Making Friends / How to Build Stronger Friendships / Lesson 40

LESSON 40 · HOW TO BUILD STRONGER FRIENDSHIPS

Your Friendship Deepening Plan

Thirty-two easy steps to build your friendship-deepening plan, a simple page that turns warm wishes into daily habits.

Depth grows with practice. A plan makes it easy.

27 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

27 tips that really help

These ideas come from Daring Greatly (Brené Brown), The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

A plan turns wishes into action

Deep friendships do not happen by chance. A simple plan keeps you doing small things that matter.

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Write one.

TIP 2

Choose three friends

Pick the friendships you most want to deepen. Focus beats scatter.

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Choose.

TIP 3

Pick a few habits

Examples: monthly real talk, weekly message, yearly trip, thank-you notes. Keep it small.

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Pick three.

TIP 4

Schedule them

Put dates in your calendar. Plans in calendars happen.

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Schedule.

TIP 5

Prepare gentle questions

Write ten questions for deeper chats. Keep them handy.

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Write.

TIP 6

Practise sharing

Share one real feeling with each friend each month. Small steps.

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Share.

TIP 7

Practise listening

Listen without advice once a week. It builds trust.

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Listen.

TIP 8

Show gratitude

Thank each friend for something specific each month. Gratitude deepens.

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Thank.

TIP 9

Plan joy

Plan a fun event each month. Joy fuels closeness.

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Plan.

TIP 10

Plan repair

Decide to repair quickly when hurt happens. Keep your promise.

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Commit.

TIP 11

Review quarterly

Every three months ask what worked and what to change. Adjust.

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Review.

TIP 12

Celebrate progress

Mark milestones: a year of the habit. Smile.

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Celebrate.

TIP 13

Script: goal

I want to deepen three friendships this year. Say it firmly.

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Use it.

TIP 14

Script: habit

I will have one real conversation with each of them every month. Say it clearly.

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Use it.

TIP 15

Script: asking

What would help you feel closer to me? Say it kindly.

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Use it.

TIP 16

Script: review

I will check in with my plan every three months. Say it calmly.

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Use it.

TIP 17

Script: closing

I love these friendships and I am growing them. Say it with a smile.

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Use it.

TIP 18

Mistake: making the plan too big

Big plans fade, so keep it light.

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Simplify.

TIP 19

Mistake: treating friends like projects

Warmth must stay real, so care first.

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Stay genuine.

TIP 20

Mistake: doing it alone

Share the plan with your friend, so involve them.

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Share it.

TIP 21

Troubleshoot: when life is busy

Cut to one habit per friend. Keep going.

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Shrink.

TIP 22

Troubleshoot: when a friend is not interested

Respect it and invest in friends who are. Not all will deepen.

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Accept.

TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when it feels forced

Pick activities you both love. Joy first.

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Choose joy.

TIP 24

Troubleshoot: when you feel awkward sharing

Start with small shares and be honest about awkwardness. It eases.

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Start small.

TIP 25

Drill: write your plan

Write your one-page friendship plan with three friends and three habits. Put it where you see it.

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Write.

TIP 26

Drill: schedule month one

Schedule your first month of habits now. Do the first.

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Schedule.

TIP 27

Drill: set a review date

Set a quarterly review date in your calendar. Keep it.

TRY THIS
Set it.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

GOAL

“I want to deepen three friendships this year.”

STEP

“I will have one real talk each month.”

ASK

“What would help you feel closer?”

REVIEW

“I will check in each quarter.”

THANK

“Thanks for growing with me.”

CLOSE

“I love these friendships.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Choose three friends

DAY 2
Pick a few habits

DAY 3
Schedule them

DAY 4
Prepare questions

DAY 5
Practise sharing

DAY 6
Review quarterly

DAY 7
Celebrate

Further reading

• Daring Greatly (Brené Brown)
• The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz)
• Platonic (Marisa Franco)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.