Your Contact Rhythm Plan
Thirty-two easy steps to make your own contact rhythm plan, a simple page that keeps every friendship fed.
A plan makes it easy. Keep it light and kind.
28 tips that really help
These ideas come from Friends (Robin Dunbar), Platonic (Marisa Franco), Together (Vivek Murthy), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Why a plan
Good friends do not keep themselves. A simple rhythm plan turns care into habit without becoming a chore.
Write one.
List your friends
Write the names of people you care about. Aim for twenty to thirty.
List them.
Group them in three layers
Close, good and casual. Mark each name.
Group them.
Set a rhythm for each layer
Close weekly, good monthly, casual twice a year. Adjust to your life.
Set it.
Choose your tools
A notes app, a calendar and a few reminders are enough. Keep tools simple.
Choose.
Add key dates
Birthdays and milestones in your calendar with alerts.
Add them.
Set weekly reminders
Name two or three people to contact each week.
Set it.
Prepare message lines
Write ten short messages you can edit. They save time.
Write.
Plan meet-ups
Aim for at least one meet-up a month with someone. Book ahead.
Book it.
Mix the methods
Texts, voice notes, calls, cards and visits. Variety keeps things fresh.
Vary.
Review monthly
Look at who you contacted. Adjust your list and rhythms.
Review.
Celebrate and adjust
Enjoy your connections. Change the plan when life changes.
Celebrate.
Script: weekly
I will message two close friends each week. Say it firmly.
Use it.
Script: monthly
I will call one good friend each month. Say it clearly.
Use it.
Script: dates
I will mark birthdays in my calendar with an alert. Say it calmly.
Use it.
Script: review
I will review my list every first Sunday. Say it kindly.
Use it.
Script: closing
My plan helps me care for the people I love. Say it with pride.
Use it.
Mistake: making the plan too heavy
Heavy plans get abandoned, so keep it light.
Simplify.
Mistake: treating friends as tasks
Warmth must be real, so use the plan to care.
Stay genuine.
Mistake: ignoring close friends because of the plan
Close friends deserve extra, so treat the plan as a minimum.
Give more.
Troubleshoot: when life is chaotic
Cut to a mini plan: one message a week. Keep the thread.
Shrink.
Troubleshoot: when you have few friends
Use the plan to nurture each one and add new people slowly. Small circles are fine.
Be patient.
Troubleshoot: when you have many friends
Prioritise and rotate. Be kind to yourself.
Prioritise.
Troubleshoot: when someone does not respond to your rhythm
Adjust to theirs and keep it light. Not every match is perfect.
Adapt.
Troubleshoot: when you feel it is forced
Start with friends you enjoy most. Joy keeps habits alive.
Start there.
Drill: write your plan on one page
Write layers, rhythms and tools on one page. Put it where you see it.
Write.
Drill: set your first reminders
Set two weekly reminders with names today. Act on the first.
Set them.
Drill: review in one month
Put a date in your calendar to review the plan in a month. Keep it.
Schedule.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“I will message two close friends each week.”
“I will check my list every Sunday.”
“I will call one friend each month.”
“I will mark birthdays in my calendar.”
“Thanks for being part of my life.”
“My plan helps me care.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
List your friends
Group them in layers
Set a rhythm for each layer
Choose your tools
Set reminders
Review monthly
Adjust with love
Further reading
- Friends (Robin Dunbar)
- Platonic (Marisa Franco)
- Together (Vivek Murthy)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
