Making Friends / How to Deal With Rejection / Lesson 06

LESSON 06 · HOW TO DEAL WITH REJECTION

Everyone Has Been Left Out

Thirty-two easy reminders that everyone has been left out, and kind ways to use that truth to feel less alone.

You are in good company. Almost everyone has been there.

28 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

28 tips that really help

These ideas come from Rejection Proof (Jia Jiang), Attached (Amir Levine and Rachel Heller), Daring Greatly (Brené Brown), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Almost everyone has felt left out

Surveys show that most people have felt excluded at some point, including popular, confident people. It is a common human experience.

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You are not alone.

TIP 2

It does not mean you are flawed

Being left out says little about your worth. It says life is complicated.

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Reframe.

TIP 3

Ask a friend about their experience

Say, have you ever felt left out? Most will share a story.

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Ask.

TIP 4

Read or listen to others’ stories

Books, podcasts and blogs describe similar feelings. Reading helps.

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Find one.

TIP 5

Share your story

Telling a trusted person lightens the load. Shared pain halves.

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Share.

TIP 6

Normalise it for yourself

Say, this happens to everyone, and I will be okay. Calm words help.

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Say it.

TIP 7

Notice the spotlight effect

Others think of you less than you imagine. Most are busy with themselves.

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Relax.

TIP 8

Remember times you belonged

Recall moments you were included and loved. They are true too.

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Recall them.

TIP 9

Look for similar people

Join groups of people who value the same things. Belonging grows there.

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Search.

TIP 10

Be the one who includes

Invite others who seem alone. Kindness heals both sides.

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Include.

TIP 11

Be gentle with comparison

Social media shows highlights, not struggles. Remember that.

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Limit scrolling.

TIP 12

Use it to grow empathy

Your experience helps you care for others. Turn pain into kindness.

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Be kind.

TIP 13

Script: sharing

I felt left out once too, and it really hurt. Say it softly.

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Use it.

TIP 14

Script: asking

Have you ever felt left out like this? Say it kindly.

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Use it.

TIP 15

Script: comforting

You are not alone in this, many of us have been there. Say it warmly.

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Use it.

TIP 16

Script: learning

What helped you when you felt this way? Say it with interest.

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Use it.

TIP 17

Script: closing

Thanks for sharing, that makes me feel less alone. Say it sincerely.

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Use it.

TIP 18

Mistake: hiding your feelings

Secrets keep shame alive, so share with someone safe.

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Share.

TIP 19

Mistake: assuming everyone else belongs

Most people feel unsure sometimes, so be kind to all.

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Be kind.

TIP 20

Mistake: lashing out at those who left you out

Anger harms you, so respond with calm.

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Breathe.

TIP 21

Troubleshoot: when it feels very personal

Remember that many reasons exist: timing, numbers, habits. Look for the kindest.

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List reasons.

TIP 22

Troubleshoot: when it happens repeatedly

Look for groups where you fit and talk to someone you trust. A pattern deserves attention.

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Seek support.

TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when you are teased

Tell a trusted adult, friend or manager and keep safe. Bullying is not your fault.

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Get help.

TIP 24

Troubleshoot: when you feel like giving up on friends

Take a break, then try a small step. Friendship is worth another try.

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Rest then try.

TIP 25

Troubleshoot: when you feel lonely at night

Write your feelings, listen to calming music and plan tomorrow’s reach-out. Be gentle.

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Soothe yourself.

TIP 26

Drill: ask three friends

Ask three friends about a time they felt left out. Listen kindly.

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Ask.

TIP 27

Drill: write your story

Write your own left-out story in five lines and note how you grew. Read it kindly.

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Write.

TIP 28

Drill: include one person

Invite one person who seems alone to join you this week. Notice how it feels.

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Invite.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

SHARE

“I felt left out once too.”

ASK

“Has this happened to you?”

COMFORT

“You are not alone in this.”

LEARN

“What helped you?”

THANK

“Thanks for sharing.”

CLOSE

“That helps.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Remember the truth

DAY 2
Ask a friend

DAY 3
Read stories

DAY 4
Share yours

DAY 5
Normalise it

DAY 6
Be kind

DAY 7
Include others

Further reading

• Rejection Proof (Jia Jiang)
• Attached (Amir Levine and Rachel Heller)
• Daring Greatly (Brené Brown)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.