Making Friends / How Often to Contact Someone / Lesson 34

LESSON 34 · HOW OFTEN TO CONTACT SOMEONE

When You Are Struggling

Thirty-two easy ways to cope when you are the one struggling, so friendships stay strong in hard times.

It is okay to need people. Let them in a little.

29 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

29 tips that really help

These ideas come from Friends (Robin Dunbar), Platonic (Marisa Franco), Together (Vivek Murthy), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

You are not a burden

Most friends want to help. Letting them in strengthens bonds.

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Be brave.

TIP 2

Tell one person first

Choose a safe, kind friend. One is enough to start.

TRY THIS
Choose one.

TIP 3

Be honest in simple words

Say, I am having a hard time right now. Short and true.

TRY THIS
Say it.

TIP 4

Ask for what you need

Company, a walk, a call or space. Clear asks help friends help.

TRY THIS
Name it.

TIP 5

Set limits

You can say, I may reply slowly, please do not worry. Limits protect you.

TRY THIS
Set them.

TIP 6

Keep a light thread

A heart or thanks keeps friendships alive when you are quiet.

TRY THIS
Send small.

TIP 7

Accept help

Let people bring meals or sit with you. Receiving is a gift to them.

TRY THIS
Receive.

TIP 8

Be patient with their reactions

Friends may say awkward things. Most mean well.

TRY THIS
Forgive.

TIP 9

Look for professional help

Therapists, doctors and helplines are for this. Reach out.

TRY THIS
Seek help.

TIP 10

Take small steps

Walk, wash, eat, rest. Tiny actions help.

TRY THIS
Do one.

TIP 11

Thank them

A simple thank-you keeps the bond warm.

TRY THIS
Thank.

TIP 12

Return the care later

When you feel better, support them too. Friendship is two-way.

TRY THIS
Give back.

TIP 13

Script: honest

I am having a hard time at the moment. Say it softly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 14

Script: asking

Could we talk for a bit, or could you just keep me company? Say it gently.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 15

Script: limit

I may reply slowly, please do not worry about me. Say it kindly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 16

Script: thanks

Thank you for being so patient with me. Say it sincerely.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 17

Script: closing

I appreciate you more than I can say. Say it warmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 18

Mistake: hiding completely

Isolation makes it worse, so let someone in.

TRY THIS
Reach out.

TIP 19

Mistake: expecting friends to guess

They cannot read minds, so say what you need.

TRY THIS
Speak.

TIP 20

Mistake: pushing everyone away

It deepens loneliness, so keep one door open.

TRY THIS
Keep one.

TIP 21

Mistake: apologising for needing help

You deserve help, so say thanks instead.

TRY THIS
Thank.

TIP 22

Troubleshoot: when you cannot speak

Send a short text: I am struggling, can you check on me? Even that is enough.

TRY THIS
Text.

TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when friends do not know what to say

Tell them what helps. Be kind about clumsy words.

TRY THIS
Guide them.

TIP 24

Troubleshoot: when you feel unsafe

Contact emergency services or a crisis line right away. Your life matters.

TRY THIS
Get help now.

TIP 25

Troubleshoot: when friends are busy

Ask professionals, support groups or community services. Many are free.

TRY THIS
Look wider.

TIP 26

Troubleshoot: when you feel guilty

You are not a burden. Take care and thank people.

TRY THIS
Be kind.

TIP 27

Drill: write your help list

List three people and three kinds of help you could ask. Keep it.

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List.

TIP 28

Drill: send one honest text

Send one honest text to a trusted friend. Notice the response.

TRY THIS
Try.

TIP 29

Drill: find a support resource

Look up a helpline or counsellor near you. Save the details.

TRY THIS
Search.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

HONEST

“I am having a hard time.”

ASK

“Could we talk for a bit?”

LIMIT

“I may reply slowly.”

NEED

“I would love company.”

THANK

“Thank you for being patient.”

CLOSE

“I appreciate you.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Tell one person

DAY 2
Be honest

DAY 3
Ask for what you need

DAY 4
Set limits

DAY 5
Keep a light thread

DAY 6
Look for professional help

DAY 7
Thank them

Further reading

• Friends (Robin Dunbar)
• Platonic (Marisa Franco)
• Together (Vivek Murthy)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.