The Twice-a-Year Hello for Casual Friends
Thirty-two easy ways to send the twice-a-year hello, a simple habit that keeps casual friends warm.
Casual friends are valuable. A little contact goes a long way.
29 tips that really help
These ideas come from Friends (Robin Dunbar), Platonic (Marisa Franco), Together (Vivek Murthy), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Why twice a year
Casual friends need only a light touch. Two hellos a year keep the door open without much time.
Try it.
Who counts as casual
Neighbours, old workmates, school friends and friendly acquaintances. They are part of your community.
List them.
Pick two dates
Choose times like spring and the end of the year. Easy to remember.
Choose.
Use natural hooks
Holidays, seasons and birthdays are easy reasons to say hello.
Use hooks.
Write a short hello
Two lines are enough. Warm and light.
Keep it short.
Add a personal detail
Mention a past chat or shared place. It shows you remember.
Add one.
Ask a gentle question
How have you been? Easy to answer.
Ask.
Use social media wisely
A comment on a post counts as a hello. Add a few kind words.
Comment.
Send a card
A holiday card is a lovely twice-a-year touch. Add a line.
Send one.
Log your hellos
Note the date. You will see who is due.
Log.
Invite them sometimes
If the reply is warm, invite them to an event or coffee. Let it grow.
Offer.
Script: hello
Hi, it has been a while, and I hope you are well. Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: detail
I remembered our chat about gardening and smiled. Say it brightly.
Use it.
Script: wish
Hope you have a lovely summer and a relaxed break. Say it kindly.
Use it.
Script: plan
Let us catch up when we can, no rush at all. Say it lightly.
Use it.
Script: closing
Take care, and thanks for replying. Say it sincerely.
Use it.
Mistake: only contacting when you need something
Favour-only messages feel cold, so also send warm hellos.
Be genuine.
Mistake: writing long messages to casual friends
Long messages feel heavy, so keep it short.
Trim.
Mistake: forgetting them altogether
Without any contact, casual friendships vanish, so keep two touches a year.
Set a reminder.
Mistake: expecting a big reply
A short reply is fine, so enjoy it.
Be easy.
Mistake: pushing for closeness
Let casual friends stay casual if they wish.
Respect it.
Troubleshoot: when you do not know what to say
Use a seasonal greeting. Simple is fine.
Keep it simple.
Troubleshoot: when it has been years
Say, it has been a while, and I thought of you. Honest and warm.
Be warm.
Troubleshoot: when they do not reply
Do not take it personally. Try again next year.
Let it be.
Troubleshoot: when you have a big list
Send to a few each season. Spread it.
Spread out.
Troubleshoot: when you feel awkward
Remember you are being kind, not strange. Send.
Reach out.
Drill: list ten casual friends
Write ten names and one fact each. Send two hellos this week.
List.
Drill: set two calendar dates
Put two hello dates in your calendar this year. Label them.
Schedule.
Drill: write a seasonal message
Write a short seasonal hello template. Save it.
Write.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“Hi, it has been a while, how are you?”
“I remembered our chat about gardening.”
“Hope you have a lovely summer.”
“Let us catch up when we can.”
“Thanks for replying.”
“Take care.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
List casual friends
Pick two dates
Write a short hello
Add a detail
Send
Log it
Enjoy the reply
Further reading
- Friends (Robin Dunbar)
- Platonic (Marisa Franco)
- Together (Vivek Murthy)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “How Often to Contact Someone”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: The Monthly Check-In for Good FriendsNext: Birthdays, Holidays and Milestones →
- Why Friendship Has a Rhythm
- How Often Is Too Often?
- How Rare Is Too Rare?
- The Friendship Layers: Close, Good and Casual
- Match Their Energy, Then Add a Little
- Quality Beats Quantity
- Let the Friendship Set the Pace
- The Weekly Touch for Close Friends
- The Monthly Check-In for Good Friends
- The Twice-a-Year Hello for Casual Friends
- Birthdays, Holidays and Milestones
- Keep a Friendship Calendar
- The Five-Minute Daily Habit
- Use Reminders Without Feeling Fake
- Signs They Enjoy Hearing From You
- Signs You Are Messaging Too Much
- Signs They Need Space
- Respect Their Busy Seasons
- Notice Reply Time and Tone
- Ask What Works for Them
- Never Keep Score Aggressively
- When a Text Is Enough
- When a Call Beats a Message
- The Joy of a Surprise Visit
- Group Chats Without Chaos
- Share a Meme, Make a Memory
- Voice Notes for Busy People
- Video Calls for Long Distance
- When You Always Reach Out First
- When Someone Reaches Out Too Much
- Talk About It Kindly
- Reset a Lopsided Friendship
- When a Friend Is Struggling
- When You Are Struggling
- Friendships Through Busy Seasons
- Friendships Through Moves and Changes
- Friendships With Different Schedules
- Make Plans Far Ahead
- Forgive Gaps and Move On
- Your Contact Rhythm Plan
