Home / Making Friends / How Often to Contact Someone
Stay in Touch Without Being Too Much.
40 lessons · 6 themes · practical tips in every lesson
Find the healthy rhythm of messages, calls and meet-ups for every kind of friendship.
THEME 1 · 7 LESSONS
Find the Right Rhythm
There is no single rule, but there are guides.
LESSON 01
Why Friendship Has a Rhythm
LESSON 02
How Often Is Too Often?
LESSON 03
How Rare Is Too Rare?
LESSON 04
The Friendship Layers: Close, Good and Casual
LESSON 05
Match Their Energy, Then Add a Little
LESSON 06
Quality Beats Quantity
LESSON 07
Let the Friendship Set the Pace
THEME 2 · 7 LESSONS
A Simple Contact Plan
Easy rules to keep connection alive.
LESSON 08
The Weekly Touch for Close Friends
LESSON 09
The Monthly Check-In for Good Friends
LESSON 10
The Twice-a-Year Hello for Casual Friends
LESSON 11
Birthdays, Holidays and Milestones
LESSON 12
Keep a Friendship Calendar
LESSON 13
The Five-Minute Daily Habit
LESSON 14
Use Reminders Without Feeling Fake
THEME 3 · 7 LESSONS
Read the Signals
Notice how the other person feels.
LESSON 15
Signs They Enjoy Hearing From You
LESSON 16
Signs You Are Messaging Too Much
LESSON 17
Signs They Need Space
LESSON 18
Respect Their Busy Seasons
LESSON 19
Notice Reply Time and Tone
LESSON 20
Ask What Works for Them
LESSON 21
Never Keep Score Aggressively
THEME 4 · 7 LESSONS
Choose the Best Way to Connect
Text, call, visit or share.
LESSON 22
When a Text Is Enough
LESSON 23
When a Call Beats a Message
LESSON 24
The Joy of a Surprise Visit
LESSON 25
Group Chats Without Chaos
LESSON 26
Share a Meme, Make a Memory
LESSON 27
Voice Notes for Busy People
LESSON 28
Video Calls for Long Distance
THEME 5 · 6 LESSONS
Handle Imbalances
When one person does all the reaching out.
LESSON 29
When You Always Reach Out First
LESSON 30
When Someone Reaches Out Too Much
LESSON 31
Talk About It Kindly
LESSON 32
Reset a Lopsided Friendship
LESSON 33
When a Friend Is Struggling
LESSON 34
When You Are Struggling
THEME 6 · 6 LESSONS
Keep Friendships Healthy Over Time
Adapt as life changes.
LESSON 35
Friendships Through Busy Seasons
LESSON 36
Friendships Through Moves and Changes
LESSON 37
Friendships With Different Schedules
LESSON 38
Make Plans Far Ahead
LESSON 39
Forgive Gaps and Move On
LESSON 40
Your Contact Rhythm Plan
Ideas in this topic come from
- Friends (Robin Dunbar)
- Platonic (Marisa Franco)
- Together (Vivek Murthy)
- Digital Minimalism (Cal Newport)
- The Good Life (Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz)
Tips are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
