Be Easy to Be Around
Thirty-two easy ways to be easy to be around, the gentle qualities that make friends feel relaxed with you.
Easy friends are loved. Ease is a skill.
26 tips that really help
These ideas come from Daring Greatly (Brené Brown), The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
What easy means
Easy friends are calm, kind and flexible. They do not demand perfection or drama, and people relax around them.
Aim for that.
Be calm
Breathe slowly and keep your voice gentle. Calm is contagious.
Stay calm.
Be flexible
Adapt to plans without fuss. Flexibility lowers stress.
Be easygoing.
Be kind in small things
Hold a door, smile, offer tea. Little kindnesses make you easy to love.
Do one.
Be a good listener
Let others finish. Listening makes people feel at ease.
Listen.
Be low-drama
Avoid big reactions to small things. Save strong feelings for big matters.
Keep perspective.
Be cheerful
A warm tone and a smile lift a room. Share light moments.
Smile.
Be clear
Say what you want simply. Clear friends are easy to be with.
Be clear.
Be forgiving
Let small things go. Holding grudges makes you heavy.
Let go.
Be generous
Share, treat and help when you can. Generosity creates ease.
Give.
Script: smiling
It is so good to see you, how are you? Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: relaxing
No rush at all, take your time. Say it gently.
Use it.
Script: flexing
Whatever suits you works for me. Say it lightly.
Use it.
Script: simple
Let us keep it simple and just enjoy the day. Say it cheerfully.
Use it.
Script: closing
You make everything feel easy, thank you. Say it sincerely.
Use it.
Mistake: being a people-pleaser
Agreeing to everything is tiring and unclear, so be honest too.
Be real.
Mistake: complaining constantly
Constant complaints drain people, so balance with positives.
Be positive.
Mistake: being rigid
Insisting on one way creates tension, so be flexible.
Adapt.
Troubleshoot: when you are stressed
Tell friends you are stressed and ask for patience. Honest is easy too.
Be honest.
Troubleshoot: when you are anxious
Breathe, ground yourself and keep plans simple. Ease grows with calm.
Breathe.
Troubleshoot: when a friend is difficult
Stay calm, kind and clear. You can be easy and have limits.
Set limits.
Troubleshoot: when you feel you have to perform
Remember friends like the real you. Relax.
Be you.
Troubleshoot: when you are tired
Choose low-effort plans. Easy can be gentle.
Keep it simple.
Drill: practise a calm breath
Take three calm breaths before meeting a friend. Notice your ease.
Breathe.
Drill: say yes to a small change
Say yes to a friend’s small change of plan. Smile.
Try.
Drill: send a cheerful note
Send a cheerful message to a friend today. Keep it light.
Send.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“It is so good to see you.”
“No rush, take your time.”
“Whatever suits you.”
“Let us keep it simple.”
“Thanks for being so relaxed.”
“You make things easy.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Be calm
Be flexible
Be kind
Be a good listener
Be low-drama
Be cheerful
Be yourself
Further reading
- Daring Greatly (Brené Brown)
- The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz)
- Platonic (Marisa Franco)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “How to Build Stronger Friendships”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Give Honest Support, Not Empty PraiseNext: Share What You Really Feel →
- Trust: The Ground Everything Grows In
- Reliability: Do What You Say
- Honesty With Kindness
- Respect for Differences
- Shared Values and Shared Fun
- Mutual Effort
- Safety to Be Yourself
- Show Up When It Is Inconvenient
- Be Generous With Your Time
- Celebrate Their Success Without Envy
- Keep Their Secrets
- Say Thank You Often
- Give Honest Support, Not Empty Praise
- Be Easy to Be Around
- Share What You Really Feel
- Ask Better Questions About Their Life
- The Thirty-Six Questions That Build Closeness
- Tell Stories That Matter
- Be Vulnerable in Small Doses
- Receive Their Vulnerability Well
- Create Safe Space for Hard Topics
- What to Say to a Friend in Pain
- What Not to Say
- Show Up With Practical Help
- Check In After the Crisis
- Ask for Support Yourself
- Be Patient With Grief and Change
- Celebrate With Them After the Storm
- Plan Regular Fun Together
- Share Inside Jokes and Rituals
- Try New Adventures as Friends
- Take a Trip Together
- Laugh Often, Laugh Together
- Create Traditions
- Let Friends Change and Grow
- Be Their Cheerleader for Big Goals
- Talk About the Friendship Itself
- Forgive and Repair Quickly
- Keep Learning What Your Friend Needs
- Your Friendship Deepening Plan
