Making Friends / How to Build Stronger Friendships / Lesson 05

LESSON 05 · HOW TO BUILD STRONGER FRIENDSHIPS

Shared Values and Shared Fun

Thirty-two easy ways to share values and fun, the two ingredients that make friendships feel strong and joyful.

Values give depth. Fun gives life.

29 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

29 tips that really help

These ideas come from Daring Greatly (Brené Brown), The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Strong friendships have both

Shared values make friends feel safe and understood. Shared fun makes time together something to look forward to.

TRY THIS
Seek both.

TIP 2

Know your own values

Write five things you care about, such as kindness, honesty or family. Knowing yourself helps you choose friends.

TRY THIS
Write five.

TIP 3

Notice theirs

Listen to what they care about and how they treat people. Values show in actions.

TRY THIS
Observe.

TIP 4

Find the overlap

You do not need identical values. A few shared ones are enough.

TRY THIS
Look for them.

TIP 5

Talk about what matters

Ask, what matters most to you right now? Real talk deepens bonds.

TRY THIS
Ask.

TIP 6

Respect differences

Some values will differ. Respect them kindly.

TRY THIS
Stay open.

TIP 7

Plan joyful things

Choose activities you both love. Fun creates memories.

TRY THIS
Plan one.

TIP 8

Try new things together

Novelty creates excitement and bonds. Try a class or a new place.

TRY THIS
Try one.

TIP 9

Laugh often

Shared laughter builds closeness fast. Make time for silly moments.

TRY THIS
Laugh.

TIP 10

Create rituals

Weekly walks, monthly dinners or yearly trips. Rituals make joy dependable.

TRY THIS
Start one.

TIP 11

Support each other’s values

Celebrate when your friend lives by their values. Encouragement matters.

TRY THIS
Encourage.

TIP 12

Balance serious and fun

Mix deep chats with play. Both are needed.

TRY THIS
Balance.

TIP 13

Review what you share

Notice what you love doing together and do more. Repeat joy.

TRY THIS
Review.

TIP 14

Script: values

What matters most to you in life right now? Say it with interest.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 15

Script: plan

Let us do something we both love this weekend. Say it brightly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 16

Script: admire

I admire how kind you are to everyone. Say it sincerely.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 17

Script: fun

That was hilarious, I needed that laugh. Say it cheerfully.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 18

Script: closing

Thanks for the fun day, we make a good team. Say it warmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 19

Mistake: only fun with no depth

Friendship needs both, so share real talk sometimes.

TRY THIS
Go deeper.

TIP 20

Mistake: pretending to share values

Fake agreement harms trust, so be honest.

TRY THIS
Be real.

TIP 21

Mistake: judging their values

Judging pushes people away, so be curious.

TRY THIS
Be open.

TIP 22

Troubleshoot: when values clash

Talk calmly, find what you share and accept the rest. Decide how close to stay.

TRY THIS
Stay respectful.

TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when you have different humour

Find common funny things like animals and food. Laugh gently.

TRY THIS
Find overlap.

TIP 24

Troubleshoot: when you have little in common

Try new activities together and look for small joys. Closeness can grow.

TRY THIS
Experiment.

TIP 25

Troubleshoot: when fun costs too much

Plan low-cost joy like walks, picnics and games. Fun is free.

TRY THIS
Go cheap.

TIP 26

Troubleshoot: when you are too busy for fun

Schedule short joyful times, even twenty minutes. Joy is vital.

TRY THIS
Schedule it.

TIP 27

Drill: write your five values

Write your five values and share one with a friend. Listen to theirs.

TRY THIS
Write.

TIP 28

Drill: plan one joyful thing

Plan one joyful thing with a friend this week. Do it.

TRY THIS
Plan.

TIP 29

Drill: laugh list

List ten things that make you and a friend laugh. Do one.

TRY THIS
List.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

SHARE

“What matters most to you?”

PLAN

“Let us do something we both love.”

LAUGH

“That was hilarious.”

VALUE

“I admire how you treat people.”

THANK

“Thanks for the fun day.”

CLOSE

“We make a good team.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Know your values

DAY 2
Notice theirs

DAY 3
Find overlap

DAY 4
Plan joyful things

DAY 5
Support each other’s values

DAY 6
Laugh together

DAY 7
Review

Further reading

• Daring Greatly (Brené Brown)
• The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz)
• Platonic (Marisa Franco)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

← All How to Build Stronger Friendships lessons

Next lesson: Mutual Effort →

These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.