Making Friends / How to Deal With Rejection / Lesson 30

LESSON 30 · HOW TO DEAL WITH REJECTION

Keep Reaching Out to Others

Thirty-two easy ways to keep reaching out to others after a rejection, so one door closing never stops you opening another.

Keep your heart open. Reach out in small ways.

28 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

28 tips that really help

These ideas come from Rejection Proof (Jia Jiang), Attached (Amir Levine and Rachel Heller), Daring Greatly (Brené Brown), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

After rejection, we want to hide

Hiding feels safe but deepens loneliness. Small, gentle reaching out keeps your social muscles strong.

TRY THIS
Reach out.

TIP 2

Start with someone safe

Message a friend who is warm to you. Begin where it is easy.

TRY THIS
Pick one.

TIP 3

Start small

A hello, a like or a short message. Small steps rebuild courage.

TRY THIS
Go small.

TIP 4

Keep a weekly routine

Set a rule: reach out to two people each week. Routines beat moods.

TRY THIS
Set it.

TIP 5

Say yes to invitations

Accept invitations even when tired. They build momentum.

TRY THIS
Say yes.

TIP 6

Try new places

Join a class or club. New people have no history with the old hurt.

TRY THIS
Explore.

TIP 7

Be warm in your tone

A smile and kind words attract kindness. Stay open.

TRY THIS
Smile.

TIP 8

Ask people about themselves

Curiosity makes connection easy. Ask and listen.

TRY THIS
Ask.

TIP 9

Offer help

Helping others shifts your focus and builds bonds. Volunteer.

TRY THIS
Help.

TIP 10

Do not make one person carry it all

Spread your connection across several friends. Balance.

TRY THIS
Widen.

TIP 11

Celebrate each attempt

Every message sent is brave. Tick it off.

TRY THIS
Celebrate.

TIP 12

Remember it is a numbers game

Not every attempt leads to friendship. Keep trying.

TRY THIS
Persist.

TIP 13

Script: reaching

Hi, how have you been? I was thinking of you. Say it warmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 14

Script: inviting

Fancy a walk this weekend, if you are free? Say it lightly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 15

Script: sharing

I really enjoyed our chat the other day. Say it kindly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 16

Script: thanking

Thanks for replying, it made my day. Say it sincerely.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 17

Script: closing

Let us do this again soon. Say it cheerfully.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 18

Mistake: hiding for weeks

Isolation grows, so take one small step.

TRY THIS
Reach out.

TIP 19

Mistake: expecting instant results

Friendship takes repeated contact, so be patient.

TRY THIS
Keep going.

TIP 20

Mistake: reaching out in a needy way

Neediness pushes people away, so stay light.

TRY THIS
Be easy.

TIP 21

Mistake: stopping after one failed attempt

One no is not the end, so try again.

TRY THIS
Retry.

TIP 22

Troubleshoot: when you feel too sad to reach out

Do the smallest thing, like sending a heart emoji. Tiny counts.

TRY THIS
Go tiny.

TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when nobody replies

Try different people or places. Some are slow to reply.

TRY THIS
Try again.

TIP 24

Troubleshoot: when you feel awkward

Remember most people are glad to hear from you. Send.

TRY THIS
Reach out.

TIP 25

Troubleshoot: when you are shy

Use text and voice notes before calls. Build gradually.

TRY THIS
Start easy.

TIP 26

Drill: reach out to two people

Send two warm messages this week. Track replies.

TRY THIS
Do it.

TIP 27

Drill: say yes to one invite

Say yes to one invitation this month. Go.

TRY THIS
Do it.

TIP 28

Drill: join one new activity

Join one new class or club. Attend three times.

TRY THIS
Join.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

REACH

“Hi, how are you?”

INVITE

“Fancy a walk this weekend?”

SHARE

“I enjoyed our chat.”

ASK

“Would you like to join us?”

THANK

“Thanks for replying.”

CLOSE

“Let us do it again.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Reach out to someone kind

DAY 2
Start small

DAY 3
Keep a routine

DAY 4
Try new places

DAY 5
Say yes to invitations

DAY 6
Be warm

DAY 7
Keep going

Further reading

• Rejection Proof (Jia Jiang)
• Attached (Amir Levine and Rachel Heller)
• Daring Greatly (Brené Brown)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.