Making Friends / How to Build Stronger Friendships / Lesson 12

LESSON 12 · HOW TO BUILD STRONGER FRIENDSHIPS

Say Thank You Often

Thirty-two easy ways to say thank you often, a tiny habit that makes friends feel loved.

Thanks is a magnet. Say it often.

29 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

29 tips that really help

These ideas come from Daring Greatly (Brené Brown), The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Gratitude strengthens bonds

People who feel appreciated give more and stay close. Regular thanks keeps friendships warm.

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Say it.

TIP 2

Notice kind things

Pay attention to what friends do, big or small. You cannot thank what you do not notice.

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Notice.

TIP 3

Say it in the moment

Thank them at once. Immediate thanks feels fresh.

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Say it now.

TIP 4

Be specific

Say, thank you for listening to me last night. Specific thanks feels real.

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Be specific.

TIP 5

Say what it meant

Add, it meant a lot to me. Feelings deepen thanks.

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Add it.

TIP 6

Say it in writing

A message or card can be kept. Written thanks lasts.

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Write one.

TIP 7

Say it in front of others

Praise a friend publicly. It honours them.

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Praise.

TIP 8

Thank for small things

A lift, a joke, a message. Small thanks build a warm habit.

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Thank small.

TIP 9

Thank their qualities

Say, I appreciate how kind you are. Appreciating who they are is powerful.

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Appreciate.

TIP 10

Return the favour

Show thanks with action: a treat, help or time. Balance feels good.

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Give back.

TIP 11

Keep a gratitude list

Write three things you appreciate about friends each week. Notice more.

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Write.

TIP 12

Say it often

Daily or weekly thanks keep goodwill high. Do not save it for big days.

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Repeat.

TIP 13

Script: thanking

Thank you so much for helping me today. Say it warmly.

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Use it.

TIP 14

Script: specific

Thank you for listening to me last night, it really helped. Say it sincerely.

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Use it.

TIP 15

Script: feeling

It meant more to me than you know. Say it gently.

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Use it.

TIP 16

Script: returning

Let me treat you to lunch next time. Say it cheerfully.

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Use it.

TIP 17

Script: closing

You are such a good friend, thank you. Say it softly.

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Use it.

TIP 18

Mistake: saying thanks without meaning it

Empty thanks feels flat, so be sincere.

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Mean it.

TIP 19

Mistake: waiting too long

Delayed thanks loses power, so thank quickly.

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Say it soon.

TIP 20

Mistake: assuming they know

People love to hear it, so say it.

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Say it.

TIP 21

Mistake: thanking and then complaining

Mixed messages confuse, so keep thanks pure.

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Keep it clean.

TIP 22

Mistake: over-thanking

Too much can feel awkward, so keep it warm and simple.

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Be simple.

TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when you feel shy

Write it or send a short text. Written thanks is easier.

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Write it.

TIP 24

Troubleshoot: when they brush it off

Smile and say, it truly mattered to me. Keep it warm.

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Stay warm.

TIP 25

Troubleshoot: when you have little to give back

Thanks and kindness are enough. Offer time or a note.

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Give what you can.

TIP 26

Troubleshoot: when culture limits thanks

Use actions and small gifts, if that suits. Respect local style.

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Adapt.

TIP 27

Drill: three thanks today

Thank three people for something specific today. Notice smiles.

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Do it.

TIP 28

Drill: write a thank-you card

Write one thank-you card this week and post it. Enjoy it.

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Write.

TIP 29

Drill: gratitude list

List five things friends did for you recently. Thank one.

TRY THIS
List.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

THANK

“Thank you so much for helping me.”

SPECIFIC

“I loved your advice about the job.”

FEELING

“It meant a lot to me.”

NOTE

“I wrote you a thank-you card.”

RETURN

“Let me treat you next time.”

CLOSE

“You are such a good friend.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Notice kindness

DAY 2
Say it in the moment

DAY 3
Be specific

DAY 4
Say it in writing

DAY 5
Say it publicly

DAY 6
Return the favour

DAY 7
Make it a habit

Further reading

• Daring Greatly (Brené Brown)
• The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz)
• Platonic (Marisa Franco)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.