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LESSON 05 · BODY LANGUAGE

Where to Put Your Hands

Thirty-two ways to know where to put your hands, so they help your message instead of distracting from it.

Hands are either your helpers or your worries. Give them a calm job.

40 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

40 tips that really help

These ideas come from Presence (Amy Cuddy), What Every BODY Is Saying (Joe Navarro), The Definitive Book of Body Language (Allan and Barbara Pease), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Hands are either your helpers or your worries

When you know what to do with your hands, they help you speak and look at ease. When you do not, they become a source of worry and fiddling. A few simple “home positions” solve most of the problem.

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Choose one home position for your hands today.

TIP 2

Home position one: arms hanging

Let your arms hang loosely at your sides with your hands slightly open. It looks natural and calm, and it is the easiest position to return to between gestures.

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Let your arms hang and breathe.

TIP 3

Home position two: hands together low

Rest one hand lightly in the other at about belt height, with the fingers loose. It looks composed and keeps your hands ready to gesture. Avoid squeezing.

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Rest your hands lightly in front of you.

TIP 4

Home position three: holding something

A glass, a folder or a pen gives your hands a purpose. Hold it lightly at waist height, not as a shield in front of your chest.

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Hold a drink loosely at waist height.

TIP 5

Home position four: one hand in a pocket

One hand in a pocket with the thumb out can look casual and relaxed in friendly settings. Keep the other hand free to gesture.

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Try one-hand-in-pocket with the other free.

TIP 6

Home position five: on a surface

Resting a hand on a table, a chair back or a lectern anchors your stance and looks relaxed. It is a good option when you must stay still.

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Rest one hand on a table.

TIP 7

Avoid clasping behind your back

Hands behind the back can look formal or authoritative, but also unreachable. Use it sparingly and avoid gripping tightly.

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Bring your hands to the front for warmth.

TIP 8

Avoid the fig leaf

Holding your hands tightly over your lower body, sometimes called the fig leaf, looks protective and nervous. Move your hands up to waist level.

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Raise your hands slightly.

TIP 9

Avoid arms crossed all the time

Crossed arms can be comfortable and, in cold rooms, practical, but constant crossing can look closed. Mix it up and uncross when you want to look open.

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Uncross your arms for the next five minutes.

TIP 10

Avoid hands in both pockets

Both hands buried in pockets can look closed and uninvolved. A single pocket is better, and hands out is best for warm conversation.

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Take one hand out.

TIP 11

Avoid wringing and picking

Rubbing your hands, picking at nails or twisting rings shows nerves. Give your hands a calm task, like holding a glass or resting on a surface.

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Notice any picking and replace it with a calm hold.

TIP 12

Avoid pointing

Pointing a finger at someone can feel aggressive. Use an open hand with the palm slightly up to indicate a person or direction.

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Use an open hand to gesture toward someone.

TIP 13

Avoid hiding your hands

Hands out of view can make people wonder what you are doing. Keep them visible, especially in negotiations or first meetings.

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Keep your hands where people can see them.

TIP 14

Scene: speaking in a meeting

Rest your hands lightly on the table or in your lap, then lift them for gestures as you speak. You will look composed and engaged.

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Keep your hands visible and calm in a meeting.

TIP 15

Scene: standing at a party

Hold a drink in your left hand, keep your right hand free for greetings and let it rest at your side or in a pocket between handshakes.

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Hold your glass in your left hand.

TIP 16

Scene: giving a presentation

Start with your hands in the home position and let them rise naturally as you speak. When you finish a gesture, return them to the home position.

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Plan your home position for your next talk.

TIP 17

Scene: on a video call

Keep your hands resting on the desk below the frame, then bring them up into view for gestures. Avoid holding them in front of your face.

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Rest your hands on the desk and gesture within the frame.

TIP 18

Scene: at an interview

Rest your hands lightly in your lap or on the table. Use small, open gestures to illustrate points. Keep them calm.

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Practise with your hands visible.

TIP 19

Scene: at a dinner

Keep your hands on the table or in your lap, not fiddling with cutlery. When you are not eating, rest them lightly.

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Notice what your hands do at dinner.

