LESSON 09 · BODY LANGUAGE

Smile With Your Eyes

Thirty-two ways to smile with your eyes, so your warmth looks real and reaches the person in front of you.

A real smile starts above the cheeks. Let your eyes join in.

40 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

40 tips that really help

These ideas come from Presence (Amy Cuddy), What Every BODY Is Saying (Joe Navarro), The Definitive Book of Body Language (Allan and Barbara Pease), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

A real smile starts above the cheeks

A genuine smile involves the muscles around the eyes as well as the mouth, giving a slight crinkle at the outer corners. People tend to find it warmer and more trustworthy than a mouth-only smile.

TRY THIS
Think of something you love and notice what your eyes do.

TIP 2

The Duchenne smile

The nineteenth-century French neurologist Guillaume Duchenne described the smile that includes the eye muscles. It is often called the Duchenne smile and is commonly linked with real enjoyment, although people can also produce it on purpose.

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Look up a picture of a Duchenne smile and notice the eyes.

TIP 3

Smile from the inside

The easiest way to smile with your eyes is to feel something warm. Recall a happy memory or picture a loved one and let your face respond.

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Recall a happy memory before you greet someone.

TIP 4

Lift your cheeks

Lifting your cheeks gently brings the eyes into the smile. Imagine you are about to laugh, and let your cheeks rise.

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Lift your cheeks slightly and notice your eyes.

TIP 5

Soften the area around your eyes

Tension around the eyes makes a smile look forced. Relax your forehead and eyelids and let your eyes feel warm.

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Relax your eyes and smile.

TIP 6

Let the smile build

A natural smile grows over a second or so instead of snapping on. A slower build looks more genuine.

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Let your smile arrive slowly.

TIP 7

Let the smile fade gently

A smile that fades gradually looks more natural than one that disappears abruptly. Keep a soft expression afterwards.

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Let your smile fade slowly.

TIP 8

Smile with a look

Making eye contact as you smile makes the smile feel personal. A smile at no one looks empty.

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Look at someone as you smile.

TIP 9

Smile when you greet

A smile as you meet someone is a small, powerful welcome. It costs nothing and warms the start of any conversation.

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Smile at your next greeting.

TIP 10

Smile when you listen

A faint smile while listening encourages the speaker and shows you are enjoying their company.

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Smile as someone tells a story.

TIP 11

Smile when you thank

A smile with a thank you makes your gratitude clear and sincere.

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Smile as you say thank you.

TIP 12

Smile when you say goodbye

A warm smile at a parting leaves a good last impression.

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End with a smile.

TIP 13

Scene: meeting a stranger

A smile with a bit of eye crinkle and a gentle “Hello” starts things warmly and puts both of you at ease.

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Smile at the next new person you meet.

TIP 14

Scene: greeting a friend

Let your whole face light up. A big, real smile tells a friend they matter.

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Let your face show your joy.

TIP 15

Scene: at work

A genuine smile with colleagues builds goodwill. You do not need to smile constantly, but a warm one at greetings goes far.

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Smile warmly at colleagues as you arrive.

TIP 16

Scene: on video

A smile on camera lifts your voice and look. Smile with your eyes at the lens when you begin.

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Smile at the lens.

TIP 17

Scene: in photographs

Think of something funny just before the photo is taken. It gives a natural smile.

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Think of something amusing before the shutter.

TIP 18

Scene: at a party

Smile as you scan the room. People will often smile back and may come over.

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Smile at the room as you walk in.

TIP 19

Scene: at an interview

A genuine, friendly smile at the right moments, such as the greeting and a pleasant exchange, shows warmth. Do not smile constantly.

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Smile when it fits the moment.

TIP 20

Scene: at a customer desk

Smile with your eyes as you greet customers. Their mood often lifts.

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Greet with a smile.

TIP 21

Scene: with children

Children respond to warm eyes. Smile with your whole face and they will smile back.

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Smile broadly at a child.

TIP 22

Scene: with elders

A warm, gentle smile shows respect and kindness. Pair it with a calm voice.

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Smile warmly at an elder.

TIP 23

Do not fake it

A forced smile can look odd and make people uneasy. Do not smile if it does not fit; a soft, kind face is enough.

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Relax instead of forcing.

TIP 24

Do not smile constantly

Constant smiling can look nervous. Smile when something warrants it.

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Smile naturally.

TIP 25

Do not smile at sadness

Match your expression to the mood. A gentle, serious face is kinder when someone shares sad news.

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Soften instead of smiling.

TIP 26

Do not use a smirk

A one-sided smile can look smug or mocking. A balanced smile reads as friendly.

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Let both sides of your mouth lift.

TIP 27

Check your teeth and mouth

A comfortable smile is easier when you are not self-conscious. Dental care helps, but do not worry about perfection.

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Smile freely.

TIP 28

Practise in the mirror

Practise your real smile by thinking of something happy. Notice how your eyes change.

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Practise for a minute.

TIP 29

Practise with a friend

Ask a friend to tell you whether your smile looks warm. Try a few versions.

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Ask for feedback.

TIP 30

Watch how others do it

Notice people whose smiles seem warm and see what their eyes do. Borrow a habit.

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Observe a warm person.

TIP 31

Smile at yourself

Smile at your reflection in the morning. It sets a kind tone for the day.

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Smile at the mirror tomorrow.

TIP 32

Pair smile with a greeting

A smile and “Good morning” together are a perfect pair. It becomes automatic with practice.

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Say “Good morning” with a real smile.

TIP 33

Notice the effect on you

Smiling, even a little, can lift your mood slightly. Notice how you feel.

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Rate your mood before and after a smile.

TIP 34

Notice the effect on others

Smiles are contagious. Count how many people smile back in a day.

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Count smiles.

TIP 35

Use laughter

A shared laugh brings real smiles. Seek moments to laugh with others.

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Watch something funny with a friend.

TIP 36

Use humour

A light joke often brings a genuine smile. Humour is a good ice-breaker.

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Share a funny story.

TIP 37

Use gratitude

Thinking of something you are grateful for brings warmth to your face. Try it before meeting people.

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Think of three things you are grateful for.

TIP 38

Be patient

It may take practice to smile with your eyes. Keep trying.

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Practise daily.

TIP 39

Celebrate warmth

When your smile reaches your eyes and someone smiles back, enjoy that moment.

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Note one smile today.

TIP 40

Let your smile follow your kindness

The most reliable way to smile with your eyes is to be glad to see the person in front of you. Cultivating small kindnesses, such as asking about someone’s day, makes a real smile appear on its own.

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Ask one person a warm question and notice your face.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday situations.

HELLO

“It is so good to see you.”

JOY

“That makes me really happy.”

CARE

“I am glad you told me.”

ASK

“What made you laugh today?”

THANK

“Thank you, that means a lot.”

“You brighten my day.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Think of someone you love

DAY 2
Lift your cheeks gently

DAY 3
Relax your brow

DAY 4
Let the smile grow slowly

DAY 5
Look at the other person

DAY 6
Practise in a mirror

DAY 7
Smile in your voice

More lessons in “Body Language”

Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.

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