Be Generous With Your Time
Thirty-two easy ways to be generous with your time, the most valuable gift a friend can give.
Time is love made visible. Give it freely.
27 tips that really help
These ideas come from Daring Greatly (Brené Brown), The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Time is precious
Everyone is busy, so giving time is a strong sign of love. Even a small amount, given fully, means a lot.
Give some.
Notice free pockets
Find gaps in your week for a call, a walk or a visit. Small gaps add up.
Look for them.
Offer a specific hour
Say, I have an hour on Thursday, shall we meet? Specific offers are easy to accept.
Offer.
Be fully present
Put phones away and listen. An hour of full attention beats a day of half-attention.
Be present.
Do not rush
Avoid checking the clock. Unhurried time feels generous.
Slow down.
Visit in hard times
A visit when someone is ill or lonely is a treasure. Short is fine.
Visit.
Help with tasks
Moving, painting, shopping or admin. Practical time helps.
Offer.
Share your skills
Teach, advise or fix something. Skills are gifts of time.
Share.
Give time to the small things
Listen to a story, look at photos, read a message fully. Small time matters.
Notice.
Set boundaries too
Give within your limits. Generous does not mean exhausted.
Protect yourself.
Respect their time
Do not overstay or overbook. Respect is generosity.
Be considerate.
Enjoy giving
Notice how good it feels. Joy sustains generosity.
Smile.
Script: offering
I have an hour on Thursday, shall we meet? Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: listening
Take as long as you need, I am not in a hurry. Say it gently.
Use it.
Script: visiting
Shall I pop round for a short visit tomorrow? Say it kindly.
Use it.
Script: helping
I can give you a hand with the move on Saturday. Say it cheerfully.
Use it.
Script: closing
I am so glad we spent today together. Say it sincerely.
Use it.
Mistake: giving time but being distracted
Distracted time feels empty, so be fully there.
Focus.
Mistake: saying I am too busy always
Busy becomes a habit, so schedule time for friends.
Plan.
Mistake: giving time with resentment
Resentment spoils the gift, so only give what you can happily.
Be honest.
Troubleshoot: when your diary is full
Replace one low-value item with friend time. Or offer a short call.
Make room.
Troubleshoot: when you live far apart
Give time by video, voice notes or planned visits. Make it count.
Plan.
Troubleshoot: when a friend asks too much
Set a kind limit: I can give an hour, not a day. Be clear.
Set limits.
Troubleshoot: when you are tired
Offer a lighter way like a short call or a walk. Quality over length.
Go light.
Drill: block a friend hour
Block one hour in your week for a friend. Protect it.
Block it.
Drill: give full attention
Spend ten minutes with a friend with no phone. Notice the difference.
Try it.
Drill: offer practical help
Offer help with one task this month. Do it.
Offer.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“I have an hour free if you do.”
“Take as long as you need.”
“Shall I pop round?”
“I can give you a hand.”
“Thanks for your time too.”
“I am glad we spent today together.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Notice free moments
Offer an hour
Be fully present
Do not rush
Choose quality
Protect their time too
Enjoy giving
Further reading
- Daring Greatly (Brené Brown)
- The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz)
- Platonic (Marisa Franco)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “How to Build Stronger Friendships”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Show Up When It Is InconvenientNext: Celebrate Their Success Without Envy →
- Trust: The Ground Everything Grows In
- Reliability: Do What You Say
- Honesty With Kindness
- Respect for Differences
- Shared Values and Shared Fun
- Mutual Effort
- Safety to Be Yourself
- Show Up When It Is Inconvenient
- Be Generous With Your Time
- Celebrate Their Success Without Envy
- Keep Their Secrets
- Say Thank You Often
- Give Honest Support, Not Empty Praise
- Be Easy to Be Around
- Share What You Really Feel
- Ask Better Questions About Their Life
- The Thirty-Six Questions That Build Closeness
- Tell Stories That Matter
- Be Vulnerable in Small Doses
- Receive Their Vulnerability Well
- Create Safe Space for Hard Topics
- What to Say to a Friend in Pain
- What Not to Say
- Show Up With Practical Help
- Check In After the Crisis
- Ask for Support Yourself
- Be Patient With Grief and Change
- Celebrate With Them After the Storm
- Plan Regular Fun Together
- Share Inside Jokes and Rituals
- Try New Adventures as Friends
- Take a Trip Together
- Laugh Often, Laugh Together
- Create Traditions
- Let Friends Change and Grow
- Be Their Cheerleader for Big Goals
- Talk About the Friendship Itself
- Forgive and Repair Quickly
- Keep Learning What Your Friend Needs
- Your Friendship Deepening Plan
