Making Friends / How Often to Contact Someone / Lesson 37

LESSON 37 · HOW OFTEN TO CONTACT SOMEONE

Friendships With Different Schedules

Thirty-two easy ways to keep friendships with different schedules, so night owls, shift workers and early birds stay connected.

Different clocks, same love. A little planning helps.

29 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

29 tips that really help

These ideas come from Friends (Robin Dunbar), Platonic (Marisa Franco), Together (Vivek Murthy), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Schedules shape friendships

Shift work, parenting, studies and time zones make live contact hard. Creative planning keeps bonds.

TRY THIS
Plan.

TIP 2

Share your schedules

Swap rough weekly schedules and see where times overlap. Knowledge helps.

TRY THIS
Share.

TIP 3

Find overlap

Look for common windows like lunch, weekends or evenings. Even one slot works.

TRY THIS
Find it.

TIP 4

Use voice notes and texts

They work any time. Both can reply at their own pace.

TRY THIS
Use them.

TIP 5

Book ahead

Put dates in both calendars early. Planning beats luck.

TRY THIS
Book.

TIP 6

Be flexible with places

Meet near work or home of the busier friend. Kindness helps.

TRY THIS
Adapt.

TIP 7

Respect rest

Do not call at odd hours unless urgent. Rest matters.

TRY THIS
Be considerate.

TIP 8

Share the effort

Take turns adjusting your times. Fairness feels good.

TRY THIS
Take turns.

TIP 9

Use shared tools

A shared calendar or group chat can help you coordinate.

TRY THIS
Use them.

TIP 10

Use short slots

A twenty-minute coffee between shifts is lovely. Short is real.

TRY THIS
Try it.

TIP 11

Celebrate the effort

Say thank you when a friend adjusts. Gratitude keeps goodwill.

TRY THIS
Thank.

TIP 12

Review regularly

Schedules change. Check in every few months about what works.

TRY THIS
Review.

TIP 13

Script: asking

What times usually work best for you? Say it kindly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 14

Script: offering

I am free on Sunday mornings if you are. Say it warmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 15

Script: voice note

I am sending a voice note for when you wake up. Say it brightly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 16

Script: flexing

I can adapt to your shifts, just tell me what works. Say it generously.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 17

Script: closing

Thanks for finding the time, see you then. Say it sincerely.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 18

Mistake: expecting immediate replies

Different schedules mean different timings, so be patient.

TRY THIS
Wait.

TIP 19

Mistake: calling at night without asking

It can disturb rest, so text first.

TRY THIS
Ask.

TIP 20

Mistake: giving up too fast

With creativity, most schedules can work, so try different options.

TRY THIS
Try again.

TIP 21

Mistake: judging someone for being unavailable

Everyone has a life, so give grace.

TRY THIS
Be kind.

TIP 22

Troubleshoot: when no time overlaps

Use voice notes, shared photo albums and monthly plans. Asynchronous care is real.

TRY THIS
Use async.

TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when plans keep changing

Offer a flexible window and confirm closer to the date. Be easy.

TRY THIS
Be flexible.

TIP 24

Troubleshoot: when one of you is exhausted

Reschedule kindly and offer a lighter plan. Rest first.

TRY THIS
Be gentle.

TIP 25

Troubleshoot: when time zones differ widely

Pick a fixed monthly slot that works for both. Rotate who stays up.

TRY THIS
Share it.

TIP 26

Troubleshoot: when you feel excluded

Say so kindly and ask for a plan that fits. Speak up.

TRY THIS
Speak.

TIP 27

Drill: swap schedules

Swap rough schedules with a friend and find three possible slots. Pick one.

TRY THIS
Do it.

TIP 28

Drill: send a voice note

Send a voice note for a friend to hear later. Ask them to reply when free.

TRY THIS
Send.

TIP 29

Drill: book the next meet-up

Book the next meet-up now. Put it in both calendars.

TRY THIS
Book.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

ASK

“What times work best for you?”

OFFER

“I am free on Sunday mornings.”

SHARE

“Here is a voice note for when you wake.”

FLEX

“I can adapt to your shifts.”

THANK

“Thanks for finding time.”

CLOSE

“See you then.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Share schedules

DAY 2
Find overlap

DAY 3
Use asynchronous tools

DAY 4
Book ahead

DAY 5
Be flexible

DAY 6
Respect rest

DAY 7
Review

Further reading

• Friends (Robin Dunbar)
• Platonic (Marisa Franco)
• Together (Vivek Murthy)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.