Making Friends / How to Deal With Rejection / Lesson 33

LESSON 33 · HOW TO DEAL WITH REJECTION

Practise Being Rejected in Small Ways

Thirty-two easy ways to practise being rejected in small ways, so real rejection loses its power.

Practise the small to handle the big. Make noes ordinary.

28 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

28 tips that really help

These ideas come from Rejection Proof (Jia Jiang), Attached (Amir Levine and Rachel Heller), Daring Greatly (Brené Brown), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Why practise

Exposure to small noes teaches your brain that rejection is survivable. Your fear shrinks with each safe practice.

TRY THIS
Start small.

TIP 2

List small asks

Ask for a window seat, an extra napkin, a short discount. Low stakes, quick practice.

TRY THIS
List ten.

TIP 3

Pick one a day

Choose one ask each day for a week. Consistency builds courage.

TRY THIS
Ask daily.

TIP 4

Ask clearly and kindly

State what you want in one sentence. Politeness helps.

TRY THIS
Be clear.

TIP 5

Smile at a no

Say, no problem, thanks anyway. Smiling retrains your reaction.

TRY THIS
Smile.

TIP 6

Count your noes

Keep a tally. Celebrate each no as practice.

TRY THIS
Count.

TIP 7

Notice your feelings

Rate your nervousness before and after. See it fall.

TRY THIS
Rate it.

TIP 8

Reflect briefly

Note what happened and what you learned. Two lines are enough.

TRY THIS
Write.

TIP 9

Level up gradually

After a week, try slightly bolder asks. Growth lives at the edge.

TRY THIS
Step up.

TIP 10

Practise social asks

Ask to join a table or a conversation. Real-life practice.

TRY THIS
Try it.

TIP 11

Reward yourself

Treat yourself for each week of practice. Reinforce courage.

TRY THIS
Reward.

TIP 12

Script: asking

Could I please have a table by the window? Say it warmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 13

Script: trying

Would you mind if I joined you here? Say it kindly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 14

Script: accepting

No problem at all, thanks anyway. Say it easily.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 15

Script: counting

That was my third no today, I am getting good at this. Say it cheerfully.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 16

Script: closing

It is fine, rejection is just practice. Say it calmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 17

Mistake: asking harmful or rude things

Keep asks fair and polite, so be considerate.

TRY THIS
Be kind.

TIP 18

Mistake: skipping days

Gaps weaken practice, so do a mini ask.

TRY THIS
Ask something.

TIP 19

Mistake: jumping to huge asks

Big asks scare you off, so build up.

TRY THIS
Go gradually.

TIP 20

Mistake: forgetting to reflect

Reflection locks in learning, so jot notes.

TRY THIS
Write two lines.

TIP 21

Troubleshoot: when you get too many yeses

Ask for something a bit bolder. The aim is practice with no.

TRY THIS
Aim higher.

TIP 22

Troubleshoot: when fear is strong

Shrink the ask or practise with a friend first. Build up.

TRY THIS
Go smaller.

TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when you feel embarrassed

Remember most people forget quickly. Breathe and carry on.

TRY THIS
Relax.

TIP 24

Troubleshoot: when you run out of ideas

Search online for rejection practice ideas. Borrow freely.

TRY THIS
Look up.

TIP 25

Troubleshoot: when you stall

Ask for one thing right now. Momentum returns.

TRY THIS
Do one.

TIP 26

Drill: seven-day asks

Ask for one small thing each day for seven days. Tick them.

TRY THIS
Start.

TIP 27

Drill: make a no tally

Keep a tally of noes this month. Celebrate the total.

TRY THIS
Tally.

TIP 28

Drill: reflect weekly

Each Sunday write what you learned from your asks. Share one.

TRY THIS
Reflect.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

ASK

“Could I have a discount?”

TRY

“May I sit here?”

ACCEPT

“No problem at all.”

SMILE

“Thanks anyway.”

COUNT

“That was my third no today.”

CLOSE

“It is fine.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
List small asks

DAY 2
Pick one a day

DAY 3
Ask clearly

DAY 4
Smile at a no

DAY 5
Count your noes

DAY 6
Reflect

DAY 7
Level up

Further reading

• Rejection Proof (Jia Jiang)
• Attached (Amir Levine and Rachel Heller)
• Daring Greatly (Brené Brown)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.