Give Honest Support, Not Empty Praise
Thirty-two easy ways to give honest support, not empty praise, so friends grow and trust your words.
Real support is specific. Kind and true together.
26 tips that really help
These ideas come from Daring Greatly (Brené Brown), The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Empty praise does not help
Saying everything is perfect feels nice for a moment but gives no real help. Honest, kind support builds trust.
Be real.
Listen first
Understand what they want: advice, comfort or cheering. Ask if unsure.
Ask.
Praise what is true
Find real strengths and name them. People can tell fake praise from real.
Be sincere.
Be specific
Say, I loved how you stayed calm in the meeting. Specific words help.
Be clear.
Share concerns kindly
Say, I wonder if this part might be tricky. Soft words keep ears open.
Be gentle.
Offer solutions or help
Ask, how can I help? Support is more than opinions.
Offer.
Back their effort
Praise hard work, not just results. It encourages growth.
Notice effort.
Believe in them
Say, I believe you can do this. Belief is powerful.
Say it.
Be honest about limits
If you cannot advise, say so and suggest someone who can. Honesty helps.
Be honest.
Do not flatter
Flattery is easy and shallow. Choose real words.
Skip flattery.
Respect their choice
After honest input, accept their decision. They run their life.
Respect it.
Script: support
I think you can do this, and I am here to help. Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: specific praise
I loved how calm you stayed during the talk. Say it sincerely.
Use it.
Script: gentle concern
I wonder if this part might be tricky, what do you think? Say it kindly.
Use it.
Script: offering
What help would be most useful right now? Say it gently.
Use it.
Script: closing
I am on your side, whatever you choose. Say it softly.
Use it.
Mistake: pushing your opinion
They decide, so offer and let go.
Offer.
Mistake: staying silent about real worries
Silence can harm them, so share kindly.
Speak kindly.
Troubleshoot: when they ask what you think and it is not good
Say what is good first, then one honest concern, then an offer to help. Gentle truth.
Balance.
Troubleshoot: when they get upset
Listen, apologise if you hurt them and clarify your care. Repair.
Stay calm.
Troubleshoot: when you do not know enough
Admit it and encourage them to ask an expert. Honest humility.
Be humble.
Troubleshoot: when they only want cheering
Cheer them. Not every moment needs advice.
Read the moment.
Troubleshoot: when you feel jealous
Notice it and offer support anyway. Do not let envy twist your advice.
Check yourself.
Drill: give one specific praise
Give a friend one specific praise today. Mean it.
Do it.
Drill: practise a soft concern
Write a soft way to share a concern. Say it aloud.
Practise.
Drill: ask what they need
Next time a friend shares news ask: advice, comfort or cheering? Listen.
Ask.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“I think you can do this.”
“I have a small worry about one part.”
“I love how you handled that.”
“What help would be most useful?”
“Thanks for trusting me with this.”
“I am on your side.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Listen first
Praise what is true
Be specific
Share honest concerns kindly
Offer help
Back their effort
Follow up
Further reading
- Daring Greatly (Brené Brown)
- The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz)
- Platonic (Marisa Franco)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “How to Build Stronger Friendships”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Say Thank You OftenNext: Be Easy to Be Around →
- Trust: The Ground Everything Grows In
- Reliability: Do What You Say
- Honesty With Kindness
- Respect for Differences
- Shared Values and Shared Fun
- Mutual Effort
- Safety to Be Yourself
- Show Up When It Is Inconvenient
- Be Generous With Your Time
- Celebrate Their Success Without Envy
- Keep Their Secrets
- Say Thank You Often
- Give Honest Support, Not Empty Praise
- Be Easy to Be Around
- Share What You Really Feel
- Ask Better Questions About Their Life
- The Thirty-Six Questions That Build Closeness
- Tell Stories That Matter
- Be Vulnerable in Small Doses
- Receive Their Vulnerability Well
- Create Safe Space for Hard Topics
- What to Say to a Friend in Pain
- What Not to Say
- Show Up With Practical Help
- Check In After the Crisis
- Ask for Support Yourself
- Be Patient With Grief and Change
- Celebrate With Them After the Storm
- Plan Regular Fun Together
- Share Inside Jokes and Rituals
- Try New Adventures as Friends
- Take a Trip Together
- Laugh Often, Laugh Together
- Create Traditions
- Let Friends Change and Grow
- Be Their Cheerleader for Big Goals
- Talk About the Friendship Itself
- Forgive and Repair Quickly
- Keep Learning What Your Friend Needs
- Your Friendship Deepening Plan
