Making Friends / How to Deal With Rejection / Lesson 40

LESSON 40 · HOW TO DEAL WITH REJECTION

Your Rejection Recovery Plan

Thirty-two easy steps to build your rejection recovery plan, a simple page that helps you bounce back again and again.

A plan helps when feelings are loud. Write it when you are calm.

27 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

27 tips that really help

These ideas come from Rejection Proof (Jia Jiang), Attached (Amir Levine and Rachel Heller), Daring Greatly (Brené Brown), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

A plan lowers panic

When hurt, thinking is hard. A pre-made plan tells you what to do and saves energy.

TRY THIS
Write yours.

TIP 2

Step one: breathe

Five slow breaths with long exhales. Calm the body first.

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Add it.

TIP 3

Step two: feel for five minutes

Name the feeling and allow it. A timer keeps it safe.

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Add it.

TIP 4

Step three: pause before reacting

Promise no messages for twenty-four hours. Pause rule protects you.

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Add it.

TIP 5

Step five: do something kind

Tea, a walk, music, a bath. Choose comforts you love.

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List three.

TIP 6

Step seven: write facts and fears

Separate what you know from what you fear. Clarity helps.

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Add it.

TIP 7

Step eight: remember who cares

Read kind messages or list people who care. Balance.

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Add it.

TIP 8

Step nine: learn one lesson

When calm, write one lesson and one action. Learn lightly.

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Add it.

TIP 9

Step ten: try again

Plan one small brave step, like a message or an invite. Keep going.

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Add it.

TIP 10

Keep it on your phone

Store the plan where you can find it fast. Access matters.

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Save it.

TIP 11

Script: opening

First, I breathe, then I decide. Say it calmly.

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Use it.

TIP 12

Script: feeling

I will give myself five minutes to feel this. Say it kindly.

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Use it.

TIP 13

Script: reaching

I will message my safe person now. Say it gently.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 14

Script: learning

When I am calm I will write one lesson from this. Say it softly.

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Use it.

TIP 15

Script: closing

I followed my plan, and I am proud. Say it with a smile.

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Use it.

TIP 16

Mistake: making the plan too long

Long plans get ignored, so keep it to one page.

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Trim.

TIP 17

Mistake: writing it when hurting

Draft it when calm, so prepare ahead.

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Do it now.

TIP 18

Mistake: never using it

An unused plan helps nobody, so practise it.

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Test it.

TIP 19

Mistake: copying someone else’s plan

Customise it to what soothes you, so own it.

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Personalise.

TIP 20

Troubleshoot: when you forget the plan

Keep a card in your wallet or on your phone. Cue yourself.

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Make a card.

TIP 21

Troubleshoot: when it does not work

Revise it based on what helps. Experiment.

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Adjust.

TIP 22

Troubleshoot: when emotions are too strong

Seek professional help alongside your plan. Plans support, not replace, care.

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Get support.

TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when you share a home

Tell family what helps you. Let them support you.

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Share.

TIP 24

Troubleshoot: when hurts are frequent

Make mini-plans for small stings. Light versions help.

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Shorten.

TIP 25

Drill: write it now

Draft your ten-step plan in ten minutes. Save it.

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Write.

TIP 26

Drill: test run

Use the plan after your next small sting. Note what helped.

TRY THIS
Try.

TIP 27

Drill: monthly update

Review monthly and edit. Keep it alive.

TRY THIS
Calendar.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

BREATHE

“First, I breathe slowly.”

FEEL

“Then, I allow five minutes.”

REACH

“Then, I contact one safe person.”

CARE

“Then, I do something kind for me.”

LEARN

“Later, I write one lesson.”

TRY

“Then, I try again.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Write your steps

DAY 2
Choose your comforts

DAY 3
List your safe people

DAY 4
Set a pause rule

DAY 5
Plan a gentle day

DAY 6
Review after

DAY 7
Try again

Further reading

• Rejection Proof (Jia Jiang)
• Attached (Amir Levine and Rachel Heller)
• Daring Greatly (Brené Brown)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.