Making Friends / How to Deal With Rejection / Lesson 13

LESSON 13 · HOW TO DEAL WITH REJECTION

Write It Down, Then Let It Rest

Thirty-two easy ways to write it down and then let it rest, so your mind stops carrying the whole weight.

Paper holds what the mind cannot. Write, then close the book.

29 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

29 tips that really help

These ideas come from Rejection Proof (Jia Jiang), Attached (Amir Levine and Rachel Heller), Daring Greatly (Brené Brown), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Paper shrinks worries

Thoughts swirl in the head but slow down on paper. Writing makes feelings finite and easier to handle.

TRY THIS
Write.

TIP 2

Take a clean page

A fresh page signals a fresh look. Use a simple notebook.

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Open one.

TIP 3

Write what happened

List facts like a reporter: who, what, when. Leave out adjectives and guesses.

TRY THIS
Be plain.

TIP 4

Write what you feel

List feelings separately: hurt, anger, worry. Feelings are real but not facts about the world.

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Name three.

TIP 5

Mark guesses and stories

Circle anything that is a guess, such as she thinks I am boring. These are hypotheses.

TRY THIS
Circle them.

TIP 6

Check the evidence

For each guess ask what supports and contradicts it. Often there is little.

TRY THIS
Test two.

TIP 7

Use a neutral voice

Rewrite events as a neutral observer would. Distance reduces heat.

TRY THIS
Try third person.

TIP 8

List your options

Write three possible responses, including doing nothing. Choices restore control.

TRY THIS
Write three.

TIP 9

Write one next step

Pick a small action like resting or asking. Tiny steps beat paralysis.

TRY THIS
Choose one.

TIP 10

Say a closing line

Write, that is enough for today. Then close the book on purpose.

TRY THIS
Write it.

TIP 11

Keep it private

Write freely and protect the privacy of the page. Honest writing needs safety.

TRY THIS
Keep it safe.

TIP 12

Come back later

Read it again in daylight if needed. Often it looks smaller.

TRY THIS
Check tomorrow.

TIP 13

Script: writing

Let me write down what happened and how I feel. Say it kindly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 14

Script: facts

Here is what I actually know, without the story. Say it calmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 15

Script: closing

That is enough for today, I will close the book. Say it softly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 16

Script: trusting

The page can hold this for me tonight. Say it gently.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 17

Script: planning

Tomorrow I will decide what to do, not tonight. Say it firmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 18

Mistake: writing only feelings

Feelings without facts keep you stuck, so add both.

TRY THIS
Add facts.

TIP 19

Mistake: writing a story about their motives

Stories about intent drift into fiction, so stick to what you saw.

TRY THIS
Be a reporter.

TIP 20

Mistake: rereading too much

Over-rereading restarts the pain, so read once.

TRY THIS
Move on.

TIP 21

Mistake: writing at 2 a.m.

Night writing turns gloomy, so write by day if possible.

TRY THIS
Sleep first.

TIP 22

Troubleshoot: when you cannot start

Write one sentence: today I felt… Momentum follows.

TRY THIS
Begin small.

TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when it floods you

Write for five minutes only, then stop and breathe. Respect your limit.

TRY THIS
Set a timer.

TIP 24

Troubleshoot: when you dislike writing

Voice-note your thoughts or draw a timeline. Any format works.

TRY THIS
Try audio.

TIP 25

Troubleshoot: when facts hurt

Be gentle and take breaks. Facts can be faced slowly.

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Pause.

TIP 26

Troubleshoot: when facts are unclear

List what you do not know and decide whether to ask. Uncertainty is okay.

TRY THIS
Write questions.

TIP 27

Drill: the three-column page

Make columns for facts, feelings and next steps. Fill them in.

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Try it.

TIP 28

Drill: five-minute dump

Write nonstop for five minutes, then underline only the facts. Notice how few there are.

TRY THIS
Do it.

TIP 29

Drill: weekly review

Once a week read your notes and see what changed. Celebrate progress.

TRY THIS
Schedule.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

WRITE

“Let me write what happened.”

FEEL

“I felt hurt and embarrassed.”

FACTS

“Here is what I actually know.”

CLOSE

“I will close the book now.”

REST

“I can rest.”

PLAN

“Tomorrow I will decide.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Take a clean page

DAY 2
Write what happened

DAY 3
Write what you feel

DAY 4
Mark the guesses

DAY 5
Write a next step

DAY 6
Close the book

DAY 7
Come back later

Further reading

• Rejection Proof (Jia Jiang)
• Attached (Amir Levine and Rachel Heller)
• Daring Greatly (Brené Brown)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.