Making Friends / How to Build Stronger Friendships / Lesson 30

LESSON 30 · HOW TO BUILD STRONGER FRIENDSHIPS

Share Inside Jokes and Rituals

Thirty-two easy ways to share inside jokes and rituals, the tiny treasures that make a friendship yours alone.

Little traditions are big love. Make your own.

25 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

25 tips that really help

These ideas come from Daring Greatly (Brené Brown), The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Inside jokes bond people

They show you share a world only you two know. Research links shared humour to closeness.

TRY THIS
Notice yours.

TIP 2

Notice funny moments

Pay attention to things that make you laugh together. They can become jokes.

TRY THIS
Notice.

TIP 3

Give them a name

Name the moment, like the pancake disaster. A name makes it a story.

TRY THIS
Name it.

TIP 4

Bring them back

Refer to the joke now and then. Repeating strengthens it.

TRY THIS
Repeat.

TIP 5

Create small rituals

A weekly walk, a Friday text or a special toast. Rituals make time special.

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Start one.

TIP 6

Mark seasons with rituals

A yearly picnic or birthday brunch. Repeated events become treasured.

TRY THIS
Plan one.

TIP 7

Use secret signals

A wink or a word that means something to you both. Cute and bonding.

TRY THIS
Create one.

TIP 8

Protect your private jokes

Do not use them to exclude others. Include or keep gentle.

TRY THIS
Be kind.

TIP 9

Share new moments

Keep adding. A friendship grows new jokes.

TRY THIS
Keep adding.

TIP 10

Record memories

Keep photos, notes or a shared album. Revisit.

TRY THIS
Save them.

TIP 11

Explain gently to others

If asked, share the story with a smile. Welcome others in.

TRY THIS
Be warm.

TIP 12

Script: recalling

Remember the pancake disaster? I still laugh about it. Say it brightly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 13

Script: ritual

Same table, same order, as always. Say it cheerfully.

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Use it.

TIP 14

Script: sharing

Only you would understand why this is funny. Say it warmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 15

Script: thanks

Thanks for always making me laugh. Say it sincerely.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 16

Script: closing

Here is to our little traditions. Say it happily.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 17

Mistake: forcing a ritual

Rituals should be natural, so let them grow.

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Relax.

TIP 18

Mistake: excluding others painfully

Be aware of others’ feelings, so be inclusive.

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Be considerate.

TIP 19

Troubleshoot: when you have no inside jokes yet

Create them by doing new things together. Time makes them.

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Wait.

TIP 20

Troubleshoot: when a joke stops working

Retire it kindly and make new ones. Life changes.

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Let go.

TIP 21

Troubleshoot: when one friend moves away

Keep rituals online: a weekly message or a shared playlist. Distance has options.

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Adapt.

TIP 22

Troubleshoot: when someone feels left out

Explain with a smile and include them. Share the fun.

TRY THIS
Include.

TIP 23

Drill: name a funny moment

Name a recent funny moment with a friend and use it. Smile.

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Do it.

TIP 24

Drill: start a ritual

Start a simple ritual with a friend this month. Keep it going.

TRY THIS
Start.

TIP 25

Drill: save memories

Start a shared photo album with a friend. Add one picture.

TRY THIS
Create.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

RECALL

“Remember the pancake disaster?”

RITUAL

“Same table, same order.”

JOKE

“Here comes the usual.”

SHARE

“Only we get this joke.”

THANK

“Thanks for always making me laugh.”

CLOSE

“Our little ritual again.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Notice funny moments

DAY 2
Name them

DAY 3
Repeat them

DAY 4
Create rituals

DAY 5
Protect them

DAY 6
Share lightly

DAY 7
Enjoy

Further reading

• Daring Greatly (Brené Brown)
• The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz)
• Platonic (Marisa Franco)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.