Making Friends / How to Deal With Rejection / Lesson 31

LESSON 31 · HOW TO DEAL WITH REJECTION

Do Not Stop Trying After One No

Thirty-two easy ways to not stop trying after one no, so one closed door never decides your whole social life.

One no is one no. Keep trying kindly.

25 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

25 tips that really help

These ideas come from Rejection Proof (Jia Jiang), Attached (Amir Levine and Rachel Heller), Daring Greatly (Brené Brown), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

One no is a small data point

A single refusal tells you little. Many friendships begin after several tries.

TRY THIS
Keep going.

TIP 2

Name the no

Say, I was told no, and that is okay. Naming reduces its weight.

TRY THIS
Say it.

TIP 3

Learn one lesson

Ask, can I adjust my approach? Small tweaks help.

TRY THIS
Ask.

TIP 4

Take a short rest

A day or two to recover is fine. Then try again.

TRY THIS
Rest.

TIP 5

Invite someone else

Many people would love to hear from you. Ask another.

TRY THIS
Ask another.

TIP 6

Try a different kind of invite

Switch from dinner to coffee or from text to a call. Fit matters.

TRY THIS
Vary it.

TIP 7

Count your tries

Aim for ten invitations before judging. Counting reframes failure as progress.

TRY THIS
Count them.

TIP 8

Keep your standards kind

You deserve respect, but not perfection. Be flexible.

TRY THIS
Be balanced.

TIP 9

Remember successes

List friendships that began with a risk. Read it.

TRY THIS
List them.

TIP 10

Script: naming

I was told no, and I will try again another way. Say it calmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 11

Script: learning

What small thing can I adjust next time? Say it kindly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 12

Script: inviting

Would you like to grab a coffee sometime? Say it lightly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 13

Script: persisting

I am not giving up, I am just trying a new way. Say it firmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 14

Script: closing

On to the next one, with a smile. Say it cheerfully.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 15

Mistake: deciding you are unlikeable

One no does not define you, so keep perspective.

TRY THIS
Reframe.

TIP 16

Mistake: repeating the same invitation to the same person

Respect their answer, so try someone new.

TRY THIS
Move on.

TIP 17

Mistake: expecting everyone to say yes

Noes are normal, so count them as practice.

TRY THIS
Expect some.

TIP 18

Troubleshoot: when noes pile up

Take a break, review your approach and ask for feedback from a friend. Adjust.

TRY THIS
Reflect.

TIP 19

Troubleshoot: when you lose hope

Remember people who have found friends late. Hope is realistic.

TRY THIS
Stay hopeful.

TIP 20

Troubleshoot: when you feel exhausted

Pause for a week and rest. Return gently.

TRY THIS
Rest.

TIP 21

Troubleshoot: when feedback hurts

Take what is useful and leave the rest. Be kind to yourself.

TRY THIS
Filter.

TIP 22

Troubleshoot: when you need support

Talk to a friend or counsellor. Support helps you keep trying.

TRY THIS
Seek help.

TIP 23

Drill: ten invites

Aim to send ten invitations over a month. Track.

TRY THIS
Track.

TIP 24

Drill: learn one thing per no

After each no write one lesson. Keep a log.

TRY THIS
Log.

TIP 25

Drill: celebrate persistence

Reward yourself after each five attempts. Enjoy.

TRY THIS
Reward.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

TRY

“I will invite someone else.”

LEARN

“What can I adjust?”

KEEP

“I will not give up.”

ASK

“Would you like to meet?”

THANK

“Thanks for answering.”

CLOSE

“On to the next.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Name the no

DAY 2
Learn one thing

DAY 3
Wait a bit

DAY 4
Try another person

DAY 5
Try another way

DAY 6
Count your tries

DAY 7
Celebrate persistence

Further reading

• Rejection Proof (Jia Jiang)
• Attached (Amir Levine and Rachel Heller)
• Daring Greatly (Brené Brown)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.