Body Language on a First Date
Thirty-two ways to use body language on a first date, so warmth and comfort come through naturally.
Relaxed beats polished. Let your body say you are glad to be there.
40 tips that really help
These ideas come from Presence (Amy Cuddy), What Every BODY Is Saying (Joe Navarro), The Definitive Book of Body Language (Allan and Barbara Pease), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Relaxed beats polished
On a first date, people respond to ease and warmth more than perfect polish. A relaxed body, a genuine smile and calm attention make a stronger impression than a rehearsed performance.
Aim to be at ease, not perfect.
Arrive a few minutes early
Settle, breathe and choose a seat where you feel comfortable. It helps you look calm.
Arrive early.
Smile when you see them
A warm smile with eye contact says you are glad they came.
Smile.
Greet warmly
A hello, their name and a hug or handshake if appropriate set a friendly tone.
Be warm.
Sit comfortably
Sit back, turn slightly toward them and keep your feet flat.
Relax.
Lean in lightly
A slight lean when they speak shows interest.
Lean a little.
Keep hands visible
Rest them on the table or in your lap. Avoid fiddling.
Show them.
Keep your phone away
Phones kill chemistry.
Put it away.
Look at them
Soft eye contact with natural breaks shows interest.
Look kindly.
Nod and react
Let your face respond to what they say.
React.
Mirror naturally
If they lean in, you may too. Do not force it.
Relax.
Match their pace
Speak at a similar speed and volume.
Attune.
Laugh easily
Share genuine laughter. It builds connection.
Laugh.
Be curious
Ask about what they love and listen.
Ask.
Be kind
Treat staff and your date with respect.
Be kind.
Respect space
Do not crowd. Let them set the distance.
Respect.
Respect touch
Wait for their cues and ask when unsure.
Ask.
Respect no
If they seem uncomfortable, ease off at once.
Respect.
Avoid fidgeting
Nerves show in hands and feet. Ground yourself.
Breathe.
Avoid crossing arms
Keep your body open.
Open.
Avoid scanning the room
Stay with your date.
Focus.
Avoid constant touching of face or hair
It signals nerves. Keep hands calm.
Rest.
Avoid performing
Be yourself, not a character.
Be you.
Manage nerves
Slow breaths, relaxed shoulders and a sip of water help.
Breathe.
Manage awkward silences
A calm look and smile make silence comfortable.
Smile.
Manage blushing
Smile and carry on. It is charming.
Smile.
Manage the bill and logistics
Plan ahead so that practical things do not stress you.
Plan.
Scene: coffee date
Choose a quiet spot, sit at a comfortable angle and keep your body open.
Relax.
Scene: dinner
Sit upright, eat slowly and pause between bites to talk.
Slow down.
Scene: a walk
Walk at a shared pace, glance at each other and smile.
Share the pace.
Scene: a drink
Hold your glass low, stand or sit comfortably and avoid hiding behind it.
Stay open.
Scene: an activity date
Let the activity carry the conversation and smile at shared moments.
Enjoy.
Scene: a video date
Look at the lens, smile and keep your camera at eye level.
Test it.
End with warmth
Thank them, say what you enjoyed and let your body show kindness.
Be gracious.
Be honest about interest
Kindly say if you would like to meet again, or if not, say so respectfully.
Be honest.
Stay safe
Meet in public, tell a friend and trust your instincts.
Be safe.
Reflect
Think about what felt good and what to try next time.
Write a note.
Be kind to yourself
Dating is vulnerable. Be gentle.
Say, “I did my best.”
Celebrate connection
A shared laugh and an easy moment are the real prizes.
Note one.
Let it be unhurried
First dates do not need to answer every question. Allow yourself and your date to enjoy the moment without deciding anything. Relaxed bodies come from unhurried minds.
Tell yourself, “I only have to enjoy this hour.”
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday situations.
“It is so good to meet you.”
“You have a great smile.”
“What are you passionate about?”
“I am a bit nervous, to be honest.”
“Thank you for tonight.”
“I would love to see you again.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Arrive calm
Smile and greet
Turn toward them
Keep an open posture
Mirror gently
Respect space
End warmly
Further reading
- Presence (Amy Cuddy)
- What Every BODY Is Saying (Joe Navarro)
- The Definitive Book of Body Language (Allan and Barbara Pease)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “Body Language”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Body Language in a Job InterviewNext: Body Language on Camera →
- Your Posture Is Your First Sentence
- Stand Tall Without Stiffness
- The Open-Shoulder Reset
- Walk Into a Room Like You Belong
- Where to Put Your Hands
- Take Up Your Fair Share of Space
- Sit Like You Mean It
- The Warm Face Habit
- Smile With Your Eyes
- What Your Face Says When You Are Nervous
- Relax Your Jaw and Your Brow
- Look Interested Without Trying Hard
- Look Confident on Video Calls
- Read a Room by Reading Faces
- Open Palms Build Trust
- Gesture Between Shoulders and Waist
- Stop Fidgeting Without Effort
- Stop Touching Your Face
- Match Your Gestures to Your Words
- Hands in Pockets: Yes or No?
- The Power of Staying Still
- Crossed Arms Do Not Always Mean No
- Spot Comfort and Discomfort
- Notice Feet and Direction
- Mirror Gently to Build Rapport
- Check Words Against Body
- Read Before You React
- Ask Instead of Assuming
- The Ten-Second Entrance
- A Handshake That Says Yes
- Dress to Feel Like Yourself
- Greet First, Smile First
- Be Fully Present With One Person
- Leave a Warm Last Impression
- Body Language in a Job Interview
- Body Language on a First Date
- Body Language on Camera
- Body Language in Groups
- Body Language When Giving Bad News
- Your Daily Presence Practice