TIP 20

Scene: on a date

Let your hands be relaxed and visible. Gentle gestures show warmth. Avoid constant touching of face or hair.

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Keep your hands calm and open.

TIP 21

Scene: waiting in line

Hold a phone or bag lightly, or let your hands hang. Avoid fidgeting with keys or clothes.

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Choose a calm hold.

TIP 22

Scene: when you are nervous

Nerves send energy to the hands. Press your fingertips together lightly, hold a pen or press your palms against your thighs briefly to ground the energy.

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Press your palms into your thighs.

TIP 23

Scene: when you are cold

Cold hands fidget. Warm them in your pockets before you step out, then bring them out for conversation.

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Warm your hands before an event.

TIP 24

Scene: when you are bored

Boredom makes hands fidget. Find something to do with your attention, like asking a question, and your hands will settle.

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Shift your attention to the speaker.

TIP 25

Use your hands to illustrate

Gestures that match your words, such as showing size or direction, make your speaking clearer and more lively. Keep them natural and between waist and shoulder height.

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Add one natural gesture to your next story.

TIP 26

Keep gestures at a comfortable height

The zone between your waist and shoulders is the sweet spot. Gestures above the shoulders look excited and below the waist look hidden.

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Gesture between waist and chest.

TIP 27

Open your palms

Open palms feel honest and friendly. Turn your palms slightly up or toward the listener when you want to look open.

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Show an open palm as you explain something.

TIP 28

Finish gestures cleanly

When a gesture ends, let your hands return to the home position rather than hovering. Clean finishes look confident.

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Return your hands to rest after each gesture.

TIP 29

Slow your gestures

Fast, jerky gestures look nervous. Slow, smooth ones look calm. Slow your hands slightly when you feel rushed.

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Slow every gesture by a little.

TIP 30

Match gesture size to room size

In a small room, keep gestures small. In a large room or on stage, make them bigger so that people at the back see them.

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Adjust your gestures to the room.

TIP 31

Match gestures to culture

Some gestures mean different things in different places, and some are rude. When travelling or speaking to a mixed audience, keep gestures simple and open.

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Check local customs before you travel.

TIP 32

Keep your hands clean and tidy

Well-kept hands look professional when visible. You do not need anything fancy, just clean and comfortable.

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Take a quick moment to check your nails.

TIP 33

Use a prop sparingly

A pen, a clicker or a notebook can give your hands a purpose, but avoid clicking or twisting. Hold it still when you are not using it.

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Hold your pen still when you are listening.

TIP 34

Practise with a mirror

Watch your hands as you speak. See which gestures look natural and which look forced. Adjust and repeat.

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Practise a one-minute story in front of a mirror.

TIP 35

Record yourself

Watching your hands on video reveals habits you cannot feel. Most people find a few easy fixes.

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Record a short talk and watch your hands.

TIP 36

Ask for feedback

Ask a trusted friend whether your hands help or distract. A single piece of feedback is valuable.

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Ask for one comment.

TIP 37

Be patient

Hand habits take a few weeks to change. Notice, choose a home position, and repeat.

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Practise for two weeks.

TIP 38

Celebrate calm hands

When you notice your hands resting easily, enjoy it. Calm hands often mean a calm mind.

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Note one moment today.

TIP 39

Warm your hands for a better handshake

Cold, clammy hands make greetings awkward. Rub your hands together or hold something warm before you meet people, and wipe your palm dry before you shake.

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Warm and dry your hands before your next greeting.

TIP 40

Let your hands follow your feelings

When you speak about something you care about, your hands will naturally move. Trust that. The best gestures are the ones that come from genuine interest, not from a technique.

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Think about something you love and watch what your hands do.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday situations.

OPEN

“Let me show you what I mean.”

OFFER

“Here, take a look at this.”

PAUSE

“One moment, let me think.”

ASK

“What do you think about this?”

THANK

“Thank you, I appreciate your help.”

“Great to talk with you.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Let hands rest at your sides

DAY 2
Use hands to explain

DAY 3
Hold something light

DAY 4
Rest on a table

DAY 5
Keep palms visible

DAY 6
Avoid fidgeting

DAY 7
Practise on camera

More lessons in “Body Language”

Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.

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