Show Up With Practical Help
Thirty-two easy ways to show up with practical help, because love is often a meal, a lift or a clean kitchen.
Action speaks. Do something small and real.
27 tips that really help
These ideas come from Daring Greatly (Brené Brown), The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Practical help matters
In hard times, people need meals, rides and clean homes more than speeches. Practical help is love in action.
Offer it.
Ask what is hardest
Say, what is the hardest part of your week? Tailor your help.
Ask.
Offer specific tasks
Can I bring dinner Thursday? Can I do your shopping? Specific offers are easy to accept.
Be specific.
Meals
Bring a simple meal in a container they do not need to return. Think of allergies.
Cook.
Lifts
Offer to drive them to appointments or the school run. Time and car are gifts.
Drive.
Chores
Do laundry, wash up, tidy or garden. Chores free energy.
Tidy up.
Childcare
Take children out for an afternoon. Parents get rest.
Offer.
Pet care
Walk the dog or feed the cat. Pets need care too.
Help.
Admin help
Help fill forms, make calls or search for services. Admin can feel heavy.
Help.
Company
Sit with them or watch a film. Presence helps.
Sit.
Respect privacy
Do not take over or judge their home. Ask before touching things.
Respect.
Repeat over time
Help for weeks, not only days. Many people forget after the first week.
Continue.
Script: offering
Can I bring dinner on Thursday evening? Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: asking
What is the hardest part of your week right now? Say it gently.
Use it.
Script: doing
I will walk the dog for you tomorrow morning. Say it kindly.
Use it.
Script: respect
Tell me if I am in the way or if I should go. Say it softly.
Use it.
Script: closing
I am glad to help, and I can come again next week. Say it sincerely.
Use it.
Mistake: saying let me know
It puts the burden on them, so offer specifics.
Be specific.
Mistake: helping beyond your limits
Burnout does not help anyone, so set limits.
Pace yourself.
Troubleshoot: when they refuse help
Say, the offer stands, and leave a small gift. Try again later.
Be patient.
Troubleshoot: when you live far away
Send food delivery, gift cards or arrange local help. Distance has options.
Be creative.
Troubleshoot: when you lack time
Pick one small task like a meal. Even one helps.
Do one.
Troubleshoot: when you lack money
Offer time and skills: cleaning, rides, listening. They are valuable.
Give time.
Troubleshoot: when they feel guilty receiving
Say, I am happy to help, you would do the same. Reassure.
Reassure.
Drill: offer one meal
Offer one meal or errand to a friend this month. Do it.
Offer.
Drill: list five ways to help
List five practical ways to help a friend in need. Keep it handy.
List.
Drill: set a reminder to check in
Set weekly reminders to help a friend in a long crisis. Follow them.
Set.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“Can I bring dinner on Thursday?”
“What is the hardest part of your week?”
“I will walk the dog for you.”
“Tell me if I am in the way.”
“Thanks for letting me help.”
“I am here again next week.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Ask what is hard
Offer specifically
Pick a task
Do it well
Respect privacy
Repeat
Rest yourself
Further reading
- Daring Greatly (Brené Brown)
- The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz)
- Platonic (Marisa Franco)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “How to Build Stronger Friendships”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: What Not to SayNext: Check In After the Crisis →
- Trust: The Ground Everything Grows In
- Reliability: Do What You Say
- Honesty With Kindness
- Respect for Differences
- Shared Values and Shared Fun
- Mutual Effort
- Safety to Be Yourself
- Show Up When It Is Inconvenient
- Be Generous With Your Time
- Celebrate Their Success Without Envy
- Keep Their Secrets
- Say Thank You Often
- Give Honest Support, Not Empty Praise
- Be Easy to Be Around
- Share What You Really Feel
- Ask Better Questions About Their Life
- The Thirty-Six Questions That Build Closeness
- Tell Stories That Matter
- Be Vulnerable in Small Doses
- Receive Their Vulnerability Well
- Create Safe Space for Hard Topics
- What to Say to a Friend in Pain
- What Not to Say
- Show Up With Practical Help
- Check In After the Crisis
- Ask for Support Yourself
- Be Patient With Grief and Change
- Celebrate With Them After the Storm
- Plan Regular Fun Together
- Share Inside Jokes and Rituals
- Try New Adventures as Friends
- Take a Trip Together
- Laugh Often, Laugh Together
- Create Traditions
- Let Friends Change and Grow
- Be Their Cheerleader for Big Goals
- Talk About the Friendship Itself
- Forgive and Repair Quickly
- Keep Learning What Your Friend Needs
- Your Friendship Deepening Plan
