Make Plans Far Ahead
Thirty-two easy ways to make plans far ahead, because dates in the calendar turn good wishes into real memories.
Plans made early actually happen. Look ahead together.
30 tips that really help
These ideas come from Friends (Robin Dunbar), Platonic (Marisa Franco), Together (Vivek Murthy), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Why plan ahead
Busy adults need notice. Plans made weeks or months ahead have a much better chance of happening.
Plan early.
Pick an occasion
A birthday, a season, a festival or a trip. Having a reason helps.
Choose one.
Pick a date
Look at both calendars and choose a day. Offer two or three options.
Pick one.
Invite early
Ask many weeks ahead for big plans. Early invites get yes.
Invite.
Add to calendars at once
Both of you put it in the calendar immediately. Do not leave it for later.
Add it.
Book places or tickets
Reserve venues and tickets early. Committed plans are harder to drop.
Book it.
Make a small plan too
Alongside big plans keep small regular ones like monthly coffee. Both matter.
Add small.
Send reminders
A week before and a day before. Friendly reminders help.
Remind.
Share costs fairly
Agree on costs early. Clear money talk avoids tension.
Be clear.
Have a Plan B
If dates change, have another option. Flexibility reduces stress.
Prepare.
Create traditions
Annual events like a birthday brunch or a summer trip become treasured. Traditions build bonds.
Start one.
Look forward together
Chat about the plan to build excitement. Anticipation is joyful.
Share excitement.
Script: inviting
Let us book a weekend away in June, what do you think? Say it brightly.
Use it.
Script: saving the date
Please save the date, it will be so much fun. Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: confirming
I put it in my calendar, so we are set. Say it cheerfully.
Use it.
Script: reminding
Just a reminder that we are meeting on Saturday at ten. Say it lightly.
Use it.
Script: closing
Thanks for planning with me, I cannot wait. Say it sincerely.
Use it.
Mistake: planning too vaguely
Vague plans fade, so name a date.
Be specific.
Mistake: overbooking
Too many plans exhaust, so choose a few meaningful ones.
Pace yourself.
Mistake: not telling your friend the cost
Hidden costs cause stress, so be open.
Be upfront.
Mistake: forgetting to confirm
Details slip, so confirm closer to the date.
Confirm.
Mistake: cancelling casually
Cancelling hurts trust, so only change plans for real reasons.
Be reliable.
Troubleshoot: when plans clash
Offer another date soon and apologise once. Keep the energy.
Reschedule.
Troubleshoot: when money is tight
Plan low-cost options like picnics and walks. Fun need not be costly.
Go simple.
Troubleshoot: when friends are slow to decide
Offer two options with a deadline. Gentle leadership helps.
Lead kindly.
Troubleshoot: when travel is hard
Meet halfway or use video. Creative plans work.
Be creative.
Troubleshoot: when plans get cancelled
Stay kind, plan a new date and avoid blame. Life happens.
Be gracious.
Drill: plan one far-ahead event
Plan one event at least two months away with a friend. Book it.
Do it.
Drill: create a tradition
Choose a yearly tradition with a friend, like a birthday lunch. Propose it.
Propose.
Drill: use the calendar together
Share a calendar entry with a friend and add notes. See the ease.
Try it.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“Let us book a weekend away in June.”
“Please save the date.”
“I put it in my calendar.”
“A reminder, we are meeting soon.”
“Thanks for planning with me.”
“I can not wait.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Pick an occasion
Pick a date
Invite early
Add to calendars
Book places
Send reminders
Enjoy
Further reading
- Friends (Robin Dunbar)
- Platonic (Marisa Franco)
- Together (Vivek Murthy)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “How Often to Contact Someone”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Friendships With Different SchedulesNext: Forgive Gaps and Move On →
- Why Friendship Has a Rhythm
- How Often Is Too Often?
- How Rare Is Too Rare?
- The Friendship Layers: Close, Good and Casual
- Match Their Energy, Then Add a Little
- Quality Beats Quantity
- Let the Friendship Set the Pace
- The Weekly Touch for Close Friends
- The Monthly Check-In for Good Friends
- The Twice-a-Year Hello for Casual Friends
- Birthdays, Holidays and Milestones
- Keep a Friendship Calendar
- The Five-Minute Daily Habit
- Use Reminders Without Feeling Fake
- Signs They Enjoy Hearing From You
- Signs You Are Messaging Too Much
- Signs They Need Space
- Respect Their Busy Seasons
- Notice Reply Time and Tone
- Ask What Works for Them
- Never Keep Score Aggressively
- When a Text Is Enough
- When a Call Beats a Message
- The Joy of a Surprise Visit
- Group Chats Without Chaos
- Share a Meme, Make a Memory
- Voice Notes for Busy People
- Video Calls for Long Distance
- When You Always Reach Out First
- When Someone Reaches Out Too Much
- Talk About It Kindly
- Reset a Lopsided Friendship
- When a Friend Is Struggling
- When You Are Struggling
- Friendships Through Busy Seasons
- Friendships Through Moves and Changes
- Friendships With Different Schedules
- Make Plans Far Ahead
- Forgive Gaps and Move On
- Your Contact Rhythm Plan
