Reliability: Do What You Say
Thirty-two easy ways to do what you say, the quiet habit that makes you a friend people count on.
Reliable friends are rare and precious. Be one.
29 tips that really help
These ideas come from Daring Greatly (Brené Brown), The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Reliability is love in action
When you do what you say, people feel safe and valued. Reliability is quiet proof of care.
Be dependable.
Say yes carefully
Only agree when you can truly do it. A careful yes is better than a broken one.
Pause first.
Write it down
Put plans and promises in your calendar or notes. Memory can fail.
Write it.
Set reminders
Use alerts for important plans and tasks. Reminders protect your promises.
Set one.
Arrive on time
Aim to be a few minutes early. It shows you value their time.
Plan travel.
Reply to messages
Answer within a reasonable time. Silence feels like carelessness.
Reply.
Tell early if things change
Message as soon as you know you cannot make it. Early notice is a kindness.
Tell early.
Cancel rarely
Frequent cancelling shows low priority. Save cancels for real needs.
Keep plans.
Make it up when you slip
Apologise, offer to fix it and do so soon. Repair shows care.
Repair.
Be reliable in small things
Returning a book, sending a link or calling back all count. Small things add up.
Do the small.
Be reliable in big things
Show up for moves, illnesses and celebrations. Big moments are remembered.
Show up.
Say no when needed
Honest no is better than a yes you cannot keep. Be kind and clear.
Be honest.
Script: commit
I will be there at six, see you then. Say it firmly.
Use it.
Script: update
I am running ten minutes late, so sorry. Say it kindly.
Use it.
Script: cancel
I cannot make it tonight, I am so sorry, can we reschedule? Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: repair
Let me make it up to you, tea is on me. Say it lightly.
Use it.
Script: closing
You can count on me, always. Say it sincerely.
Use it.
Mistake: saying yes to please
It leads to broken promises, so be honest.
Be real.
Mistake: forgetting small promises
Small broken promises add up, so keep notes.
Write them.
Mistake: making excuses
Excuses weaken trust, so own it and fix it.
Own it.
Mistake: being reliable with others but not friends
Friends deserve the same care, so apply it to them.
Be consistent.
Troubleshoot: when you are forgetful
Use calendars, notes and alarms. Systems beat memory.
Use tools.
Troubleshoot: when you overcommit
List your promises, drop what you cannot do and tell people kindly. Reset.
Reduce.
Troubleshoot: when a friend is unreliable
Talk kindly about how it affects you and ask for a small change. Adjust expectations.
Speak kindly.
Troubleshoot: when life is chaotic
Promise less and keep every promise. Quality beats quantity.
Simplify.
Troubleshoot: when you have broken a promise
Apologise sincerely, explain briefly and make it right. Learn.
Repair.
Drill: promise audit
List promises you made this week and tick the kept ones. Fix any missed.
Audit.
Drill: set three reminders
Set three reminders for promises today. Act on each.
Set.
Drill: practise a kind no
Practise saying no kindly to something small. Notice relief.
Practise.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“I will be there at six.”
“I am running ten minutes late.”
“I cannot make it, I am sorry.”
“Let me make it up to you.”
“Thank you for being patient.”
“You can count on me.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Say yes carefully
Write it down
Set reminders
Arrive on time
Tell early if plans change
Make it up
Review
Further reading
- Daring Greatly (Brené Brown)
- The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz)
- Platonic (Marisa Franco)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “How to Build Stronger Friendships”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Trust: The Ground Everything Grows InNext: Honesty With Kindness →
- Trust: The Ground Everything Grows In
- Reliability: Do What You Say
- Honesty With Kindness
- Respect for Differences
- Shared Values and Shared Fun
- Mutual Effort
- Safety to Be Yourself
- Show Up When It Is Inconvenient
- Be Generous With Your Time
- Celebrate Their Success Without Envy
- Keep Their Secrets
- Say Thank You Often
- Give Honest Support, Not Empty Praise
- Be Easy to Be Around
- Share What You Really Feel
- Ask Better Questions About Their Life
- The Thirty-Six Questions That Build Closeness
- Tell Stories That Matter
- Be Vulnerable in Small Doses
- Receive Their Vulnerability Well
- Create Safe Space for Hard Topics
- What to Say to a Friend in Pain
- What Not to Say
- Show Up With Practical Help
- Check In After the Crisis
- Ask for Support Yourself
- Be Patient With Grief and Change
- Celebrate With Them After the Storm
- Plan Regular Fun Together
- Share Inside Jokes and Rituals
- Try New Adventures as Friends
- Take a Trip Together
- Laugh Often, Laugh Together
- Create Traditions
- Let Friends Change and Grow
- Be Their Cheerleader for Big Goals
- Talk About the Friendship Itself
- Forgive and Repair Quickly
- Keep Learning What Your Friend Needs
- Your Friendship Deepening Plan
