
Notice when you drift
Further reading
- Presence (Amy Cuddy)
- What Every BODY Is Saying (Joe Navarro)
- The Definitive Book of Body Language (Allan and Barbara Pease)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
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Start freeThese lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.
More lessons in “Body Language”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Greet First, Smile FirstNext: Leave a Warm Last Impression →
- Your Posture Is Your First Sentence
- Stand Tall Without Stiffness
- The Open-Shoulder Reset
- Walk Into a Room Like You Belong
- Where to Put Your Hands
- Take Up Your Fair Share of Space
- Sit Like You Mean It
- The Warm Face Habit
- Smile With Your Eyes
- What Your Face Says When You Are Nervous
- Relax Your Jaw and Your Brow
- Look Interested Without Trying Hard
- Look Confident on Video Calls
- Read a Room by Reading Faces
- Open Palms Build Trust
- Gesture Between Shoulders and Waist
- Stop Fidgeting Without Effort
- Stop Touching Your Face
- Match Your Gestures to Your Words
- Hands in Pockets: Yes or No?
- The Power of Staying Still
- Crossed Arms Do Not Always Mean No
- Spot Comfort and Discomfort
- Notice Feet and Direction
- Mirror Gently to Build Rapport
- Check Words Against Body
- Read Before You React
- Ask Instead of Assuming
- The Ten-Second Entrance
- A Handshake That Says Yes
- Dress to Feel Like Yourself
- Greet First, Smile First
- Be Fully Present With One Person
- Leave a Warm Last Impression
- Body Language in a Job Interview
- Body Language on a First Date
- Body Language on Camera
- Body Language in Groups
- Body Language When Giving Bad News
- Your Daily Presence Practice
