Making Friends / How to Deal With Rejection / Lesson 38

LESSON 38 · HOW TO DEAL WITH REJECTION

Stay Kind to People Who Reject You

Thirty-two easy ways to stay kind to people who reject you, because kindness protects your character and your future.

Kindness is a choice. It keeps your heart clean.

30 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

30 tips that really help

These ideas come from Rejection Proof (Jia Jiang), Attached (Amir Levine and Rachel Heller), Daring Greatly (Brené Brown), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Kindness protects you

Staying kind after a rejection protects your self-respect, your reputation and your peace of mind. Cruelty rarely feels good later.

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Choose it.

TIP 2

Breathe first

A slow breath keeps you from reacting in hurt. Calm leads to kind.

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Breathe.

TIP 3

Stay polite

Say hello, thank you and goodbye. Politeness is easy and dignified.

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Be polite.

TIP 4

Avoid gossip

Do not speak badly of them. Gossip spreads and returns.

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Stay quiet.

TIP 5

Smile when you meet

A small smile shows grace. You do not need to be close.

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Smile.

TIP 6

Wish them well

Say silently, I wish you well. It frees your heart.

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Wish them.

TIP 7

Respect their choice

They have the right to choose, even if it hurts. Respect without chasing.

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Respect it.

TIP 8

Keep your boundaries

Kind does not mean available. You may limit contact.

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Protect yourself.

TIP 9

Be honest, not harsh

If you must speak, be truthful and gentle. Avoid blame.

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Be gentle.

TIP 10

Do not play the victim

Avoid dramatic stories. Own your feelings simply.

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Stay simple.

TIP 11

Keep dignity online

Do not post cryptic complaints. Keep your page kind.

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Be mature.

TIP 12

Let time soften things

Years often turn hurt into peace. Be patient.

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Wait.

TIP 13

Script: greeting

Hello, it is good to see you. Say it politely.

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Use it.

TIP 14

Script: wishing

I hope you are doing well. Say it sincerely.

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Use it.

TIP 15

Script: respecting

I respect your choice and wish you well. Say it calmly.

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Use it.

TIP 16

Script: thanking

Thanks for being honest with me. Say it gracefully.

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Use it.

TIP 17

Script: closing

Take care of yourself. Say it warmly.

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Use it.

TIP 18

Mistake: acting cold to punish

Coldness harms you too, so be polite.

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Stay classy.

TIP 19

Mistake: gossiping to friends

It spreads negativity, so keep it private.

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Stay discreet.

TIP 20

Mistake: sending bitter messages

They linger, so wait until calm or stay silent.

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Pause.

TIP 21

Mistake: pretending to be best friends

Fake closeness is tiring, so be honest and polite.

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Be real.

TIP 22

Mistake: expecting an apology

It may never come, so release the need.

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Let go.

TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when you share a social circle

Be polite, brief and calm at events. Do not make others choose sides.

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Be mature.

TIP 24

Troubleshoot: when you see them with others

Breathe and feel it privately. Smile and move on.

TRY THIS
Breathe.

TIP 25

Troubleshoot: when they are unkind

Protect your boundaries and do not retaliate. Limit contact if needed.

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Be firm and calm.

TIP 26

Troubleshoot: when you want to send a bitter message

Write it, then delete it. Relief comes without damage.

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Write and delete.

TIP 27

Troubleshoot: when you feel resentment

Name it, talk to a friend and practise wishing them well daily. Resentment fades.

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Practise.

TIP 28

Drill: wish them well daily

Say a silent kind wish for the person each day this week. Notice your heart.

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Try.

TIP 29

Drill: practise a polite hello

Practise a calm, polite hello you could use if you meet. Make it steady.

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Practise.

TIP 30

Drill: write and delete

Write all your bitter thoughts and delete them. Feel lighter.

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Do it.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

GREET

“Hello, good to see you.”

WISH

“I hope you are well.”

RESPECT

“I respect your choice.”

SMILE

“Nice to see you.”

THANK

“Thanks for your honesty.”

CLOSE

“Take care.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Breathe

DAY 2
Stay polite

DAY 3
Avoid gossip

DAY 4
Smile when you meet

DAY 5
Wish them well

DAY 6
Protect your boundaries

DAY 7
Let go

Further reading

• Rejection Proof (Jia Jiang)
• Attached (Amir Levine and Rachel Heller)
• Daring Greatly (Brené Brown)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.